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The "Official Church Leaders" Page
Toon Dig -
The Blind Fools Guest Entry Log
Subjective Psychology 101
Our very own subjective apologist (from the Genesis Seminar), Dr. Betty Spario (Dr. BS as we like to call her around here), has her own personal prison "ministry". She talks with inmates and helps them deal with their feelings, emotions and self-esteem.
From time to time she receives letters from inmates asking advice. She received one recently that really touched her heart way more than all the others, and she asked if we would share it with the world.
I said no, but Miko went behind my back and snuck it in while I wasn't looking. Bad monkey - bad!
Deer Dr. Betty,
I am writing this letter for some advise. I am kurrently a guest of the State of Texes Correcsional Facsility. (I call it jail.) My life seems to be very bad and I want it better.
I know I dun some wrong things in the past. I robbed a lickor store and aksidentally shot the guy selling the booze. I did it cuz my wife left me and took my money.
And my sister didn't tell me that the gun had a hair trigger!
I have been going to the chaplan to get counsilin' but he just tells me not to sin and stuff. I feel very guilty about what I dun. I is tired of feeling guilty all of the time!
It is the same stuff my drunk old man used to tell me. He's say "Boy don't do that it's bad, you want to be like me, a drunk that is loves the lickor!" I don't wanna be like my dad, drunk and in jail no more.
I herd you can talk to guests like me and help me become a well addjusted produktive member of sosieity. Please come and talk to me.
Thanks,
Ricky Ray "Snake" Johnson
PS You can call me RR or snake if you wanna.
Dear Ricky,
I am pleased you took the time to write to me and tell me of your situation.
My schedule is booked at this time, so it might be a few months--depending on how many inmates are having behavioral problems at the time--before I can come and see you personally.
Regardless, we can start some correspondence counseling immediately. You mentioned some very important facts about why you are currently a guest at the correctional facility.
In our Society robbery and wanton violence is considered a crime and unacceptable behavior. Now I want you to remember that word, BEHAVIOR. It seems like a big word, but it means how you act in a given set of stimuli.
For instance if someone points a gun at you mostly likely you will be scared. Or, if you won the lottery, you might be happy.
How you BEHAVE is brought about by three factors: heredity, environment, and stimuli. Once you see this you can begin to change the way in which you act or behave.
As I mentioned before our Society has developed a set of partially effective rules which assures the highest survivability for the maximum amount of OUR people.
These rules are not better or worse than another Society's rules, they just are the ones WE have to deal with everyday made up by those in charge.
That being said we now address the specifics of your problems:
1. You must stop going to the chaplain. Your guilt will only get worse trying to live up to the standards of an imaginary god. What you did was not wrong! It was simply unacceptable by the rules of this specific Society.
2. You are not responsible for your actions. Clearly if your father was an alcoholic that means you carry the genes which will make you susceptible to alcoholism as well. (This is the HEREDITY.)
He also sounds somewhat abusive. Which made for a bad ENIVRONMENT that scarred your development as a child. Combine these two with the STIMULI of your wife leaving, it can only be expected that you would lash out in an unpredictable, violent manner.
3. There is NO right or wrong. Right or wrong "talk" is simply a way of people in a Society to express their displeasure of someone acting in an irresponsible manner that does not increase the survivability of the troop/pack/herd.
Good and evil is an archaic concept derived by delusional religious people to control the uneducated.
4. If you want to change the way in which you BEHAVE. I can help!
Remember that if someone tells you not to do something because it is "wrong" just smile to yourself and laugh at his or her ignorance. Evolution has given us life and with it BEHAVIORS that we all can enjoy as long as the current Society doesn't disprove.
And the good news is that myself and the elite of academia are working around the clock with our friends in the media and Hollywood to change what the current Society disproves of!
Just remember there is no right or wrong, because if there is a good that means there is an "ultimate" good. And the last thing you want to do is become a pathetic, delusional, close-minded, intolerant, bigoted, hate-mongering theist.
With BEHAVIORS there is no "ultimate behavior"; they are all equal.
Sincerely,
Dr. B. Spario
Note: If you are offended by this article, it's not my fault.
James (aka Darwinicon, and aka Postmodern Idiot) made me feel guilty after he told me how long it took him to write this piece as a surprise gift for me.
I didn't want to publish it, but my emotions (molded by my genes, environment and stimuli) got the best of me.
James' self-steem is riding pretty high right now and that makes me feel good about myself - as it should you too.