"TEARS OF DECEIT" by Sarah Ryniker

STORY LAST UPDATED ON 09/04/2003

Tears of Deceit Prologue Chapter One Chapter Two Chapter Three Chapter Four Chapter Five Chapter Six Chapter Seven Chapter Eight Chapter Nine Chapter Ten Chapter Eleven Chapter Twelve Chapter Thirteen Chapter Fourteen Epilogue

CHAPTER FOURTEEN: THE BABY

I should have been paying more attention to Cry. Maybe I should have prevented them from being anywhere near each other. But I didn't. And soon I would be regretting my lack of action.
    But I was so wrapped up with David and Francine's visits. And then Francine and David moved in with us. Oddly, Cry didn't even seem to notice that Francine was here, too. If her name were mentioned, Cry would simply say, "Oh, I should call her, and see how she is doing."
    Cry knew that David was there, though. She couldn't stand it. It was obvious that she still wanted him. But she could no longer have him. David could hardly stand the sight of her in a room. He would often complain of how she would smile at him, obviously trying to entice him. It made me angry in more ways than one. Obviously, Cry didn't seem to understand that not every man wanted her. She also didn't seem to understand that everything between her and David was over. And she would break my brother's heart into a million pieces if she started back with David, if given the chance.
    I had thought before that I could really have something with Francine, but as I watched, she seemed only interested in what Cry was doing. I wasn't oblivious to the fact that she still was head over heels for Cry. But I couldn't understand why she had played with my heart. I quickly dropped any notion of trying to be with her, and only a month and a half after she moved in, she moved out.
    David noticed how depressed I was becoming quickly, and decided that he needed to have a talk with me. I looked up as he entered the giant library in which I was starting to hide myself every day.
    "Felicity, I know how you felt about Francine, but she's not worth this depression. Kylie and I still care about you and want, more than anything, for you to be happy and in control again," he pleaded.
    I smiled. "You actually like my control issues?"
    He laughed. "I didn't say I like your control issues, but it would show some sign that you were coming back to the land of the living." His smile was soft, seemingly pleased that I had at least been humoured by something.
    I sighed. "I'm sorry I haven't been myself lately, David. It's not all about Francine, either. I didn't get that attached. Cry has me worried, yet again. It's been only a year and a half, and she's made me worry more in my life than Kassy ever did."
    "Once, I believe Cry was a good person," he said, sitting down in a chair across from me. "I once even thought that I could love her. But nobody can love Cry because nobody gets her love fully back. And I realised that Kim meant more to me than I could ever have imagined."
    "If you were so in love with Kim, then why weren't the two of you together? Why doesn't Kylie know that you're her father?" I asked.
    He shook his head. "Kimberly and I both came from good families. When she got pregnant, her family disowned her. Kim panicked, and refused to be with me any longer. She insisted that we should be just friends, and that our child never know the truth because she feared my family disowning me, as well."
    He smiled. "I never told Kim that I had told my parents about it. They did disown me, and from then on I was as much on my own as Kimberly. But she had it in her head that us being together would be some horrible thing. I really think she kept pushing me off because she had cancer, and didn't want me to get too close."
    "That's so sad, David. I am so sorry that it happened for you that way," I whispered, my hand at my throat.
    "Maybe it's a good thing we never let it go too far. Maybe she did do me a favour by not letting me get that close," he said, his eyes on mine.
    "How can that be a good thing?" I asked, shaking my head. "I mean, wouldn't you have wanted that little bit of time with her?"
    He shook his head. "No, because however could I get over it, and go on again?" He reached out and touched my cheek gently, and a familiar fire started in the pit of my stomach. "How could I have allowed myself to get so close to you?"
    I swallowed hard. "David, I don't think that it would be good for Kylie if we-"
    "I'm not suggesting we do anything, Felicity," he said, cutting me off. "I just needed to get it out of me. I just… I don't know." He looked away, snatching his hand away as if he'd touched fire. "I'm sorry," he said, and then quickly rose to leave.
    I stood up, too, and grabbed his arm. "I'm just a little scared at the idea, David. I haven't exactly had any luck in my love life, and I'm not sure I have much left in me."
    "I've never felt like this towards anyone," he said, shaking his head. "Not even Kim. Maybe it's because of how strong you are, and how you can keep on giving, no matter what. You have the most beautiful heart I've ever been allowed to see." I held back tears. Finally, someone was noticing the sacrifices I made to take care of my family. "Just let me love you for the two of us," he begged.
    And I agreed. David wanted to marry me, and it was something that would be good for Kylie. But I made him promise to tell her that he was her father before we got married. I wanted her opinion on the whole thing, as well.

It was only two weeks later, in late August, that I began to notice Cry's strange behaviour. She suddenly had no interest in David or Eddie. She was often running to the restroom. And she was eating constantly. At first, I feared that she had an eating disorder on top of her other problems, but as it progressed and I noticed her slight weight gain, I knew what was going on.
    I confronted her two months later about it. I was nervous about it. I didn't want it to be true. Cry couldn't handle a child. She could hardly take care of herself. And if what I assumed to be true was true, then I was going to forbid Eddie to ever be around her again, no matter what it took.
    When I first approached her about it, all I got was a "why does it worry you? I'm perfectly fine. I've just been a little depressed lately."
    "Hmm." I shook my head. "No, I think it's more than that. Cry, when was the last time you had your period?"
    Such a simple question. Such a frightening reaction. Her eyes got wide, and she began to visibly tremble. She shook her head so vigorously back and forth I was positive that it would snap off and going flying across the room at any moment. "No! You're not suggesting that! Don't ever suggest that!" she screamed, and ran from me. I was too stunned to go after her at first. I couldn't imagine why she'd had such a horrible reaction. I could understand denial, but this was way past the normal.
    Then, I was thrown back into what I did to myself. And fear threw me into reality. I rushed up the stairs, scared that she would hurt herself. I pounded on the door a good ten minutes before she opened the door.
    She looked perfectly fine, but her eyes had a strange, confused look in them. I couldn't see the Cry I'd known anymore. What had me chilled was it was the same look Kassy always seemed to have. I knew then that Cry had become Kassy. She was a child again, needing me to take care of her.
    From then on I never got a response out of Cry. She always was a little girl. I had to repeat myself over and over, trying to get her to understand she was having a baby. It was the same way it had been with Kassy. She just couldn't seem to understand what was going on.
    I didn't want Eddie anywhere near me or Cry. Just the sight of him made me sick. He should have known better. I had told him, and he hadn't listened. And now there was to be a child born out of lust and complete sin. This child wasn't going to have a mother who loved it the way it should be.
    Or was it? David came to me one night with a suggestion in mind. "Why don't you have the baby, Felicity?"
    At first, I looked at him as if he was nuts. And then it clicked. "But what about Cry? What if she comes to terms about what's going on and wants to keep the child?"
    "I can assure you that she won't," he said, his voice almost sad about it.
    "Well, then we best speed up this wedding," I declared, and he nodded in agreement.

Cry was four months pregnant when we had our small wedding. Only a few people who I had actually liked had been invited. All of them came, fortunately. Or my wedding would have been embarrassingly tiny.
    I knew Cry had no memory of that day. She seemed lost and distracted. It was as if a fight was going on inside of her, as if she was trying to find herself again. It just wasn't working. It seemed she would never be the same person she had been.
    Then Cry had the baby. The months had slipped by, and it was May. It was difficult to keep her quiet during the labour and delivery. Somehow, we managed. She cried and cried, and it was difficult to even get her to push. But when she did, out came my niece.
    I immediately checked her. I made sure every body part was placed correctly, and that she had five fingers on each hand and five toes on each foot. She was perfect. She was absolutely beautiful. I cried as I held her to me, sadness overwhelming.
    I walked over to Cry, caring the tiny baby tightly. I so wanted her to love her baby and be the one to raise it. "Do you want to see the baby, Cry?"
    "No, you take your baby somewhere else, Felicity. I'll look at it later," she muttered, her eyes half-closed.
    Tears burned just under my eyelids as I did as she bid. How could she think this child was mine? How could she have no attachment to her whatsoever?
    I ended up naming her Tawny after my father's mother. The beautiful little girl was sweet and innocent, and I tried my hardest every day to get Cry to love her.
    I didn't want to lie to anyone, at first. I tried so hard to get Cry to take care of the child. And what a beautiful baby she was. I ended up caring for her and, later, telling people that I was the mother. Seeing that I had been as locked into the house as Cry had been during pregnancy, nobody had any reason not to believe me.
    Of course, Tawny was a year old before I gave up on Cry taking care of her. She seemed just so disinterested. She smiled at her, but she had no attachment whatsoever. She didn't even remember giving birth to her. She just remembered being "sick" and at the hospital.
    It made me so miserable to see that distant look in Cry's eyes when she looked at Tawny. I wanted her, so much, to love that baby. Why? I honestly couldn't say. I hardly could handle Cry. But I wanted her to grow up, even the little bit she'd been, again. I didn't want to take care of three children, even if Kylie had a father, and was extremely older for her age. In actuality, Kylie took care of Cry more than I did. She seemed to be able to handle her better than I could.
    All I know is that we were suddenly a family. All of us. Tawny, Cry, Kylie, David, Eddie and me. A strange family. But a family all the same. And I didn't know how to deal with that fact. Cry had come into my world, and turned it upside down. We were once somewhat normal. I had a father, a brother, a sister. I even had a mother, who had died of cancer. And that was how I would forever want to remember my family as.

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