"TEARS OF DECEIT" by Sarah Ryniker

STORY LAST UPDATED ON 09/04/2003

Tears of Deceit Prologue Chapter One Chapter Two Chapter Three Chapter Four Chapter Five Chapter Six Chapter Seven Chapter Eight Chapter Nine Chapter Ten Chapter Eleven Chapter Twelve Chapter Thirteen Chapter Fourteen Epilogue

CHAPTER THIRTEEN: A CRUEL, SELFISH FAMILY

I knew something was wrong with Father that day. He seemed so distant all day long. He sat in the shrine room alone most of the day. Since no one but family was allowed in the room, he knew that it was a safe place to hide. I just didn't understand his hiding.
    The ceremony went by in a blur for me. I didn't really care about the exchange of vows. But after the first dance as husband and wife was over, my father came over to ask me for a dance. I was genuinely shocked. He had never asked me to dance.
    "Alright," I said, seeing something in his eyes I'd never seen before.
    We danced to a slow song in silence for a moment. But then he began to speak. "Felicity, I know that I have done you extremely wrong. And I am so sorry for that. But I do want to tell you that I am extremely proud of who and what you have become."
    "Oh, Father, please. You don't know the monstrous thing that I've done," I pleaded, but he hushed me, wanting to get whatever it was out.
    "No, listen, please. I do know of the affair with Allen. I know of the affair with that girl Tammy. Trust me, I know. But you are still the most responsible and caring person I've ever known. And I just want you to know…" He paused for a moment, and looked away. Tears shone in his eyes, but he tried his hardest to hold them back. "I love you, Felicity. I love you so much."
    He hugged me tightly to him. I hugged back, almost understanding what was going on, but not quite catching it. Maybe I wanted to bury my head in the sand. Maybe then and there I could have stopped what was about to happen.
    But I didn't. All I said was "I love you, too, Daddy." And I looked deep into my father's eyes for the very last time.

I was sitting down and speaking with Francine and Eddie when Allen rushed out to the party. He looked at the three of us, and then pulled me away quickly. I looked at him, annoyed by his display. It had been so rude, and I was about to tell him about it.
    "This isn't some sort of booty call, Felicity," he snapped, obviously seeing what I was thinking. "Cry just walked in on your father. He slit his wrists, and hung himself."
    "Oh, my God!" I whispered, feeling the screams building up in my throat. Allen could see the horror in my eyes. But from then on, he was the only one to see my feelings.
    "Come on, I think you need to get away from here. I already called the coroner." He led me away from the party, and led me up to the bathroom where my father dangled lifelessly. Cry had already escaped the scene.
    "Oh my God!" I cried, and turned towards Allen. He wrapped his arms around me, and squeezed me tight.
    "It's alright, Felicity, just calm down. You can deal with this. You're too strong to let it break you." He brushed my hair lightly as I cried into his shoulder.
    I knew it was wrong to seek such comfort for him. But as much as I was falling for Francine, I had already fallen for Allen. I would always love him, more than anything. And I would forever run to his arms when I needed them.
    When I thought I could handle it, I turned back to my father's body. But the sight of it made my stomach churn. Everything I ate came out and into the toilet. I hadn't been able to control it. I had never been close with my father, but I did love him. And to see this was more painful than ever.
    I never showed another emotion, although the note confused me. I never said anything, though. I made funeral arrangements, and pretended so hard not to care. It was easier than crying until my sides hurt. Besides, this was what my father wanted, wasn't it? He wouldn't have done it if it weren't.
    Cry, however, put on a show that was worthy of awards in some people's eyes, but was well overdone in mine. So many people believed that she loved him, especially Eddie. He comforted her, and was there by her side the entire time. Didn't he even notice how his own twin was hurting? I was positive that he really didn't give a rat's ass.
    When she fainted as his casket was being lowered really made something in me snap. She didn't really love my father. I hated the show she was putting on. She was using my father's death to gain sympathy from others. And sadly, it was working.
    Then came the reading of the wills. We were all there, Cry, Eddie, Allen, Kassy and me. I sat there, waiting to hear how much he gave to Cry. Instead, though, he spread his money evenly, giving to all of us a big piece of his money. He gave me the entire house, saying that I was the responsible one, and would take care of it.
    And then he gave a secret that destroyed everything I'd ever believed to be true. I would hear the words in my sleep forever. "…Cry, forgive me, but I cannot lie to my children. They were all I had left after your mother left… She didn't die of any sickness, but of her own hand…"
    I heard not another syllable. My mother hadn't died. She had left us for another man. And she had been cheating on my father, and had got pregnant by this man before she'd even left.
    But the worst of it all was that she had left. She was the reason I had gone through everything I'd ever gone through in my life. It all revolved around her. And I hated her so much now, I couldn't even begin to understand why I'd ever grieved over her "death". I was glad that she was really dead now. I was afraid of what I might do to her if she wasn't.
    Afterward, everyone left so that I could make arrangements for distributing our inheritances with our lawyer, James Cogwell. It wasn't something I felt like talking about just yet. But I was enraged, and I knew that I had to get it out of me.
    Finally, after I calmed down a bit, he began to tell me about Cry, and how she was like Kassy. I didn't want to believe him. I wanted to say that she was just stupid and immature. I wanted to believe she was in for the money, not for anything else.
    "Felicity, I think she came here for help," he pleaded, his eyes dark.
    "And what am I supposed to do about it?" I spat at him. I knew what he expected of me. But I didn't think I could do it all over again.
    "Take care of her. Trust me, she is going to need you. I'll get a doctor in here to look at her here soon. Her disorder causes nymphomania, which, by what you've told, I assume has already happened," he explained, and I shook my head as the tears slid down my cheeks.
    "I already spent the majority of my life taking care of Kassy. I still do because I know how Allen cheats on her," I said through my tears, though I wasn't about to mention any names, especially my own. "I don't know if I can spend the rest of my life taking care of another one."
    He walked over to me, and placed his hand gently on my shoulder in comfort. "You have a well of strength within you that is unbelievable, Felicity. You always find ways to pull strength from the very depths of your soul. That is something to be admired." He left me there thinking that he was completely insane. I didn't have the strength everyone assumed. I was weak, and felt as if I was completely lost at sea.
    Then, I heard the door creak back open, and heard my name called from a voice I had come to hate. Cry stood behind me, looking as guilty as anyone I'd ever seen.
    "What do you want?" I snapped at her, hating her for being there at that moment. I want to be left alone with my thoughts and tears.
    "I want to apologise. I promise to be good from now on." She sounded like a little girl, wanting so much to please me. It brought me back to Kassy, and I actually laughed as I wiped at my tears.
    "I believe that you'll try, Cry. But I don't believe that you can do that." I saw her face fall a bit and lightened up. "But I promise to do my best to take care of you, whether I dislike you or not."
    It was all I had in me. I couldn't promise to love her. But I could promise to be good to her, and take care of her. And it seemed to be good enough for the time. Cry nodded, and left the room, obviously noticing my need to be left alone.
    As I took care of Cry, I began to realise how much like Kassy she really was. There was only really one difference, and that was Cry's obsession and addiction for sex. Her doctor told me that there really was nothing that I could do to keep it from getting to her. She would always relapse back into her sex addiction.
    So I was patient, and tried my hardest. It wasn't that difficult at first, she spent most of her time with her friends before they left. I, myself, spent time with Francine, as well. I didn't want to think of her leaving. I had become so attached to her. She had become my strength over the past month or so.
    "Well, we leave for home in a couple of days," Francine started one day as we sat outside in the gazebo.
    I sighed. "I know. And I think I'll miss you more than Cry will," I confessed, not looking at her. I looked at my hands in my lap.
    "I know I'll miss you more than I'll miss Cry," she suddenly confessed to. It brought my head up just as she leaned over to kiss me. It was the softest kiss I'd ever tasted, and it sent shivers coursing through my veins. "I am really falling for you, Felicity. And I hope that this doesn't end here."
    "It won't," I promised, and then she kissed me again, more passionately this time. When she pulled away I looked at her, stunned. "I'll visit as soon as possible."
    She laughed. Then she turned serious and sighed. "I think you'll be visiting sooner than you think, and not for good reasons."
    "What do you mean?" My heart thumped. What other bad news could there be? It seemed as if there was never any good news anymore.
    "Kim is dying of cancer. She has had it for a while, just recently told me after she got really sick. Doctor says she doesn't have much more than a few months left in her. I expect you'll bring Cry to her funeral." She looked into the wind sadly, her eyes glistening with tears.

A few days later, I watched as Cry hugged Kim, and promised to visit soon. It made me sad to think that she probably would never see Kimberly again. It also upset me to watch such a beautiful young girl leaving, knowing that she would soon die, and leave the world forever. God's plan for her hadn't been a good one. But she had managed to have the sweetest little girl ever created.
    Things progressed with Cry pretty well over the next months. She seemed to be doing so well, even though I would often find her in the hallway, looking completely confused. Often, she would forget what she was doing, and she would sometimes revert into a little girl. I began to really care for her, and glad that she was at least living up to the promise of being good.
    But I was worried about Eddie. I knew that he was still very much attracted to Cry. I found that she tried to avoid him, being that he was the only man in the house, and was her only temptation. But I know that it bothered him. It was eating at him not being around her, and eating at him even more because he knew that she was our sister.
    Five months after Father's death, I decided to speak to him about it. I found him standing outside on the bridge, his eyes closed, feeling the breeze lift his light brown strands of hair. I almost laughed about it. There was really no reason for him to close his eyes. He couldn't see anything, anyway. I knew that it was wrong of me, but I was frustrated, and when I was frustrated I had mean thoughts.
    "Eddie," I called as I approached, and he opened his eyes. I walked up and stood beside him, looking over the beautiful grounds that were our home. "I need to speak with you."
    "I've been expecting this," he sighed, and shook his head. "Well, let me have it, Felicity. Tell me how horribly wrong I am for these thoughts going through my head."
    "Eddie, it's not only about her being our sister. If she didn't look so much like our mother I would forget, too," I told him, placing my hand over his. "She's sick, Eddie. I just don't want your heart broken in the end when she can't love you the way that you love her."
    "But I know that she has it in her. I just can't give up on her," he breathed passionately. I could tell that there was no speaking to him about it. But I tried anyway.
    "You have to give up on her, Eddie. She is our sister, our blood. Even if Father isn't her father, we still share mothers. She came from the same womb you did. That should disturb you more than it does," I said, raising my voice.
    "Well, it doesn't. So leave me be!" he cried, and walked away from me, ending the conversation.
    I didn't know what to do. But I decided that I had other worries. I didn't know how Cry would react the day Francine would call to tell her about Kim's death. And that was more important right now than Eddie's obsession with her. After all, Cry was still avoiding him. If she avoided him long enough, I hoped that he would be able to get over it.
    And then it happened. Francine called, and Cry heard about it. And her promise flew out the window like so much garbage. Soon, I noticed how often she was around Eddie again. I paid attention to their time spent. She was no longer going back into that child's shell that she had been disappearing into off and on. She was once again a sex-crazed maniac, and she had her eyes set on our brother.
    I didn't keep a close eye on them, however. I knew that I had to go see Francine, and go to that funeral. I had known that girl, and I'd promised Francine I'd go. But explaining Cry's lack of appearance would be difficult. It would also hurt the people that she supposedly loved so much.
    When I arrived at the airport in Vegas early the morning before the funeral, David was there to pick me up. He looked horrible, even though he still was very handsome. His blond hair was hardly brushed, and he was unshaven. He looked pale, and his eyes were red from crying.
    He smiled a tight, empty smile when I reached him. "Thanks for coming." He looked behind me, expecting Cry.
    "She didn't come," I whispered.
    He looked at me, and nodded. "I suppose I shouldn't have expected her to. She was always a very me-oriented person." The way he said it made me believe that he had cared for Cry at one point in time. But obviously not the way he'd cared about Kim.
    When I arrived at the house, Francine was in a rocking chair in the den, rocking Kylie. She brushed the sleeping little girl's hair gently, trying to keep her own tears from waking her up. Even in sleep, Kylie was snivelling something awful from crying.
    How awful, I couldn't help thinking. I had assumed I'd had it so bad, having thought my mother had died of the very same thing. But I had hardly been born, and had never known her. I couldn't even begin to understand the pain Kylie was going through. How much this would change her life.
    David walked over, and plucked Kylie gently from Francine's arms. He left the room to take her upstairs. Francine stared at the window as she still rocked. Her tear-stained face was as pale as David's; it just showed more because he had facial hair.
    "I'm so sorry, Francine," I whispered, not knowing what else to say or do.
    "It's funny," she said, her voice hoarse. "You never realise how much a person means to you, or how close you've really become until you lose them."
    "At least you had that friendship in your life, right?" I offered. I wasn't very good at comforting people.
    She shrugged. "I hadn't come here thinking that I would become such good friends with these people. I came because I was really beginning to care about Cry. But I realised that Cry wasn't the person I expected, and I found myself spending time with Kim. I've never known such a good friend. And I consider myself so damned lucky to have known her."
    I walked over, and placed my hand on her head, and began to run my fingers through her hair, trying so hard to comfort, when I really didn't know how. "I just don't know how to comfort you, how to ease your pain."
    "Oh, Felicity. Just you showing up makes it feel a little better. It shows how much you actually care," she said bitterly. Obviously she was angry at Cry.
    "Well, I'll always be here for you. I can't replace Kim's place. But I can do the best I can," I promised.
    "I feel different about you than I did Kim. But it's all right. I'm glad that I still have somebody," she said, smiling sadly through her tears.

Kim's funeral was more difficult for me than my own father's I couldn't stand to hear that poor, seven-year-old little girl screaming "No, Mommy, no" over and over again as she was lowered into the ground. I hated knowing that the little girl before me would forever be tarnished of her innocence.
    It was then that I made the decision I did. It wasn't long after the funeral that Kimberly's home was being taken apart. Family members who hadn't spoken to her in years were appearing to come claim things, leaving Kylie with nothing. I couldn't bear to watch it. And I knew neither David nor Francine could afford a child.
    But I did. I had so much money I didn't know what to do with it. And I needed to do something good. And I knew all too well how to be a mother. I decided the night before I left to speak with David about adoption.
    "It's for her own good, David. She needs somebody in her life who can support her, and give her everything she needs, even love. I can love her as much as I can shower her with everything," I promised as he paced the den that was nearly empty.
    He nodded. "If you take her, Felicity, then you have to let me come visit there often. I love my daughter with every ounce of my being. And I didn't realise how much I still loved her mother. Now Kylie is all I have left of Kim."
    "I'm not proposing that I take her from you, David. It will just make it all legal. You are allowed to visit. Francine is welcome, too." My heart skipped a beat at the thought of Francine being there a lot. "Look, David, it's the only way that I can somehow make everyone feel slightly better. Let me do this. Let me give Kylie everything she's never had."
    So it was set. David would visit as often as possible, and Kylie would get the chance of a lifetime. But it would never be worth the death of her mother. I knew that. I didn't want to replace Kimberly in her eyes. I just wanted to ease her pain.

When I arrived back, I came face-to-face with Cry. I quickly had Kingsman take Kylie to her room, and then I turned to her with eyes made of daggers. Cry flinched, but that was what I wanted. I wanted her to see the anger I had for her. I had come to truly care for her, and she had done this.
    She tried to apologise, but I couldn't accept any apologies. One of her only friends had just died, and she had skipped out on the funeral to mess around with her own half-brother. She was selfish, and I hated her for it. While Kylie, David and Francine were all hurting, Cry was ignoring it all, and having a good old time of it.
    "I'm so sorry I didn't go now," she whispered, looking at me with big, puppy dog eyes, as if it would really help.
    I glared at her. "Sorry?" I laughed at her. "You're not sorry. You've been here playing hanky-panky with my brother, living it up." I smiled at her reaction of shock. "You think I am blind, sister dear. However, I am far from it. You two can stop trying to hide the obvious. I won't stop it. It's not my place to judge, it's God's."
    I left her standing there, turning my attention to Kylie. I gave up on Cry. She would never change her selfish ways. I was sure she didn't know anything about sacrificing for somebody else. And damn her for that. But I would stop trying to save her now. It was much too late for her.
    I couldn't help wondering why my entire family seemed to be made of people who only thought of themselves. Eddie was only thinking with his hormones, not caring about anything else. Father had been worried about my view of Mother to ever tell me the truth, and Mother had left her own children just because of some man. Kassy was selfish, too, in her own way. I gave her constant love over the years. She had never truly returned it.
    I gave up on all of them. There was no family here as far as I was concerned. We were never a family, and never would be. But I vowed to do my damned best for the little girl in the room upstairs. I would make her a damn good family, no matter the consequences to me.

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