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Tossed Salads & Scrambled Eggs
Written by:
Bruce Miller and Darryl Phinnessee
Performed by:
Kelsey Grammer |
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Here are the lyrics that Kelsey Grammer sings during the credits. The references to "tossed salads and scrambled eggs" refer to things which once joined can't be separated e.g. Frasier and his family. The lyrics often change, so most versions of them are listed here.
Always Sung:
Hey baby I hear the blues are calling,
Tossed salads, and scrambled eggs.
Then either:
Mercy!!! or
Oh my!!! or
Quite stylish!!!
Always Sung :
And maybe I seem a bit confused,
Yeah maybe, but I got you pegged!!!
Ha, ha ha ha!!!
But I don't know what to do with those tossed salads and scrambled eggs,
They're calling again.
Note: "Yeah" is sometimes replaced with "Well".
Sometimes Sung :
Scrambled eggs all over my face,
What is a boy to do?
Always Sung, one of the following lines:
Frasier has left the building or
Goodnight Seattle we love you!!! (from which this website takes its name) or
Goodnight!!! or
Goodnight Everybody!!! or
Thank you!!!
The following are special and have only appeared a couple of times:
See you next year everybody!!! (At end of season 1)
Happy holidays everybody!!! (After Christmas episodes) |
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Great Balls Of Fire!
Written by:
Jerry Lee Lewis
Performed by:
Jerry Lee Lewis
Featured in:
Ep 41 "Daphne's Room" |
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The bits Frasier sung is in red.
You shake my nerves and you rattle my brain
Too much love drives a man insane
You broke my will, oh what a thrill
Goodness gracious, great balls of fire
You came on over and took over my heart
You came along and moved me honey
I cannot lie you are so fine
Goodness gracious, great balls of fire
Kiss me baby, Whooo, feels good
Come on over baby, Love me like a lover should
Your fine, so kind, told this world that your mine, mine, mine
You pull my fingers and you twiddle my thumbs
Wanna love you but a true love huh
Come on baby, your drive me crazy
Goodness gracious, great balls of fire
Kiss me baby, whoo, feels good
Ahhh call me baby, love me like a lover should
Your fine, so kind, wanna tell this world that your mine, mine, mine
You pull my fingers and you twiddle my thumbs
Wanna love you but it sure is hard
Come one baby, you drive me crazy
Goodness gracious, great balls of fire
Goodness gracious, great balls of fire
You shake my nerves and you rattle my brain
Too much love drives a man insane
You broke my will, oh what a thrill
Goodness gracious, great balls of fire
You get me lonely and you get all my money
You came alone and your with me honey
Come on baby you drive ah me crazy
Goodness gracious, great balls of fire |
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Lady Of Mine
aka She's Such A Groovy Lady
Written by:
David Lloyd and Paul Kreiling
Performed by:
(Unknown)
Featured in:
Ep 51 "Martin Does It His Way" |
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She's such a groovy lady,
She makes my heart go high-di, hey-di,
She is the chick I spend my nights dreaming of.
Her lips are red as ruby,
She makes my heart go scoobie-doobie,
She is the broad who makes me coo-coo with love.
She is a nifty cutie,
She sure knows how to shake her bootie,
She makes me want to shout, "Hey, baby, you're fine!"
She's got the whole world swinging,
She makes my heart start ringy-dinging,
That hubba-hubba groovy lady of mine. |
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Buttons & Bows
Written by:
Jay Livingston and Ray Evans
Originally Performed by:
Bob Hope
Featured in:
Ep 64 "Look Before You Leap" |
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The proper lyrics:
East is east, and west is west,
And the wrong one I have chose.
Let's go where I'll keep on wearing
Those frills and flowers and buttons and bows,
Rings and things and buttons and bows
Don't bury me in this prairie,
Take me where the cement grows.
Let's move down to some big town,
Where they love a gal by the cut o' her clothes
And I'll stand out in buttons and bows.
I'll love you in buckskin
Or skirts that I've homespun.
But I'll love ya' longer, stronger where
Yer friends don't tote a gun.
My bones denounce,
The buckboard bounce,
And the cactus hurts my toes.
Let's vamoose where gals keep using
Those silks and satin
And linen that shows.
And I'm all yours
In buttons and bows.
Gimme eastern trimming
Where women are women
In high silk hose,
And peek-a-boo clothes
And French perfume,
That rocks the room
And I'm all yours
In buttons and bows.
And the version Frasier sang when he forgot the words:
East is East, and West is West,
And the wrong one I have chose.
Lets go where, you'll keep on wearing those
Dah, dah, dahs and boppa dohs.
Things and buttons and buttons and bows.
Don't bury me, ah, ah, lovely pea.
Ah, something, la, la, la.
Lets all go to a (beat) taco show.
And a shushing and frushing, pull my nose.
Young man, buttons and bows.
I'll love you in buckskin la da da da da-da da.
Ha, ha; ha, ha, ha!
Everybody!
My bones denounce, the fearful trounce and the la la la, Moldic Rose.
Vada seuss, a palm caboose and a danda hop and pantyhose
You're a buppity, buttons and bows! |
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O Holy Night
Written by:
Placide Cappeau de Roquemaure (original lyrics)
John Sullivan Dwight (translation)
Adolphe Charles Adam (music)
Originally Performed by:
(Unknown)
Featured in:
Ep 104 "Perspectives On Christmas" |
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Note: Martin only sang the chorus in this episode.
O holy night, the stars are brightly shining,
It is the night of the dear Saviour's birth;
Long lay the world in sin and error pining,
Till He appeared and the soul felt it's worth.
A thrill of hope the weary soul rejoices,
For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn;
Fall on your knees, Oh hear the angel voices!
O night divine, O night when Christ was born!
O night divine, O holy night, O night divine.
Led by the light of Faith serenely beaming
With glowing hearts by His cradle we stand
So led by light of a star sweetly gleaming
Here come the wise men from Orient land
The King of Kings lay thus in lowly manger
In all our trials born to be our friend.
Truly He taught us to love one another
His law is love and His gospel is peace
Chains shall He break for the slave is our brother
And in His name all oppression shall cease
Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we,
Let all within us praise His holy name. |
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Isn't It Romantic?
Written by:
Lorenz Hart and Richard Rodgers
Originally Performed by:
Ella Fitzgerald
Featured in:
Ep 112 "The Perfect Guy" and Ep 61 "Moondance" (instrumental) |
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The bits Clint Webber sung is in red.
Isn't it romantic?
Music in the night
A dream that can be heard?
Isn't it romantic?
Moving shadows write
The oldest magic word?
I hear the breezes playing in the trees above
While all the world is saying you were meant for love.
Isn't it romantic?
Merely to be young
On such a night as this?
Isn't it romantic?
Every note that's sung
It's like a lover's kiss.
Sweet symbols in the moonlight.
Do you mean that I will fall in love per chance.
Isn't it romantic? |
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Heart & Soul
Written by:
Frank Loesser (words)
Hoagy Carmichael (music)
Originally Performed by:
Bea Wain
Featured in:
Ep 115 "First Date" |
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The bits Niles sang are in red, and the bits he and Daphne both sung are in blue.
Heart and soul, I fell in love with you,
Heart and soul, the way a fool would do,
Madly!
Because you held me tight
And stole a kiss in the night!
Buh-buh-buh...
Heart and soul, I begged to be adored,
Lost control, and tumbled overboard,
Gladly!
That magic night we kissed
There in the moon mist.
Oh! but your lips were thrilling, much too thrilling
Never before were mine so strangely willing.
But now I see, what one embrace can do,
Look at me, it's got me loving you,
Madly!
That little kiss you stole
Held all my heart and soul. |
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Goldfinger
Written by:
John Barry, Leslie Bircusse and Anthony Newley
Originally Performed by:
Shirley Bassey
Featured in:
Ep 142 "Shutout In Seattle" |
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The bits the Cranes sang are in red.
Goldfinger,
He's the man, the man with the Midas touch.
A spider's touch.
Such a cold finger,
Beckons you to enter his web of sin.
But don't go in!
Golden words he will paw in your ear,
But his lies can't disguise what you fear.
For a golden girl knows when he's kissed her
It's the kiss of death
From Mr Goldfinger.
Pretty girl, beware of his heart of gold,
This heart is cold.
It's the kiss of death
From Mr Goldfinger.
Pretty girl, beware of his heart of gold,
This heart is cold.
He loves only gold.
Only gold,
He loves gold,
He loves only gold,
Only gold,
He loves gold. |
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I'm In The Mood For Love
Written by:
J McHugh and D Fields
Originally Performed by:
Frances Langford
Featured in:
Ep 145 "Radio Wars" |
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The bits Frasier sang are in red.
I'm in the mood for love,
Simply because you're near me.
Funny, but when you're near me,
I'm in the mood for love.
Heaven is in your eyes,
Bright as the stars we're under.
Oh, is it any wonder?
I'm in the mood for love.
Why stop to think of whether
This little dream might fade?
Let's put our hearts together,
Now we are one, I'm not afraid.
If there's a cloud above,
If it should rain, we'll let it,
But, for tonight, forget it,
I'm in the mood for love.
Why stop to think of whether
This little dream might fade?
Let's put our hearts together,
Now we are one, I'm not afraid
If there's a cloud above,
If it should rain, we'll let it,
But, for tonight, forget it,
I'm in the mood.
Hope you're in the mood
For love |
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The Radio Jingles
Written by:
David Lloyd
Performed by:
John Mahoney and Kelsey Grammer
Featured in:
Ep 155 "They're Playing Our Song" |
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Martin's jingle:
What's new? I'm listening.
Feeling' blue? I'm listening.
Feelin' sad, feelin' mad, feelin' bad, feelin' glad,
I'm listening.
The one Frasier finally settled on:
If you've got a problem, if you're feeling low,
Looking for some answers, things you need to know.
All you've got to do is ask.
All you've got to do is ask. |
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Frasier's Opus
Written by:
David Lloyd and Bruce Miller
Performed by:
David Hyde Pierce and a Choir
Featured in:
Ep 155 "They're Playing Our Song" |
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Choir: (singing) Whom can you turn to for prompt diagnosis?
A fetish or fantasy?
Sex or psychosis?
No problem at all,
Let us handle your call,
On our show, on our show.
Bring us your traumas, your latent neurosis,
Erectile disfunction,
Bed-wetting, narcosis,
There's no need for shame,
You can use a false name,
On our show, on our show.
Niles: (speaking) Who dares enter the dark labyrinth of the human mind?
What festering secrets are buried in the recesses of the subconscious?
Lurid images,
Crude desires,
Guilty pleasures,
Strange compulsions,
[a trombone plays]
The whole catalogue of human behaviour from the abulic to the monstrous lurks behind a locked door to which one man holds the key!
[a gong is struck]
Choir: (singing) So if you are stymied to find a prognosis,
And ask yourself just like Freud,
In Movostasis,
Stop scratching your head,
Let us cure it instead,
On our show, on our show.
Now here is the man, to explain,
The tortured terrain, of your brain,
The man who feels, everyone's pain,
Dr Crane! Dr Crane! Frasier Craaaaaane! |
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Oh Babe What Would You Say?
Written by:
E S Smith
Originally Performed by:
Hurricane Smith
Featured in:
Ep 177 "Sliding Frasiers" |
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The bits Frasier sang are in red.
As I have hoped for half a chance
To even ask if I could dance with you... You-oo,
Would you greet me or politely turn away?
Would there suddenly be sunshine on a cold and rainy day?
Oh babe, what would you say?
For there are you sweet lollipops,
Here am I with such a lot to say, hey hey,
Just to walk with you along the Milky Way,
To caress you through the night time,
Bring you flowers everyday,
Oh babe, what would you say?
Just so, baby I know
I know I could be so in love with you,
And I know that I could make you love me too,
And if I could only hear you say you do, oo, oo, oo, oo
But anyway, What would you say?
Just so, baby I know
I know I could be so in love with you,
And I know that I could make you love me too,
And if I could only hear you say the words you do, oo, oo, oo, oo
But anyway, what would you say? |
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The Wild Rover
Written by:
Unknown (Old Irish Folk Song)
Originally Performed by:
(Unknown)
Featured in:
Ep 230 "Farewell Nervosa" |
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The bits Ben sang are in red.
I've been a wild rover for many a year
And I spent all my money on whiskey and beer,
And now I'm returning with gold in great store
And I never will play the wild rover no more.
And it's no, nay, never,
No nay never no more,
Will I play the wild rover
No never no more.
I went to an ale-house I used to frequent
And I told the landlady my money was spent.
I asked her for credit, she answered me "nay
Such a custom as yours I could have any day."
I took from my pocket ten sovereigns bright
And the landlady's eyes opened wide with delight.
She said "I have whiskey and wines of the best
And the words that I spoke sure were only in jest."
I'll go home to my parents, confess what I've done
And I'll ask them to pardon their prodigal son.
And if they forgive me as oft times before
Sure I never will play the wild rover no more. |
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Tie Me Kangaroo Down Sport
Written by:
Rolf Harris
Originally Performed by:
Rolf Harris
Featured in:
Ep 230 "Farewell Nervosa" |
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The bits Ben sang are in red.
There's an old Australian stockman lying dying
And he gets himself up onto one elbow
And he turns to his mates who are gathered around
And he says:
Watch me wallabies feed, mate
Watch me wallabies feed
They're a dangerous breed, mate
So watch me wallabies feed
All together now
Tie me kangaroo down sport,
Tie me kangaroo down sport,
Tie me kangaroo down sport,
Tie me kangaroo down.
Keep me cockatoo cool, Kool
Keep me cockatoo cool
Don't go away from the fool, Kool
Just keep me cockatoo cool
And take me koala back, Jack
Take me koala back
He lives somewhere out on the track, Mack
So take me koala back
Let me aboes go loose, Lou
Let me aboes go loose
They're of no further use, Lou
So let me aboes go loose
And mind me platypus duck, Bill
Mind me platypus duck
Oh, don't let him go running amuck, Bill
Just mind me platypus duck
Play your didgeridoo, Blue
Play your didgeridoo
Oh, like keep playing till I shoot through, Blue
Play your didgeridoo
Tan me hide when I'm dead, Fred
Tan me hide when I'm dead
So we tanned his hide when he died, Clyde
And that's it hanging on the shed |
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I Am The Very Model Of A Modern Major General
Written by:
Gilbert and Sullivan
Originally Performed by:
(Unknown)
Featured in:
Ep 232 "Fathers And Sons" |
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Note: The song comes from the play "The Pirates Of Penzance" and is sung by different parts. In the episode this song was featured in, Frasier, Niles and Leland (David Ogden Stiers) also sang different parts of the song. Here, I'll just list the song as it would be sung in the play! :-) The bits sang by them are in red.
GENERAL: I am the very model of a modern Major-General,
I've information vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights historical
From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical;
I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical,
I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical,
About binomial theorem I'm teeming with a lot o' news,
With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse.
ALL: With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse.
With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse.
With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse.
GENERAL: I'm very good at integral and differential calculus;
I know the scientific names of beings animalculous:
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I am the very model of a modern Major-General.
ALL: In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
He is the very model of a modern Major-General.
GENERAL: I know our mythic history, King Arthur's and Sir Caradoc's;
I answer hard acrostics, I've a pretty taste for paradox,
I quote in elegiacs all the crimes of Heliogabalus,
In conics I can floor peculiarities parabolous;
I can tell undoubted Raphaels from Gerard Dows and Zoffanies,
I know the croaking chorus from the Frogs of Aristophanes!
Then I can hum a fugue of which I've heard the music's din afore,
And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinafore.
ALL: And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinafore.
And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinafore.
And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinafore.
GENERAL: Then I can write a washing bill in Babylonic cuneiform,
And tell you ev'ry detail of Caractacus's uniform:
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I am the very model of a modern Major-General.
ALL: In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
He is the very model of a modern Major-General.
GENERAL: In fact, when I know what is meant by "mamelon" and "ravelin",
When I can tell at sight a Mauser rifle from a javelin,
When such affairs as sorties and surprises I'm more wary at,
And when I know precisely what is meant by "commissariat",
When I have learnt what progress has been made in modern gunnery,
When I know more of tactics than a novice in a nunnery--
In short, when I've a smattering of elemental strategy,
You'll say a better Major-General has never sat a gee.
ALL: You'll say a better Major-General has never sat a gee.
You'll say a better Major-General has never sat a gee.
You'll say a better Major-General has never sat a gee.
GENERAL: For my military knowledge, though I'm plucky and adventury,
Has only been brought down to the beginning of the century;
But still, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I am the very model of a modern Major-General.
ALL: But still, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
He is the very model of a modern Major-General. |
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My Funny Valentine
Written by:
Richard Rogers and Lorenz Hart
Originally Performed by:
Frank Sinatra
Featured in:
Ep 238 "The Babysitter" |
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The bits Ronee sang are in red.
My funny Valentine
Sweet comic Valentine
You make me smile with my heart
Your looks are laughable
Unphotographable
Yet you're my favourite work of art
Is your figure less than Greek
Is your mouth a little weak
When you open it to speak
Are you smart?
But don't change a hair for me
Not if you care for me
Stay little Valentine stay
Each day is Valentine's day
Is your figure less than Greek
Is your mouth a little weak
When you open it to speak
Are you smart?
But don't you change one hair for me
Not if you care for me
Stay little Valentine stay
Each day is Valentine's day |
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The SeaBees!
Written by:
Patricia Breen
Originally Performed by:
Kelsey Grammer
Featured in:
Ep 244 "SeaBee Jeebies" |
To the tune of "Moon River":
The SeaBees,
Now are at an end
We hope you've made a friend
Or two...
And the SeaBees
Have great freebies,
Just pick up your bag
At the door to your right.
The SeaBees,
We hope your day was great,
And, yes, we validate,
Right there.
See Rico, Eduardo or Jen,
They'll bring it round the bend,
A Hyundai or a Benz
The SeaBees
Are through. |
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On The Sunny Side Of The Street
Written by:
Fields/McHugh
Originally Performed by:
Billie Holiday
Featured in:
Ep 248 "Freudian Sleep" |
Can't you hear that pitter-pat?
And that happy tune is your step
Life can be complete
On the sunny side of the street.
I used to walk in the shade
With my blues on parade
But I'm not afraid
And this rover, crossed over.
If I never have a cent
I'll be rich as Rockefeller
Gold dust at my feet
On the sunny side of the street! |
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The Peek-A-Boo Song
Written by:
Joe Keenan
Originally Performed by:
Laurie Metcalf/Various Kids
Featured in:
Ep 249 "Caught In The Act" |
Nanette: (covers her eyes) Peek-A-Boo...
Kids: Peek-A-Boo!
Nanette: Peek-A-Boo...
Kids: Peek-A-Boo!
Nanette: Someone's there, but oh my gosh, I don't know who!
Is it you?
Kids: Peek-A-Boo!
Nanette: Give a clue!
Kids: Peek-A-Boo!
Nanette: Guess I'd better go and sneak a Peek-a-Boo! (uncovers her eyes)
Kids: Peek-A-Boo! |
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Nanny's Messy Bed
Written by:
Joe Keenan
Originally Performed by:
Laurie Metcalf/Various Actors
Featured in:
Ep 249 "Caught In The Act" |
Nanette: When it's time to rise, I yawn and rub my eyes,
Because I'm such a sleepyhead,
But rise I do, 'Cause I'm dying to see what's new
In Nanny's messy bed!
There might be treats, last week I found a pizza,
And a chimpanzee named Fred,
So kids, what say, we see what we find today
In Nanny's messy bed?
There's always something new
It's Mr. Kangaroo!
Bunnies: Some bunny rabbits, too!
Panda: And a Panda!
(Instrumental)
All: What a mess!
What a mess!
What a messy, messy, messy, messy bed!
What a mess! Nonetheless...
Nanette: With all the time I spend in it, it's nice to have a friend in it!
All: What a messy, messy, messy, messy bed! |
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The Hoppity-Hop Song
Written by:
Joe Keenan
Originally Performed by:
Laurie Metcalf/Various Actors
Featured in:
Ep 249 "Caught In The Act" |
Nanette: When I'm blue, just like you,
When it's not my day,
I hop, hop, hoppity-hop,
Hop my troubles away!
All: When a bee stings my knee,
When I lose a toy,
I hop, hop, hoppity-hop,
and soon I'm jumping for joy!
We were feeling sad,
Now we're feeling snappy,
We were hopping mad,
Now we're hopping happy!
So when you think people stink,
Let your knees just bend,
And hop, hop, hoppity-hop,
And watch your grumpiness end! |
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Song Lyrics
