Table of Contents
The "Official Church Leaders" Page
Toon Dig -
The Blind Fools Guest Entry Log
Welcome Brethren of Church Leaders
Hail to our founder!
Hail Constantine!
Greetings fellow church leaders.
All is going mostly to plan. We still have a few wrinkles to iron out in the U.S., but those are really formalities which I will attend to personally.
In an effort to to provide continuing education to our new recruits, I am going to divulge more church secrets just like in last month's issue.
You previously learned the church's true history; today you will learn the amazing hypnotic technique used for hundreds of years.
Don't laugh, this is how YOU got here too.
So you might as well take this seriously. Also, the church leader with the most recruits at the end of the year gets a new Cadillac.
If you want that prize, you had better learn these techniques and practice them religiously (look at that, I made a funny - heh heh).
Anyway, the first step is wearing a cross around your neck.
Now, when "witnessing" (wink, wink) to a potential recruit, you need to sway back and forth. This causes the cross hanging from your neck to move back and forth, like this...
This induces a light hypnotic state in which the subject is highly susceptible to suggestion. We have learned that wearing a shiny gold cross is the most effective.
When the subject's eyes finally get that glazed look after swinging the cross and throwing lines of scripture at them, you will know that they are ready for the next stage of the process.
At this point you unbutton your blazer to reveal the image below...
What you need to do is print this image out onto transfer paper and iron it onto a white shirt (which you will wear under your blazer). The image should rest just slightly below your swinging cross necklace.
If the subject should have enough consciousness left to ask what it is, just tell them that it is a coffee stain acquired at a local fast food restaurant.
And if this question IS asked, the subject is not completely under and you will have to swing your cross a tad longer. You might even have to hit them up-side the head with your Bible to help the process.
Once completely under your control, instruct the subject to stare (the closer the better) at the four dots in the middle for a full 60 seconds. After this is done, ask the subject, "Shall we pray?"
Of coarse under your direction, the subject will close their eyes to start the prayer process. When this is done, the subject will see the image of Jesus in a circle of light!
If the subject has trouble seeing it, tell him/her to look at a white wall and blink their eyes.
Obviously it's just an optical illusion, but the subject will be absolutely convinced that they had an apparition of the risen Savior.
If the subject asks you if you saw Jesus too, you say - "yes". Then ask for money and their PIN number.
Once you have mastered these techniques, you will be able to hypno-evangelize with the best of them.
Hail Constantine!
from the fellers at SackclothAndAshes.org
The "Official Church Leaders" page is a tribute to those who say that all religion is just for power, and that somehow the "church" (which would include the catholic, protestant and whatever others that exist) somehow suppresses the real truth of what actually happened with Jesus.