"Hortiznatz! Ah, forget it!  I'm knocking off for a Ho-Ho." -Tom Servo.
 "My name is Bobo!  Professor Bobo, son of Coco and heir to the lineage of 
    Godo, Bogo and Chim Chim!" "And I'm Peanut!" -Prof. Bobo/Dr. Peanut.
 "Now stand up" "And...evolve!" -scientist/Tom Servo (as scientist).

 "A hundred and forty years ago." -All.
 "He's got built-in smug." -Tom Servo.
 "If old women give him the creeps, maybe he shouldn't have gone into 
    old-woman-ology." -Mike.
 "I love to go to bar.  I usually order sandwich and have drink." 
    -Mike.
 "It's so embarrassing to have to report your own death." -Tom Servo.
 "JEEEEEEEEDDDDDD!" -Tom Servo.
 "Out of Africa." "No, there's more in the trunk." -Tom Servo/Mike.
 "Pineal!" -Tom Servo.
 "Real Africa, Hollywood Africa." -Crow.
 "Today's miracle cure: booze!" -Crow.
 "You could bake a turkey in that dress." -Mike.

 "Avalanche footage, run!" -Crow.
 "Does all-powerful have to mean over budget?" -Crow.
 "Down, down, down." -All. et al.
 "A flashlight!  Now all we need is a tent, some s'mores, and some 
    outside." -Crow (as Priest).
 "Guards, sixty lashes." "Make them long, beautiful Maybelline lashes." 
    -Captain Fingerhead/Tom Servo (as Capt. Fingerhead).
 "I ain't got no body." -Mike (as statue).
 "It's a race of albino Patti LaBelles." -Mike.
 "It's Baby Jessica.  She's digging her own way out!" -Mike.
 "Not everyone can wear a snood." -Mike.
 "They're really Jello-mold men." -Crow.
 "This is for all those years of Whack-a-Mole." -Tom Servo (as mole).
 "Virgil Vogel, vestal virgin." -Tom Servo.
 "What a load." -All. et al.
 "Watch, they'll get crushed by a giant dog chasing a frisbee." -Mike.
 "You really ought to have those moles looked at." -Tom Servo.

 "All right people, let's go kick some thorax." -Crow.
 "I fear mantis mounting, too!" -Tom Servo.
 "Inuit Bay-watch." -Mike.
 "Readly Rantis!" -Crow (as huskies).
 "There's a mantis in my pantis." -** (as **).

 "A formidable force: the octogenarian, the drunk, and the wuss." 
    -Mike.
 "But Jessica doesn't charge anything." "And the Devil's built right 
    in!" -Aunt Flavia/Tom Servo (as Flavia).
 "Did you mae-sure the trae-sure?" -Mike (as Flavia). et. al.
 "Evil book, evil sofa, evil rhododendron." -Tom Servo (as Jessica).
 "Gidget, have you lain with the horned one again?" -Mike.
 "Guy's smoking a field mouse." -Mike.
 "Here comes the bride/She's out of her frigin' mind!" -Mike.
 "Here's the windup, and the scream!" -Tom Servo.
 "I don't need tools, I have these hands.  My hands are strong." -Mike 
    (as Mike).
 "I found some 'This Island Earth' music!" -Mike (as Jessica).
 "I thought you were going to paint me playing golf with clowns." "Nah, 
    you wanted yourself tossing kittens in a meat grinder." -Crow/Tom 
    Servo.
 "Nothin' like smokin' a slim-jim." -Crow (as Boyd).
 "Oh no, she's getting squishy!" -Crow.
 "So, she's kind of a Ouija-Broad." -Crow.
 "They've beamed onto the planet O.K. Corral." -Crow.
 "This is no time for your damn haikus!" -Tom Servo.
 "Yeah, what the hell." -Gypsy.
 "You are as amoebas." -Observer. et. al.
 "Your blood shows a recent chemoglobulin inoculation." -Tom Servo (as 
    Giddeon Drew).
 "You're all evil and I hope you all have snacks." -Tom Servo (as 
    Jessica).

 "Gettest thou a cemetery full of savings at Menards." -Mike.
 "I'm a bad psychical researchiculator." -Crow (as Quentis).
 "It's beautiful when the tortillas come back to Capistrano." -Mike.
 "Me in white satin." -Tom Servo (as knight).
 "Sir Ray Nitschke!" -Mike.
 "This forest could use a plant." -Mike.
 "This is subtle?" -Crow.
 "You have fingers.  I like that in a man." -Mike (as Diana).

 "Damn you, Dave Lennox!" -Crow (as Victor).
 "Filmed in black and...slightly less black." -Crow.
 "I like milk." -Crow (as terror).
 "It's the terror with 5000 yards rushing." -Mike.
 "Jimmy Carter has Disco Fever." -Mike.
 "Let's get this right.  A vicious woman from the future comes back and 
    slaps people." -Tom Servo.
 "Never get off the boat, absolutely golly darn right!" -Crow (as nurse).
 "Sinus pain can feel like a sparkler up your nose." -Crow.
 "The lumberjack competition turns ugly." -Mike.
 "You will jazzercise!" -Crow (as the Terror).

 "Here comes Mike, Destroyer of Worlds!" -Crow.
 "I can't believe I ate the whole thing." -Tom Servo (as dead guy).
 "I'd like a cup of coffee." "Would you like a C-cup or a D-cup?" 
    -Andrea/Crow (as Dr. Ericson).
 "Is this felt?  It is now!" -Tom Servo (as Dr. Lombardi).
 "It's Tickle Me Carlo Lombardi!" -Crow. (singing)
 "My subject is not herself tonight.  She's too tense." "Yeah, she's a 
    teepee and a wigwam." -Dr. Lombardi/Crow.
 "Sleep!" -Tom Servo (as Dr. Lombardi). et al.
 "So Mafia goons and withered spinsters party together?" -Tom Servo.
 "Soul Transmigration." -Tom Servo.
 "Touchdown!" -Tom Servo (as She Creature).

 "Ahhh!" "Ahhh?" 'Barbara Hale'/Tom Servo. et al.
 "Cow tipping gone horribly wrong." -Mike.
 "Got milk?" -Mike (as cow's head).
 "Greasy guys carrying unconscious girls, comfortable 2 PM beer buzz...you 
    homesick yet, Mike?" -Tom Servo.
 "I hate it when a movie kills of a beloved character...This is great, 
    though!" -Crow.
 "It's Snuffalufagus! No!" -Crow.
 "Look at that!" "I made a R!" -Kester/Mike (as Kester).
 "No on hunts out of season in Wisconsin!" -Mike.
 "The Satellite of Love has got MRxL, MRxL, MRxL!" -Tom Servo.
 "This can't be Wisconsin!  There aren't any signs for Tommy Bartlett's 
    water show." -Tom Servo.
 "342 pairs of cotton boxers, no duplicates, 78 pairs of silk boxers, 702 
    high cut briefs, 55 low cut briefs, 7 banana warmers, 1 pair of Home 
    of Whopper briefs, 1 vintage pair of Joe Namath netted slingshot 
    briefs." -Tom Servo.
 "What a remarkable pig!" -Crow.
 "When snowmobilers drive cars." -Tom Servo.
 "Woo-hoo! Packers won the Super Bowl!!" -All. et al.
 "You're so dumb, you wouldn't know rabbit turds from rice crispies."   
    "Snap, crackle, poop!" -Kester/Crow.

 "I like mittens." -Tom Servo (as clone).
 "She really was on top of old smokey!" -**.
 "What does m-i-l-w-a-u-k-e-e spell?" "It spells $2.99 
    a case." -Richard/Tom Servo (as 'confessional').

 "Good old fashioned nightmare fuel!" -Mike.
 "You'll have a big house, and *phiot* there's a swimming pool." -Mike (as 
    fortune teller).

 "BO?  That's absurd!  I don't even have a body." -Brain Guy.
 "Help me Obi-Wankonoboski!" -Crow (as Nastinka).
 "I always pick that guy off my pizza." -Mike.
 "I didn't know there were any land mines left in Narnia." -Tom Servo.
 "I enjoy watching people's mental illness." -Mike.
 "I'm a bear." -Crow.
 "I'm bacon!" -Mike (as pig-sleigh).
 "Is this true love or just a kidnapping?" -Tom Servo
 "Jack Frost opened fire on a stand of willows today." -Mike.
 "Michael Nelson *is* Lord of the Dance!" -Crow.
 "Mmm. Liver on a stick." -Crow.
 "She's imprinting on the geese." -Tom Servo.
 "So the first plot point involves knitting socks?  I think we're in 
    for quite a ride guys." -Mike.
 "The world's thrown into chaos, earthquakes, fires, but that's fine, 
    you knit your sock." -Tom Servo.
 "There are worse places to apply ointment." -Bobo.
 "Uh-oh, there's a ripple in the daughter market today." -Crow.
 "You know, Mike, I don't think I like evil Russo-Finnish grandmas." 
    -Crow.

 "Cupcake cupcake cup cup cupcake cupcake.." -Tom Servo.
 "For some reason, this film was a hit with elderly black women and 
    Hispanic lesbians." -Mike.
 "It can't beEEE!" -Stark, et al.
 "It's 3:15 now. *beep* D'oh!" -Crow (as Sam).
 "Sam, are you in position?" "This is Sam.  I am." -Driscol/Crow (as Sam).
 "They didn't charge us for the hush puppies!" -Crow (as Buffalo).
 "Well, we're home -- do you want to sleep in the front or the back?" -
    Crow (as Buffalo).
 "You've got mail! *kaboom*" -Tom Servo.

 "EXTREME RICE!!" -Crow.
 "I'll try to be more accurate next time." "'Kay, good luck.  I'll stand 
    still." -Marcoux/Crow (as Adam).
 "It's like being chased by your anthropology professor!" -Mike.
 "Mike, do you have Kevorkian's number?" "Yeah, I have it on speed dial.  
    Reservations for 3?" -Tom Servo/Mike.
 "No, you're out of order!  You're out of order!  The courtroom is out of 
    order!  The candy machine by the men's room is out of order!" -Bobo.
 "Shut up or I'll shoot you in your other pocket!" -Crow (as Marcoux). 
 "So, if he starts jumping rope, it might go off in twenty minutes, 
    right?" -Crow.
 "Stop or I'll Agent-from-H.A.R.M. you!" -Tom Servo (as Adam).
 "You know, she hurt herself bad when she mixed up her Lady Schick with 
    her Lady Wesson." -Mike.
 "You studied Sporificololololigy, haven't you?" -Mike (as Adam).

 "An exchange of deadly negative scratches." -Mike.
 "But, I mean, what's too far when your entrails are spilling out?" -Tom 
    Servo.
 "Ha ha ha ha ha." -Phantom of Krankor.
 "Holy Santa, pray for us!" -Mike (as Japanese men).
 "I am the lemon zester of distruction." -Crow.
 "I have no powers, but I can skip reasonably well!" -Crow (as Prince of 
    Space).
 "I like it very much!" -Crow (Mikey). et al.
 "I'm not afraid I'm wearing a tie you go home." -Mike.
 "It looks like an upside-down wheelbarrow with a scoop on top, but..." 
    -Tom Servo.
 "Oh, the Stanley Cup invaded Earth." -Tom Servo.
 "Pagoda of the Damned." -Crow.

 "Ahhhh-ve Mariaaaaa." -Tom Servo (as skull).
 "Batch-man!" -Tom Servo.
 "Cookie!" -Mike (as monster).
 "Don't know what panties are, yet they feel compelled to raid." -Mike.
 "Fight direction by William Shatner." -Crow.
 "I think a gas grill would do it...or a pony." -Crow.
 "It seems Lillian Gish could take this mob." -Mike.
 "It's got a delicious bleu cheese filling." -Tom Servo.
 "Look Polish." -Mike. et al.
 "Men should not have bikini areas." -Mike.
 "Mike, you're nude." -Crow.
 "Oh, it's an Exxon training film." -Crow.
 "Ooh, I bet that would be good with drawn butter.  Then again, I'd eat my 
    own head with drawn butter." -Crow.
 "Original soundtrack by Nigel Tuckman." -Mike.
 "Planimal." -Mike.
 "Sodium!" -All. et al.
 "So radiation has a sense of humor?" -Tom Servo.
 "The sweeping majesty of young white republican love." -Crow.
 "Yeah, the horror of Party Beach is Cindy's cheese dip." -Crow.

 "Debbie!" -Crow.
 "England, the land of jug-earred, chinless stomach-eaters." "Well, at least 
    they aren't French." -Tom Servo/Crow.
 "How can you make a deal with the devil?" "With prices like these, how could 
    I not?" -Mike/Crow.
 "I'd sure like to examine that dummy." "So if you wouldn't mind looking the 
    other way..." -**/Mike (as **).
 "Pants!  Pants!" -All.

 "A break dancing task chair." -Mike.
 "He must be the Piggy of the group." -Mike.
 "Incoming Crispix!" -Tom Servo.
 "I think they're trying to pass a rain shower as an action sequence." 
    -Tom Servo.
 "It's a prefab Lutheran church." -Tom Servo.
 "Kill the pig, drink its blood.  Oh wait, that's another movie." 
    -Crow.
 "Mike, will you tell me the name of your favorite Japanese theater?" 
    "Noh." "Why not?!" -Crow/Mike/Crow.
 "Oh, that guy just fell down, for crying out loud." -Tom Servo.
 "Ooh, Grandpa tried to program the VCR." -Tom Servo.
 "Ready and strut, pout, put it out." -Tom Servo (as Neptune soldiers).
 "Rogee Panty Complex." -All. et al.
 "Space Chief is off having a couple of saporos with Jet Jaguar and 
    Prince of Space." -Tom Servo.
 "The clock's running backwards!" "That means lunch won't be till 
    yesterday." -Reporter/Tom Servo (as Reporter).
 "Those are very destructive sand crabs." -Tom Servo.

 "A severely retarded jellyfish could make a better movie than this." -Tom 
    Servo.
 "Big McLarge-Huge." -Mike.
 "Calgon, blow me away." -Tom Servo.
 "Get a bunch of women together and it's always witchery or a wedding 
    shower." -Crow.
 "He's like an Armand Asante-wannabe." -Tom Servo.
 "Ho ho ho-ooo." -Crow (as Commander Janson).
 "If the first ten minutes are any indication, this movie is going to blow." 
    -Tom Servo.
 "I have my doubts that this movie really stars anyone." -Tom Servo.
 "I think it's very nice of you to give that dead woman another chance." 
    -Crow (as 'Sting').
 "Ooh!" -Rider.
 "Railing kill!" -All. et al.
 "Slate Fistcrunch." "Buff Hardback." "Bob Johnson...oh, wait." 
    -Crow/Mike/Tom Servo.
 "Take away all the muscle mass on this Rider guy and it's pretty much you, 
    Mike." -Crow.
 "Wouldn't want to slam a stack of that guy." -Mike.
 "You know, they shouldn't have set their phasers to miss." -Mike.

 "Warning! Warning!" -Tom Servo (as robot from Lost in Space).
 "You iridescent techtonic idiotic imp!  You dicotimous...drum majorette!" 
    -Crow (as the guy from Lost in Space).
 "You've got male...pattern baldness." -Tom Servo.

 "Hey!  Extreme babooning!" -Tom Servo.
 "I can't lose you now!  We've never even had a dance together!" "You've 
    never bought a muffler together, either.  What's the point?!" 
    -Apollonia/Crow.
 "I didn't want to bungle or bobble the Fingal dopple." -Mike (as 
    Apollonia).
 "So this is public television.  Suddenly I feel like beating up Fred 
    Rogers!" -Crow.
 "Though shalt not screw around with things thou dost not understand." 
    -Apollonia.
 "Verti-Go to hell!" -Mike.
 "Where do you want to go today?  All over this movie!" -Crow.
 "Whoa!  Huge slam on anteaters out of nowhere!" -Crow.