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Friedrich Nietzsche was the self-appointed philosophical coroner who pronounced the death of almighty God in 1883. Apparently God had too many responsibilities and suffered a heart attack due to all of the stress.
Being such an influentual figure who had such a "brush with greatness," we decided to interview Freddie and get his opinion on what God was like and how things have progressed since then.
I sent our intern overseas to track him down and get the scoop. Here is the transcript of that EXCLUSIVE Blind Fools interview:
Interviewer: It's a pleasure to finally get to speak to you Mr. Nietzsche.
Nietzsche: (no answer)
Interviewer: Don't be shy now. I know it's been a while since your last interview. No need to be so stiff, go ahead and speak right up.
Nietzsche: (no answer)
Interviewer: Alrihty then, let's get started with the interview, shall we?
Nietzsche: (no answer)
Interviewer: What do you think the impact of your, "God is dead" statement has had on society up until now?
Nietzsche: (no answer)
Interviewer: Do you think that it has had ANY impact?
Nietzsche: (no answer)
Interviewer: Hello?
Nietzsche: (no answer)
Interviewer: Well, you're not quite the wordsmith that I was told you were.
Nietzsche: (no answer)
Interviewer: What do you say to those who call you just a braggart?
Nietzsche: (no answer)
Interviewer: What's the matter, cat got your tongue?
Nietzsche: (no answer)
Interviewer: Oh I get it, you're trying to be the strong, silent type. Are you flirting with me?
Nietzsche: (no answer)
Interviewer: Dude, you are borrrrrrrrrrrrring!
Nietzsche: (no answer)
Interviewer: You know, if we were on the Blind Date show, they would be putting up those funny graphics making fun of you.
Nietzsche: (no answer)
Interviewer: Okay, let's start over. Do you still believe that Christianity and democracy as moralities for the "weak herd"?
Nietzsche: (no answer)
Interviewer: Do you believe that your life thus far has fulfilled your own philosophy of living dangerously and thus rising above the masses?
Nietzsche: (no answer)
Interviewer: Are you also developing your natural capacity for the creative use of passion?
Nietzsche: (no answer)
Interviewer: Do you hear me?!
Nietzsche: (no answer)
Interviewer: Hey, wait a minute. Maybe your big ol' honkin' mustache is blocking the sound waves of your voice from reaching my ears?
Nietzsche: (no answer)
Interviewer: Just nod "yes" or "no" Mr. Nietzsche.
Nietzsche: (no answer)
Interviewer: Hellllllllllo?! Is anyone home?! (knocking on head)
Nietzsche: (no answer)
Interviewer: Are you awake?
Nietzsche: (no answer)
Interviewer: You must be because your eyes are open. Actually, you haven't blinked once since I've been here.
Nietzsche: (no answer)
Interviewer: Are you feeling well? You look a little pale.
Nietzsche: (no answer)
Interviewer: Well Mr. Nietzsche, I'm going to go now. It appears you're not in the mood for an interview. Do you have any last words?
Nietzsche: (no answer)
Editor's Note: The whole interview was a bust. It turns out that there was something that I failed to uncover before setting up the interview.
Nietzsche is dead.
And he can't "will the power" to get back up.
Obviously I should have found this out before sending our intern over there to interview him - my bad.
I will try to employ a bit more due diligence in future issues.
