"TEARS OF DECEIT" by Sarah Ryniker

STORY LAST UPDATED ON 09/04/2003

Tears of Deceit Prologue Chapter One Chapter Two Chapter Three Chapter Four Chapter Five Chapter Six Chapter Seven Chapter Eight Chapter Nine Chapter Ten Chapter Eleven Chapter Twelve Chapter Thirteen Chapter Fourteen Epilogue

CHAPTER TWELVE: TRUE FRIENDSHIP

It didn't take much for me to realise that I would be alone for the rest of my life. I didn't seem to know what true love was. No matter the strength of the feelings I had for Allen, I knew that it wasn't true love. It could only really be true if both parties weren't taken. Allen was as much married, as I was completely alone.
    Maybe it was the fact that I was alone that was driving me to be this way. Maybe it was really taking its toll on me. I was lonely in ways that I couldn't begin to describe. I just wanted a gentle shoulder to cry on.
    And I ended up getting that just weeks before the big wedding that I had tried to prevent, but had failed miserably. They showed up late in the night. I was the only one to actually hear their arrival. My room faced the front of the house, and I hadn't been able to sleep all night.
    So when I heard the car pull up, I rose from bed to greet the people arriving. I knew that it was somebody for the wedding. People from out of town had been asked to show up at least three weeks before.
    When I opened the door, three faces peered in at me. One girl's green eyes seemed to burn into me, assessing everything I was with one single glance. Her beautiful eyes took me back to Tammy, and I felt an attraction that hadn't been there since. I forced myself to ignore it, and introduce myself.
    "Hello, I'm Felicity. You must be friends of Cry's," I said. She had told me about them before. Sure enough, as she had said, two women, a handsome man and a little girl were all standing in the doorway, wanting to get in because the summer nights were frighteningly cold by the ocean.
    "I'm Francine," the green-eyed girl introduced, pointing to herself. Then she turned to the others. "This is David, Kimberly and Kylie," she said, indicating the sleeping little girl in David's arms last.
    "Well, come in, I'll show you to your rooms." I led them in quietly, and gave them each a room. Even the little girl had her own.
    I gave Francine her room last. She said "thank you" as I opened the door for her. "Anytime. It's really a pleasure to meet you."
    She looked at me suddenly, her eyes hard at first. Then they softened to a warm glow, and she smiled. "It's more of a pleasure to meet you," she said, and went into the room.
    I then had a huge dilemma. I instantly had a crush on Francine, which was, I guess, Cry's best friend. I hated Cry, but if I could get a little closer to Francine by treating her slightly better, that would be fine, too. But what about Allen?
    Guilt hit me. I wanted Allen, too. In fact, just thinking about the things we'd done together brought warmth through my body that was very pleasurable. But I couldn't have both. Could I?
    I went back into my room, and curled up in my bed. Only the next days could tell what would happen. I would just have to go with the flow to find out if love would come my way, and if lust would leave me alone. I would just wait and see.

When morning came, I was one of the first ones up, in spite of the fact that I had gone to bed so late. Father had put me in charge of the wedding, insisting that I had good enough taste to keep Cry from going crazy on things. That meant I had a million things to do, including a full day spending time with my soon-to- be very young stepmother.
    Cry was in the dining room, eating silently when I walked in. Nobody else had risen, but I had told her to make sure to be up. She looked dreadfully tired and drained, but still smiled my way. I swore that her smile was a wicked one to spite me. Evil things went on in the back of her head.
    I also knew that her over-flirtatious act with Eddie was a way to get back at me for being mean to her. She made that loud and clear to me when she would purposely start it the moment I was paying attention. She would smile my way, raise her eyebrows in a way that said "Ha! Ha! I win, bitch" and then turn back to my brother.
    I smiled back at her when she smiled at me, and she shrugged. There was a silent war between us now. We tolerated each other, but we honestly couldn't stand being in the presence of one another.
    "Can we wait another hour before leaving this morning, Felicity? Francine and Kim want to come along, but I wanted to give them a little more time to sleep."
    My heart skipped a beat. Spending a whole day with Francine, and getting to know her? I shrugged. "I don't see why not. I can call and reschedule our appointments for later today. They'll make exceptions for me," I bragged. I had put together a wedding in six months all because I had more power in this town than first assumed.
    Father marrying Cry was suddenly rushing us head-on back into the social light. People from all over the rich world wanted to come to the wedding, to view the new bride of Tomas Lavigne. If anyone knew the old one, they'd swear they were witnessing the same wedding all over again.
    I hated the attention I was suddenly getting from people all over. I was on the cover of magazines and newspapers because I was the "loving daughter" of Tomas Lavigne. My life story was pasted all over the place against my will. And most of the time they made me out to be one of the most loving people in the world. If they only knew the thoughts I had, and the things I did.
    I decided that if we were to wait for Francine and Kim, we would wait for Kassy. I needed to include her in these things. She was still my sister, and she had every right to help plan this wedding as I did. Plus, I figured that if I were with Kassy, more often my feelings of guilt would over ride the feelings of lust I had for her husband.
    Kassy was more than excited to be going. For reasons I did understand until we got to the bridal shop, however. We were going for gown fittings, which was a good thing for Kim and Francine, because Cry had estimated their sizes way off.
    However, when Kassy saw me get up there with the others, she began to cry. I got down from the stool that I was standing on, and kneeled down to her. "What is it, Kassy?" I was getting annoyed. Every time I took her somewhere out of the goodness of my heart, something like this would happen.
    "I wanna try on a pretty dress and be the flower girl!" she cried, wiping madly at the downfall of tears covering her cheeks.
    Cry turned suddenly, and the way she looked at Kassy gave me the chills. It almost seemed as if Cry herself was being thrown back into some sort of memory. Of what, I couldn't say. But whatever she was thinking of brought darkness to her eyes.
    I ignored Cry, and turned back to Kassy. "Sweetheart, we already have a flower girl. You're much too old to be a flower girl now."
    "But I want to try on a pretty dress!" she screamed, and kicked me. I was thrust back by the force of her kick, and fell into Francine, who fell down, too.
    I sat there, completely stunned. It was the first violent outburst Kassy had ever had. And it was one of the first times I couldn't control her. And then I looked into her eyes, and my blood ran cold.
    She knew. This was no childish act. Her dark eyes were black, and she held a look on her entire face that promised punishment for me. I swallowed hard, and tried to look away but I was unable. She stared at me with those eyes, the anger and jealousy shining through them with a hellish glow.
    "Kassy," I whispered. But she shook her head, and started to walk away. "Kassy, please come back. You can wear a dress!" I cried.
    She turned to me, and smiled viciously. "Take your pretty dress and shove it up your ass," she spat, and continued to walk out to the limo.
    "What was that all about?" Francine asked as she helped me to my feet.
    I looked at her, and then looked towards the direction Kassy had gone. "That is what I deserved," I muttered.
    Then I looked to Cry, wanting so much to blame all of this on her. If she hadn't come I wouldn't have got jealous and found my true, deep-seeded feelings for Allen. It was her fault.
    But it wasn't her fault entirely. I didn't have to act the way I did. I didn't have to betray my sister completely. It felt different to her when he was fantasising. But now I had made it a reality, and that was far more crushing to her than anything else.
    Cry looked back at me, and met my eyes. We both knew damn well what it was about. But I found it very unfair that Kassy knew about me, and not Cry. But of course, Allen wouldn't dare call out Cry's name like he would mine when having sex with Kassy. And he thought Kassy completely dumb. He would tell her purposely just to hurt her deep down where she understood.
    We finished out gown fittings quickly, all of us attempting to bring back the good mood that we all had been in. But the moment continued to play in all of our minds, especially mine, over and over again. I just couldn't stop thinking about Kassy and the hurt, anger and jealousy in her eyes.
    When we went home, Kassy ignored me all the way there. I knew there would be no talking to her. Kassy would lock herself up into a completely different place than we were in. Her child's world was a safer place to be. It was a place where she could pretend that she was still naïve and stupid about the ways of the world. It was a place where she could pretend that her sister hadn't betrayed every sense of trust.
    I escaped the car the moment we drove up the drive. I couldn't stand being within the hostile air that was surrounding me. Kassy's looks of hatred were enough to make me want to burst into tears. But I didn't want to do that in front of people, especially these people.
    I stormed down through the large field, heading towards the large gazebo that wasn't too far from the ocean. The sounds of the sea began to calm my nerves as I sat down, staring out at the choppy views of the ocean between the large pine trees.
    "Hey," I heard, and turned to see Francine entering the gazebo. "You seemed troubled, and I thought I might come out to see if everything is alright with our hostess."
    I smiled tightly. "I'm fine. Just thinking about the horrible things I've done in my life. Kassy reminded me all too well."
    "From what I've witnessed and concluded about you, you couldn't have been too horrible in your life. So what if your sister is angry with you? She'll get over it. All sisters do." She seemed so sure. But she didn't know anything.
    "Yeah, you don't know the half of it." I gave a little laugh. "I got pregnant by her husband a few years ago, and gave him the only son he has. And I've been having a huge, secret love affair with him lately," I confessed, my head down.
    "You had a baby with him? Didn't you learn your lesson?" I could feel that she was disgusted with me, finding that I wasn't the type of person she'd assumed me to be.
    "I didn't mean to get pregnant." I actually laughed at my words. "I didn't even willingly have sex with him. I mean, I was always attracted to him, he knew that, but…" I started to go into detail, telling her everything that had happened right up until recently.
    "And I'm sure that all of this sounds pretty ridiculous now. Maybe it is all an excuse. But I love Kassy with every fibre of my being, and I never meant to hurt her," I finished, wiping my eyes with a handkerchief that I always carried with me.
    Francine nodded. "People do make mistakes, Felicity. Really, they do, even people who've never done wrong in their lives. You can't help how you feel." She almost whispered it.
    "You act as if you know exactly how I feel about this all. Do you?" I could feel a connection between us, as if both of us had been hurt in our lives, and knew how the other was feeling.
    She nodded sadly. "Things happened awhile back. I got pregnant by my boss. But I didn't have the baby; I got an abortion. It's something that I'll regret for the rest of my life and feel guilty for. It's also something that has changed me forever. Landon ruined me.
    "I also know your confusion that you had when you had your experience with that girl Tammy." She seemed shocked that she was telling me all of this.
    "Do you really?" I asked, becoming exciting. I wasn't the only one in the world that just didn't know how to go about things.
    She nodded. "You see I became very close with Cry. I sort of began to really like her and be attracted to her. It was part of the reason I pulled away from her for a while. I was scared by my own thoughts and feelings."
    She shook her head. "I never told her about it, though. I knew she would never be like that. Cry has a severe taste for men. Something I've noticed lately."
    "Francine, I know you're a good friend of hers, but I don't think I really like Cry all that much. I think she's marrying my father for his money," I said, shaking my head.
    She smiled at me. "No, there are other reasons. I can't tell you them, it's not my place to. Maybe your father can someday. Just trust me, Cry isn't after the money."
    "Well, even if not, I still don't like her," I pouted. I wanted so much for that to be the reason for their marriage. Maybe I just couldn't stand the thought of my father marrying such a young woman.
    "Sometimes Cry is very much like a child. She doesn't listen to the intelligent advice anyone gives her."
    Her words chilled me. Kassy had the same problem; only Kassy was like a small child, not a teenager. "Kassy is like that, too. Only she's like a little girl in need of guidance and love. I've tried so hard to give it to her, but it's so difficult. It's almost as if I have to live her life for her. Maybe that is why I'm so attracted to her husband." It was the first time I'd really thought of it that way.
    "Honey, sometimes that's just the way things happen. But if I were you, I'd back off and let Kassy do her own thing. Live your life, not hers. She's an adult woman, whether she acts it or not."
    Her words rang too true. I knew that I would have to leave that family alone again, not letting myself get involved once more.
    I left Cry alone after that talk. I found that I liked resolving my feelings by talking to Francine more than I liked following Cry around suspiciously. It was easier to talk about my feelings, rather than be annoyed all of the time.
    I still didn't like Cry, and I knew that I was still very rude and bossy towards her. But I did lighten up a bit, and actually started to get to know her somewhat. I never showed it, however. I was still suspicious. There was an alternate reason other than love, and it made me wary of this woman who looked so much like my dead mother.
    Ever since Cry had come into my life so suddenly, I'd been having nightmares. Or a nightmare, I should say. It was only one dream. In it I was walking through a cemetery with fog surrounding me. I was a little girl, and I seemed to be searching for something, or somebody. I called for my mother, and then I would come upon her grave. Suddenly, the ground beneath my feet would begin to move, as if somebody was trying to dig their way out. I would hear my name being called by a familiar voice, and then I would wake up before the dream ended.
    I never confided in anyone about the dream, really. I felt that there wasn't anybody that really needed to know about it. But I would often feel very scared afterward. I knew that there was a message in my dream, some sort of secret just hidden right under my nose. If I searched enough for it, I would find it.

The day of the wedding came quickly. I felt so frustrated with everyone. While Cry was getting pampered, I had to take care of every single arrangement, making sure everything was perfect. I felt like screaming I was so stressed out.
    Finally, as I was rushing down the hallway, Francine stopped me. "Calm down, Felicity. Take a quick break."
    I took a deep breath, and sat on one of the many antique chairs that graced the hall. I nodded. "I know that I need to take a break. But I just want everything to go right. I've been putting this together almost by myself, and I want to prove to myself that I can do things like this without anyone's help."
    "Felicity, you're too independent. Don't you ever just want to depend on somebody you love?" she asked, shaking her head, her hands on her hips.
    I laughed bitterly. "Maybe I would. But seeing that nobody I love is really dependable, that's impossible."
    "Oh, you poor thing," she whispered, and sat on the arm of the chair, and hugged me to her. "You have me now. Anytime you want, you can depend on me. You work too damn hard for a young woman."
    Sometimes Francine seemed so much older than her years. I knew that she was only a year older than me. But she was very wise for somebody so young. I admired her more than anyone I'd ever admired. And I was really beginning to like her.
    I didn't feel the feelings I felt with Tammy towards Francine. They didn't develop rapidly and suddenly. They just slowly began to come, and I welcomed them. I wasn't frightened by the strength of feelings I was developing. I knew that this time the feelings were real, and unlike anything I'd ever felt before. I was really starting to fall in love.
    I didn't purposely fall for her, of course. I hadn't planned on it, even though I'd been attracted to her. But when I found out that she was as beautiful inside as outside, I couldn't help the rush of feelings that came over me. She was a wonderful person, with a straight head on her shoulders. She was the most perfect woman I'd ever known.
    I knew that I was lost to the churning of emotions within my heart. After Francine left me in the hall to rest while she took care of a few things for me, I really realised that impact of what I was truly feeling. And never in my life had I ever felt more comfortable with myself.
    I had no idea that my emotions would be in an uproar in just a few short hours, and over the period of the next few weeks. In fact, I think everything took awhile to truly hit. But when it hit, it hit hard. It was the second time in my life that I just didn't know how to deal with things. But go on I would.

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