Table of Contents
Frank B. Finite (a "true" atheist)
So-So Proofs of Intelligent Design
Caricature Christianity For Dumbies
Alternate Resurrection Theory of the Month
Caricature Christianity For Dumbies
A Non-Copious Guide To 100% Real
Authentic
Genuine Pure Faux Biblical Teachings
Genuine Pure Faux Biblical Teachings
Whether you're a skeptic wanting to bash the Christian faith with anything you can find or a believer conducting research for your arts and crafts projects, this information is for you!
An exhaustive collection of urban myths not in the Bible that many people associate with the Christian faith for one reason or another, this page will help you in your religious or non-religious endeavors with simple and easy-to-understand descriptions and colorful graphics which are pleasing to the eye and may give you warm fuzzies all over.
Note: page may be printed out on iron-on transfer material to make that one-of-a-kind gift suitable for wearing whilst garage sale hopping or playing bunko with the girls.
Eve's/Adam's Apple - The Bible never states that the first couple
ate a forbidden "apple." They ate the nameless fruit
from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil which was a special
tree in the Garden of Eden, set apart by the Lord as an instrument
to test the obedience of Adam and Eve. The sin in eating its
fruit did not lie in the tree but in the disobedience of the
persons who ate it.
So why do people think of an apple? One reason is that the Latin for evil is malum and the Latin word for apple is also malum. In the fourth century A.D., the word malum appeared in the Latin Vulgate translation of Genesis in the phrase 'the tree of knowledge of good and evil'. From that time on people began to associate the apple with the fruit which Eve ate.
It could have been a peach, orange, fig, olive, lemon, lime or some other fruit that is now extinct via natural selection. Whatever it was, we hope it was tasty and well worth it.
Bathtub Ark - They are just oh so cute and precious. Bathtub Arks appear in ornaments, broaches, necklaces, as pictures in children's books and paintings on kindergarten walls in churches and schools, toilet seats, skateboards, painted on old saw blades, etc. But most of the world today scoffs at those who believe in a global Flood and Noah's Ark. And representations of the ark which are nowhere near close to the actual dimensions (dimensions which are used to this very day for ocean going vessels) may reinforce this skeptical view to many people that Noah's Ark was just a 'story' or 'fairy tale.'
The ark was 10 times longer than its height and was 6 times longer that its width. It was three stories high (Genesis 6:16). Its total deck area was equivalent to the area of about 20 standard college basketball courts or 36 lawn tennis courts. Studies in 1997 by naval architect David Collins showed that even in 210 knot winds - three times hurricane force - the ark was stable. The ark's dimensions made it almost impossible to capsize. Even if tilted through any angle less than 90 degrees, the buoyant force tending to right it always acts 'outside' the weight force tending to capsize it, thus causing it to return to its normal floating position.
British civil and mechanical engineer Isambard Kingdom Brunel built a steamship (the Great Britain) in 1843 that had almost the same proportions as the Ark, although it was smaller. This was regarded as a remarkable feat of Victorian and maritime engineering at the time. The ancient Babylonians had a flood story too. It was most likely a bad corruption of the biblical account. The ark in the Babylonian story was shaped like a cube, which would had made it terribly unseaworthy.
And then there was that unsinkable Titanic built by engineers. The Ark, however, was built by amateurs.
Winged/Baby Angels - When described, angels are physically revealed
as grown men dressed in white (some with an appearance like lightening)
- not cutesy naked babies with bird wings not large enough for
actual lift-off.
Angels are distinct from man, and neither marry nor die. Good angels stand in the presence of God and worship him. They assist, protect, and deliver God's people. Sometimes they interpret God's will to people, and execute God's will toward individuals and nations. Angels had a large place in the life and ministry of Christ. They appeared to Mary, Joseph, and the shepherds, and ministered to Jesus after the temptation. An angel strengthened him in the Garden; one rolled away the stone from the tomb; and they were with him at the Ascension.
Could a winged baby really do all this gnarly cool stuff and pull it off without being humiliated, laughed at, kidnapped and forced to join a cheesy traveling circus to sit in his very own tent with people filing through at 50 cents a pop to get a peek at this freak of nature that some would claim to be a transitional missing link? We think not.
The Three A-Magis - The Bible never mentions how many wise men visited young Jesus. The number three is probably derived from the number of specific items listed as gifts (gold and incense and myrrh). Also, He was probably between age one and two and not a baby in a manger when they visited since Herod ordered all male children age 2 and under to be executed.
December 25th is not Biblical either. Christmas is actually the Lord-inspired transformation of a pagan festival. In 274 Emperor Aurelian decreed December 25 as the celebration of the 'Unconquerable Sun," the first day in which there was a noticeable increase in light after the winter solstice. Some feel Constantine (who died in 337) may have selected this day for Christmas because of a deep-seated respect for the popular pagan solstice festival. Others argue that the date was chosen as a replacement for it, that it, to honor the 'Sun of Righteousness.'
The "wise men from the East" are often referred to as "the Magi." Nothing is known of their land of origin, but it is a likely theory that they came from Arabia Felix (Southern Arabia). Astrology was practiced there, and a tradition of Israelite messianic expectation may have survived in the region since the days of the Queen of Sheba. Early legend connects Southern Arabia with Solomon's Israel, but the legend of "the Three Kings" is late and medieval.
The legend of the "glowing" wise men, as well as "glowing" baby Jesus, Mary, Joseph and livestock is mid to late 20th century probably from the regions of Wal and K-Mart.
Televangelism - Well, you see ... the opulence represents ...
no ... um ... mascara technology back then ... wait ... whew
... Bible interpretation ... and then there's ... prosperity
gospel ... and faith is about ... let's see ... they work really
really hard for their ... so ... looks don't really matter
anyway, and ... again, the opulence is ... oh, man ... mullets
aren't that bad ... singing is praise and worship ... then, again
.. not all Christian believe ... you see, it really comes down
to ... er ... um ... OH FORGET IT!
Oh, You Devil - Whether you know him as Satan, Abaddon, Apollyon,
antidikos, Beelzebub, Belial, the evil one, the father of lies,
that ancient serpent, the tempter, or old grouchy - you have
never heard of him described as the go-tee bearded hoof-footed
pointy-tailed horny head red one who holds pitch fork (at least
you didn't hear it from the bible). This goes for all the other
demons as well.
The origin of Satan is not explicitly asserted in Scripture, but the statement that he did not hold to the truth (John 8:44) implies that he is a fallen being, while 1 Timothy 3:6 indicates that he fell under God's condemnation because of ambitious pride. Animated by an unrelenting hatred against God and all goodness, Satan is engaged in a world-wide and age-long struggle against God, ever seeking to defeat the divine plans of grace toward mankind and to seduce people to evil and ruin. His primary method is that of deception-about himself, his purpose, his activities, and his coming defeat.
A consuming passion of Satan is to be worshiped. In his fall Satan drew a vast number of lesser celestial creatures with him. Although Satan was judged in the Cross, he is still permitted to carry on the conflict, often with startling success. But his revealed doom is sure. With Christ's return to earth he will be incarcerated in the bottomless pit for 1,000 years; when released for a season, he will again attempt to deceive the nations but will be cast into "the eternal fire" prepared for him and his angels, to suffer eternal doom with those he deceived.
Old Geezer God - The depictions of God as an elderly gent come
from the qualities attributed to Him, mainly knowledge and wisdom.
As finite beings we come to understand that these attributes
are mostly gained through experience, and generally the older
the person is, the more experience that person has.
But God is not a person or finite being. God is a nonmaterial personal being, self-conscious and self-determining. He is a Spirit, infinite, eternal, and unchangeable, in his being, wisdom, power, holiness, justice, goodness, and truth. Holiness is God's central ethical attribute. Basic ethical principles are revealed by the will of God and derived from and based on the character of God. He possesses all logic and rationality. The axioms of logic and mathematics are not laws apart from God to which God must be subject. They are attributes of his own character.
Also, God cannot grow "old" because he is outside of time. God is eternal-without temporal beginning or ending. And God does not reside in Heaven hopping from one cloud to the next, but Heaven resides in God.
Besides, if God was an old geezer who would want to take care of Him at the old folks home? Can you imagine trying to push Him around in a wheel chair that's big enough to fit Him? And what about the bed pan? Holy cow!
We invite, nay...encourage, nay...challenge those who are seeking truth to put those non-Biblical and juvenile fables concerning Christianity (which may have been learned at an early age) behind them and examine the true evidences and claims of the real Christian faith - especially the claims of that Jesus fellow.
1Cor. 13:11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.