Table of Contents
Frank B. Finite (a "true" atheist)
So-So Proofs of Intelligent Design
Caricature Christianity For Dumbies
Alternate Resurrection Theory of the Month
It's a Blind Fools
SPECIAL REPORT
Was Darwin who we thought he was (is)???
New evidence suggests that Darwin was someone (or . . . something) totally different than what we have been lead to believe. But before we get into that, we need to explore a brief summary-synopsis-outline of his contribution to science, society, and the documentary community at large.
On Nov. 24, 1859 Charles Darwin (a man curiously with no middle name - clue #1) presented his idea that species evolve from more primitive species through the process of Natural Selection, which works spontaneously in nature.
In his account of how natural selection occurs, known as Darwinism, he pointed out that not all individuals of a species are exactly the same but, rather, that individuals have variations and that some of these variations make their bearers better adapted to particular ecological conditions.
He theorized that well-adapted individuals of a species have more chance of surviving and producing young than do the less adapted, and that over the passage of time the latter are slowly weeded out.
The accumulation of adaptations to a particular ecological way of life leads--if there is a geographic split of the population--into the development of separate species, each adapted to its own particular ecological living space.
The effect of 'On the Origin of Species' was immediate and widespread. The book upset many established patterns of thought, contradicted firmly held religious tenets, and brought into focus the concept that humans are one species among many that had evolved from a more primitive one.
Sure, Einstein gave us "E=MC2", but that pales in comparison to what that brain-among-brains Darwin gave us, "E=NS" (Evolution equals Natural Selection).
The master genius Darwin (who married his cousin - clue #2) died (or did he?) in Downe on Apr. 19, 1882 and was buried in Westminster Abbey, a church in England.
But later Darwin's theory came under scrutiny. People figured out that Natural Selection is a conservative force which weeds out the less fit, but does not ADD new more complex species to the animal kingdom. It helps preserve what is already there but cannot account for the evolving process.
Something had to be done. Either more theory had to be added or the whole equation of evolution or it had to be scrapped all together - and the latter was NOT a acceptable proposition since Darwinism had put religious fanatics in their place.
Around 1925, about 43 tears after Darwin's supposed death, a revised alternative theory emerged - it was a new and improved theory called "Neo-Darwinism".
According to Neo-Darwinism, variability among individuals in a population of sexually reproducing organisms is produced by genetic mutation and genetic recombination and the resulting genetic variability is subject to natural selection in the environment.
This was the missing link answer the world had been searching for to complete the puzzle of the equation (or was it?).
But a more important question is - who, other than Darwin, could have been intelligent enough and light years ahead of their time to come up with such a radically superior idea?
The fact is, is that no one can fill that void and that leaves only one option - Darwin!
"Crazy!" you say? Don't be so quick to judge. As mentioned at the beginning of this report, there is newly uncovered evidence suggesting that Darwin was not who we think he is...
Only known by a few high-ranking religious officials, the burial cloth of Darwin has surfaced. For some unexplained reason, there is an urban legend that Darwin is not in his burial space at Westminster Abbey. Rumor has it that his body has mysteriously disappeared leaving only said burial cloth which has been dubbed - The Mysterious Shroud of Darwin.
An inverted negative cropped close-up of the Mysterious Shroud of Darwin
The "CHURCH" has closely guarded this secret until we caught wind of its existence and sent out spies and moles to infiltrate the Vatican and obtain evidence that it actually exists. This proved to be rather difficult since the Pope himself wears it around his body underneath all those flowing robes of his - and who's going to try and lift those up to sneak a peek, right?!
However, our very own handy man and Janitorial writer "Mack" got a job in custodial services at the Vatican and happened to be in the bathroom when John Paul entered a stall (giving new meaning to the phrase "pope-in-a-box") to answer the call of nature.
Yes folks, the Pope's human too.
Anyway, he laid out his robes on the stall door with the shroud right on top and facing outward. It was Mack's lucky break. He took out his top secret plunger spy camera and got a quick snapshot and then scurried off leaving the pope calling out for a new roll of tissue.
Yes, right there in the bathroom the Pope unknowingly exposed himself. He exposed himself (and the other religious leaders) for what they really are - right wing extremist fanatical fundamentalists.
But what can we learn from this so-called shroud?
A full shot of the shroud inverted for better visibility.
It appears that there was a massive burst of radiation which scorched his image onto the cloth. Obviously this emission came from within Darwin and not from any outside source.
And there is no known process like this which happens to humans (or any earthling for that matter). So it appears that Darwin was not human after all but rather an alien from outer space.
It all makes sense . . . his super-human intelligence, his giving demeanor and just look at that face. Apparently he didn't die, but actually entered a superior evolutionary alien mode of hibernation.
Apparently Darwin knew we couldn't handle the truth of his alieness, so upon exiting his tomb one night he disappeared leaving only the mysterious shroud behind. Other than that, his tomb is empty.
The Church has figured this out too and that is why they hide the cloth. They don't want Darwin worshiped any more than he already is now.
So he must be working behind the scenes now in order to guide our still primitive society through our highly dangerous phase of technological adolescence - it's our only hope.
And for fun he likes drawing crop circles.
Also this would explain the emergence of the idea of Neo-Darwinism. Only he could contribute such a contribution. It also appears that he has to give us a little info at a time because our pea brains couldn't handle any more and all of us would have branded him a mad man in the beginning.
But the bad news is that Neo-Darwinism seems to have a flaw too. That's right - genetic mutations don't increase information to the genome. Some simple creatures obtain benefits from these mutations, but it always involves loss of information or sometimes a reshuffling of information.
It never has added information that would cause a creature to become more complex which is what is thought to happen by the evolutionary scheme of things.
But fear not! Darwin, wherever he is, will enlighten us once again. He will add another piece to the puzzle which will answer this evolutionary difficulty. It will be a newer and more improved Darwinism.
It will be a Neo-Neo-Darwinism.
And if any more glitches arise, Darwin will help us out again. Neo-Neo-Neo-Darwinism may be the newest and most improved Darwinism in the future. It may just keep evolving as evolution evolves itself.
Oh, and as for the Pope . . . John Paul is still in the john.
