"TEARS OF DECEIT" by Sarah Ryniker

STORY LAST UPDATED ON 09/04/2003

Tears of Deceit Prologue Chapter One Chapter Two Chapter Three Chapter Four Chapter Five Chapter Six Chapter Seven Chapter Eight Chapter Nine Chapter Ten Chapter Eleven Chapter Twelve Chapter Thirteen Chapter Fourteen Epilogue

EPILOGUE

Through the first year of our marriage, David and I were close, and we had a good marriage. We were a good little family, as long as nobody knew of our true problems. But I couldn't hide my deep, dark secrets forever. Nor could I hide them from everyone.
    I wasn't in love with David. As hard as I tried, I just couldn't get myself to love him. He was a good friend, but as our married life progressed, just his touching and kissing made my skin crawl. I didn't want to have much to do with him, but I tried my best to hide it. I had no reason to hurt him.
    Then Kassy and Allen came for a visit. The first night they arrived, Allen watched me closely at the dinner table. I tried not to meet his eyes, but it was so hard to keep my eyes away from his. David saw the look in Allen's eyes, and possessively placed his hand over mine. I saw Allen smile. I knew what he was thinking. He could see my feelings without even looking into my eyes.
    That night, after David fell asleep, I sneaked from our bed. I made my way out into the gazebo where I sat and really thought about everything. I could never leave David. There was no reason for me to. I would never find anyone that I could be with. I would love nobody more than I loved Allen. And what was the point of being alone and breaking up our family?
    I had just got up to go back into the house when I heard footsteps behind me. I stood still, already sensing whom it was. I turned slowly to see Allen standing there. In the moon's light he appeared to be a god. He was beautiful, and my heart pounded harder and faster than it had in a long time.
    "Allen, I can't be with you, so why do you keep this going?" I cried, already feeling my surrender.
    "Why can't you be with me? You don't love the man you married," he said, coming towards me. Soon he was just inches from me.
    "Because Kassy knows, and I can't do that to her. I can't stand the fact that she hates me," I said, feeling the tears stinging my eyes.
    He brushed his hand against my cheek. "She only hates you because she knows that I love you."
    "If you love me, why don't you just leave her?" I cried, hating myself for my words.
    "You know Kassy needs somebody in her life. If I were to leave her for you, where would she have to go?" he asked, and I really began to cry.
    He wrapped his arms around me, and held me tightly. "I just don't know how to deal with my feelings. My skin crawls at the thought of anyone touching me but you. You're the only one I can imagine myself with forever, and I can't have you."
    He cupped my face in his hands, and turned it upwards. He kissed me long and deep, and my body relaxed. "You can have me forever, Felicity. We just have to be married to different people."
    I gave into him that night, not being able to fight it. In fact, we stayed outside in the gazebo, making love until the sun just began to come up over the horizon. Then we said our goodbyes, having to return to the people we'd already promised ourselves to. But I knew that it wasn't the end. It would never be the end.
    It was only two months after Allen left that I noticed the signs of pregnancy. It could have been David's baby; I wasn't frigid towards him. But I knew in my heart that the baby was Allen's. I was about to give birth to my second child, my second child from the same man.
    David was ecstatic about the baby, so I could never tell him the truth. But when I announced it to my entire family, Allen and Kassy were there. And Allen knew. I could see it in his eyes that he knew the truth. He just didn't say anything.
    He searched me out later, finding me walking alone by the ocean. "You'll catch a cold out here, Felicity. I don't want you to get sick."
    "It's not cold enough to get sick out here," I said, and continued walking.
    "Why the Hell do you have to be such a stubborn woman?" he asked, coming up behind me.
    I stopped, and turned his way. I smiled brightly. "Isn't that why you love me?" I asked in a soft voice. I couldn't help being happy that I was about to give birth to his child.
    He leaned over and kissed me gently. "Of course it is," he said, and held my hand. "But it is September, and it is colder out here than you think. So come back in."
    I shrugged, and followed the path back to the house. As we were walking up, I saw David in one of the second storey windows. He was watching me very closely. I knew then that he'd been watching me for some time now. That meant that he knew more than I assumed.
    I never asked David about it, and when my second son was born, he happily accepted the blond-haired, blue-eyed little boy as his own. Never once did David question me about the handsome little boy I gave birth to. Now we had three children, and it didn't really matter who belonged to whom. They were all ours.
    My son, who I named Tomas Edward, was a beautiful child. And as he grew older and older, I saw more of me in him than Allen. I knew that, deep in his heart, David was happy about that. Though he did often tease about "our" son looking more like me than him. But sometimes when he did, his eyes would meet mine, and they would be dark and telling. I would have to look away, and quickly disappear somewhere so that no one could see what I was feeling.
    My affair with Allen never ended, however. Eventually, he was the only one I had sex with. David eventually refused to touch me. But I could see the love he had for me still shining in his eyes. I knew I was hurting him severely, but I couldn't help what I felt.
    Then one night, five years after our son had been born, and I was five months pregnant again, Allen called. It was the most sickening call of my life. Kassy was dead. She had overdosed on sleeping pills. And I knew that it was my fault, and it was something I would have to live with for the rest of my life.
    Kassy's death had a big impact on me, and I began to pay more attention to David. I apologised to him constantly, but it did no good. I had hurt his soul, not just his heart. It would take years before he could ever forgive me for what I'd done. I decided that it was time to break myself off from Allen and the two girls. No longer would I continue the affair.
    And as the sun set in the evening, I gave birth to a beautiful blond-haired little girl, I believed in my heart that she was David's. And I hoped that David could love her as if she really was. But I knew there was no happy ending. I wasn't sure there ever would be one.
    We were a family, as I've said before. But we were a family full of deeply hidden secrets. I wasn't sure there was another family anywhere that had as many skeletons in their closets as we did.
    I knew it killed David inside to look at Tomas and Kimberly, and know that they weren't really his blood. I knew that it hurt him somewhere deep inside. And he would never let me touch him deep inside again. He would never forgive me, even if he would always love me.
    We were a family. But I was alone. And it seemed that no matter what, I would forever be alone. And this time, my loneliness was completely my fault.

THE END

Back to Home