Table of Contents
Frank B. Finite (a "true" atheist)
So-So Proofs of Intelligent Design
Caricature Christianity For Dumbies
Alternate Resurrection Theory of the Month
Subjective Psychology 101
Our very own subjective apologist (from the Genesis Seminar), Dr. Betty Spario (Dr. BS as we like to call her around here), has her own personal mental health "ministry". She talks with some people and helps them deal with their feelings, emotions and self-esteem.
Dear Dr. Betty,
I am going on a tv talk show in a few days. My lover is accusing me of cheating on him by having relations with my husband. I'm not very good at arguing and stuff, especially in front of other people. I need your help in figuring out what to say.
Does my guilt or innocence matter in all of this? How should I act? What should I say?
Sincerely,
Maud
Dear Maud,
I think I can help you. First of all, guilt or innocence does NOT matter! All that matters is how you look in front of all those people. They will be the judge of you in the court of public opinion. So how you look to them is what counts.
It's all about attitude. In our society "attitude" reigns over "integrity" any day of the week (especially Sunday) and that's what people respect. So be bold and confident, yet not too cocky. Especially don't claim any responsibility for your actions with a, "Tough, get over it" attitude.
You have to play the victim and be remorseful, but at the same time exude confidence that this is just the way things are and nothing can be done about it.
Convince them that you are swayed to and fro by the raging waters of environmental factors in the turbulent seas of cause and affect. You are but floating seaweed and they are circling sea gulls looking down on you.
I, Dr.. Betty, have compiled a series of catch phrases . . . "sound bytes," if you will. There are exactly ten of them and you need to learn them before appearing on the Jenny Sprigger show. They will help you defend yourself against your lover's vicious attacks.
And if reading is not your thing, I offer the list on audio tape for $19.99 ($29.99 CD) + S&H. This may help you in memorizing them.
And if you need, I can also send you this letter in audio format for a nominal fee. Just write me and let me know.
Here is the list in "written" form . . .
· You don't know me.
· That may be true for you, but not for me.
· Talk to the hand.
· I can't change who I am (I've got to be me).
· I made a mistake.
· Whatever.
· That's YOUR opinion.
· You're just jealous.
· Everybody does it.
· I just couldn't help myself.
· What I did was only "natural".
· I can't help it if I'm all that!
(Note: If you want to write to me and claim that this list is more than ten, save yourself and me some time by picking one line from the list as my response back to you.)