Lucy Kibaki was awarded a Presidential Honour but Wangari Maathai was not. Can you spell S.T.U.P.I.D.I.T.Y?

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Issue 79: Tuesday November 16 2004: I'm a year older, of Margaret Hassan, Obama Mania, Just Friends and NSHIF for dummies.

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The Ministry of Tourism was there to meet Sean Paul and escort him in a convoy but could not be bothered to meet Miss Kenya on her return from doing duty for her Country in China. About as useful as powdered water!

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Lucy Kibaki was awared a presidential award on Jamhuri day, which is without a doubt the largest dump the President has ever taken on the people of Kenya.

There should only have been one award that day, and it should have gone to the Kenyan Woman and Mother, because she, and only she, has sacrificed for the well being of this country [More]

Roocy (Roo-sie: (Noun) Person with a habit of perpetually airing opinions, generally ill informed ones
USAGE
- Frogs in what pool? Stop roocing! (Verb)
- The KenyanMP is a colossal roocy. He always has a lot to say, and mst of it comes out of the wrong end. (Noun)
- What a schmuck! She's such a roocy gossip! Always going on and on about this and that! (Adverb)

Now that our dear Professor Wangari Maathai has won a Nobel Peace Prize (and 100 million bob) the hordes of constipated buffalo masquerading as MPs who were quite ready to kick her in the head and yank out her braids by the roots suddenly are singing her praises and boosting her to the skies.

I almost burst a blood vessel with outrage when our favourite fossil, his Excellency Mwai "Quicksilver" Kibabi shamelessly awarded his own wife a Presidential award on Jamhuri day. This is without a doubt the most colossal pile of horse manure i've ever come across.

Pray what did that she do to deserve the award that thousands of other wives and mothers all over Kenya have not? Every day all over the country women and mothers wake up first at the crack of dawn, bathe babies, cook breakfast, feed husband and children before going to work herself, then getting home first(when not picking the kids), preparing tea, inquiring after the welfare of the kids and the husband, preparing the washing, superintending dinner preparations, helping with the homework, balancing the house accounts and making sure that things like sugar and antiseptic have not run out. All the while she is being passed over for promotions because she might become pregnant and she has a good chance of being clobbered by her husband because she burnt his toast. And she puts up with all this with a smile and goes on to do it all the following day.

The person who should be given national recognition is the Kenyan woman, in recognition of all the struggle and effort she puts in spite of the overwhelming odds against her.

Lucy Kibaki does NOT, repeat NOT, fit in in this mould. Riding in the Presidential motorcade, eating presidential mukimo, shopping with the presidential salary and bleating opinions, most of them uninformed using the presidential press service does not entitle one to anything but a swift kick to the backside.

That award has forever been cheapened beyond all measure! SHAME!

I'm not done with this feller, not by a long shot! On Jamhuri day he pardoned thousands of prisoners for petty offences. One of these was Margaret Gachara, who defrauded 30 million Kenyans of 27 million shillings of their money. HOW THE HELL IS THIS A PETTY OFFENCE?

Just this Wednesday I made an appearance at the Kenya Revenue Authority to convince them to give me a PIN number. (How i don't have one after all this time is a very long story).

As I was filling out my forms a old dude of about 60, sweating like an ox after a day at the field, popped up at my elbow. He was wearing a chequered coat that even Shaft would have refused to wear. He wanted to know if I was filling a PIN application. I looked from the form labeled "PIN APPLICATION" to the man and back again and told him I suspected that was what I was doing, but could not be sure.

He went on to inform me that most of what i was writing was irrelevant. THey did not care what i made, or my address. All they wanted to know were my names and my address. I nodded and went on filling the form.

He then leaned in close and asked me if I wanted the PIN on that day, and i told him indeed I did. He then went on to tell me that if I wanted it that day, a mere 200 bob would save me some week's wait.

It is at this point that a chap is caught between a rock and a hard place. The KRA has extended an amnesty to Kenyans and come 31st December they will start arraigning people in court for tax evasion, and from what I am told, the KRA is empowered to decide arbitrarily how much they want from an individual. So they can take a look at you and decide you're good for 16,565,122 and 42 cents. However, you cannot pay taxes without a PIN.

However I'll be damned if i was going to fork out 200 bob to a guy whose salary I pay anyway so I smiled at him and told him "My guy, twende kazi. Let's rock."

If you are not familiar with what Sean Paul means by "Like Glue", you'd have gotten an idea from observing me. I stuck next to that guy like a shadow. Everywhere he turned I was there. I followed him to the counter, where he ignored the queue and handed over the application to a surprisingly good looking civil Servant. He gave her a smile and I gave her an even bigger one and then we moved away. I watched her fake hair bob up and down in industry as she keyed in my particulars, and she then looked up and called my name.

It is at this point i detached myself from my fairy godfather, bobbed up at the desk, flashed her my killer smile (reserved for very special occasions as well as very desperate ones), picked up my certificate and left a sonic boom as i got the hell out of there.

"What do you mean you locked the keys in the tank?" The heads of the Kenya Navy and Air force look in amazement at their sheepish army colleague.

I do this purely as a hobby, for the love of the game and because I can. However I am also open to ideas and proposals

19 December: Laura's Big Day
23 December: Christmas Eve Eve
24 December: Christmas Eve
25 December: Christmas Day
26 December: Boxing Day

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Ethan Zukerman
Am too lethargic to go looking for some more so if you know of any mail me

Angela - It's a plot i tell you! Haters abound!
Gathoni - Good luck on your big move!
Mary Kimani I got your correspondence. I'm all ears
Just a shout out to my nearest and dearest for soldiering on in spite of knowing me well...Aida (You're the best) , Sam (Ever my lad) , Njeri (Out of Country only in body) , Winnie (Nuts!) , Angela (Keep me on my toes) and Bert (You's a good man!)- thanks a million. You guys are the best! 10,000 blessings and a bag of potatoes for you!

My thanks also to Muthoni, Kelvin, Nina, Z, Kip, Vicky, Jacqueline, Jeff, P and Cathy. Thanks a lot from the bottom of my little heart :)