BF Music Beat Beat Beat

BF Music Beat

Highlighting the "sic" in music.

Along the traditions of Keith Green, Amy Grant and Petra, there is another set of trail blazers opening the path for a new music genre for believers. Contemporary Christian rock music had its nay-sayers in the beginning. It just wasn't right they said. Others claimed it was straight from the devil himself.

And this new melodic art form will likely have its critics in the beginning too. But as was Christian Rock, it is relevant, it is important, it is needed, it is...

Creation Rock

From the buckle of the bible belt comes a new group who believe they have stumbled upon a history-making form of music. "Creation Rock will make history," said one member. "Uh-huh, I know that's right," said another.

Three guys, their instruments, and a zeal for creationism form this new band which is appropriately named - 'Kreation'.

Kreation is/are:

"Bones" - drums, clanky sounds, backup grunts/moans

"Slappy" - guitar, jumping, backup grunts/moans

"X" - lead singer, lead poser, lead grunts/moans

I, the Editor in Chief, sat down with them (on an overturned bucket) in their garage studio for an in-depth interview to get to know them and their mission...

Editor: Hello guys. Thanks for taking the time to talk with me.

Group: 'sup?

Editor: It says here in my notes that you fellas have been trying to "break through" for some time now.

X: That's right. We've experimented with different forms of musik with little and/or no sukcess. But we feel that's about to change soonly.

Slappy: Uh-huh, I know that's right! (said while high-fiving X)

Editor: What other forms have you tried and do they influence your current sound?

X: Let's see . . . in the beginning, of kourse, we played for the worship service at our church.

Editor: That's a good foundation.

X: Well, it would have been if it had lasted for any length of time.

Editor: What do you mean?

X: The best we kan figure is that shortly after we started playing during worship services that there was a large influx of heathenism within the kongregation and attendance dropped dramatikally.

Editor: That's not good. Did the church ever recover?

X: Since nobody was attending, the worship leader had to let us go. But soon after that, about a week or so, there was revival in the land and attendance picked up to near normal levels.

Editor: Praise God for that! But are you sure it didn't have to do with how you guys sound?

X: Of kourse not. That WAS the rumor going around at the time, but we kredit it to the heathenism instead. We were merely at the wrong place at the wrong time.

Slappy: Uh-huh, I know that's right! (said while high-fiving X again)

Editor: Okay, what other forms have you tried in the past?

X: As with all bands, we experimented with reggae, punk, psychedelic funk, and polka. But they never seemed to katch on.

Editor: Well, you guys have been behind the times. That's a big part of the reason why you haven't "made it" yet.

Slappy: Uh-huh, I know that's right! (said while high-fiving me reluctantly returning the gesture)

X: Exaktly! We figured that we needed to get ahead of the times. We had to do something that had never been done before to get noticed.

Editor: So that was the beginning of Creation Rock?

X: Not exaktly. The koncept of Creation Rock has been evolving for quite some time now.

Editor: Can you show me the evidence of that?

X: No. Just trust me.

Editor: Maybe Bones here could explain it?

X: On no. Bones doesn't believe in wasting words and hardly talks. He's very philosophikal.

Slappy: Yeah, you kan tell by his ponytail.

Editor: Oh yes, I see.

X: But when he does speak, it's very profound.

(Bones staring at Editor in Chief)

Editor: Alrighty then. Um, I was noticing your instruments here. They look...different.

X: That's bekause Bones insists that we make them ourselves. He klaims the kreation process will help bring us kloser to the koncept which we sing about.

Editor: Wow, that IS philosophical! How do they sound?

X: They're . . . um . . . unique.

Slappy: They rock, dude! (Slappy then went into what might be called a guitar solo for minute and a half)

Editor: That's unique all right. I've never heard anything like it.

X: And that's what's going to get us noticed, along with the Creation Rock koncept.

Slappy: Uh-huh, I know that's right! (said while trying to dislodge pick from guitar)

Editor: What if the Creation Rock concept doesn't catch on? What would you do then?

X: We're thinking... "Christian Disco."

Editor's immediate thought...

Hey baby, what's YOUR denomination?

Editor: Let's hope you guys make it THIS time.

X: Thanks Ed. We appreciate that.

Editor: More than you know. Anyway, do you believe that you guys are ready to go public?

X: Yes. Of kourse, at first we were one ugly band, but after months of praktice we feel that we've finely tuned our sound to be appealing to the publik at large.

Editor: Is it going to be anything like that guitar solo I just heard?

Slappy: Uh-huh, I know that's -

X: Shut up, Slappy!

Slappy: What?!

X: Everyone says you're annoying. I'm beginning to feel the same way, so shut up.

Slappy: (mumbling to self) Pifffff, I know that ain't right.

X: Our sound will kover a wide range. There's something for everyone.

Editor: Is there anything else you've learned that will help you climb the music ladder?

X: Yep. We've mastered the art of performing.

Editor: Like how?

X: For one thing, you need to pretend you're in pain while singing. It makes you look like you really really have feeling.

Slappy: I find that drinking a little Syrup of Epicac before a gig helps me achieve the look.

(A long pause with everyone looking at Slappy)

Slappy: But don't drink too much 'cause you'll gag on stage. I call it "gig gag". And that doesn't sit well with the audience, believe you me.

(More long pause of unbelief directed at Slappy)

X: Anyway, (turning back to Editor) another trick is to pat your chest.

Editor: Pat your chest?

X: Yes, like this (pat pat pat pat pat).

Editor: What does this accomplish?

X: It shows how sincere you are. Go ahead, try it.

Editor: Like this? (p-a-t, p-a-t, p-a-t, p-a-t, p-a-t)

X: No, it's gotta be faster.

Editor: (p-a-t, p-a-t, p-a-t, p-a-t, p-a-t) Sorry, I can't pat my chest as fast as you.

X: That's okay, it takes a lot of praktice. But when you kombine that with the ugly pain face thing it drives the krowd wild!

Editor: Is that important?

X: For us it is.

Editor: Even with your newly developed on-stage mannerisms, are you sure you guys can go on tour? I mean, you all look a little sickly to me. Do you eat right?

X: We only eat fruits and vegetables. Bones says that we should be like kreation before the fall. At that time all animals and humans ate only vegetation, not each other.

Editor: What's your favorite ones.

X: Let's see. There's kabbage. And kukumbers. Also there's kumkwats. We love kumkwats.

Slappy: Don't forget kranberries.

X: That's right, kranberries too.

Editor: What about corn?

X: Oh we can't stand korn. Korn leaves a bad after-taste.

Editor: Even kreamed korn?

X: Kreamed korn might be a different matter, but I'm still leery.

Editor: Okay, that about raps up the interview fellas. You wanna add anything?

X: No. We need to get back to praktice. Thanks for stopping by.

Editor: You know, if you guys cleaned up in here every once in a while you just might get more accomplished.

Slappy: Uh-huh, I know that's right!

X: Hey, you can't fight entropy, dude - so we stopped trying.

Editor: (picking up a piece of paper) Here's a cut-out ad for a snow sled. Do you guys really need this trash lying around?!

X: Not really, I guess.

As Editor leaves that garage he crumples up the piece of paper and tosses it in the trash can.

Bones: (whispering) Rosebud...

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BF Music Beat

Highlighting the "sic" in music.