Squirrelbait meets up with a friend on the street, and the friend can tell Squirrelbait is really pissed. He asks him what the matter is. Squirrelbait replies,
"The people at Victoria's Secret are SO rude. There I am in their store and I'm trying to buy some panties for my lady, and I'm picking some out... and the manager asks me to leave!! All I was trying to do was decide which ones I liked. So - I took the panties out of my mouth and took my business elsewhere."

Squirrelbait was in a bar looking very dejected. His friend, Steve, walked over and asked,
"What's wrong?"
"It's my mother-in-law," Squirrelbait replied, while shaking his head sadly. "I have a real problem with her."
"Cheer up," Steve said. "Everyone has problems with their mother-in-law."
"Yeah," Squirrelbait answered. "But not everybody gets their's pregnant."

A Squirrelbait is dropping off a girl at the end of their first date. As he's kissing her goodnight, he pulls down his zipper, takes out his cock, and puts it in her hand. She says,
"I've got two words for you! Drop dead!"
She jumps out, slams the car door, runs up the walk, storms in the house, and slams the front door. Then, there's a knock on the door. She answers it, and Squirrelbait is standing there with tears in his eyes. He says,
"And I've got two words for you...let go!"

A sex therapist was doing research at the local college, and Squirrel Bait volunteered for the study. During the first session, Squirrel told him,
"When I get it in part way, my vision blurs. And when I get it all the way in, I can't see a thing."
"Hmmm...that's an interesting optical illusion as an reaction to sex," said the researcher. "Would you mind if I had a look at it?"
So Squirrel stuck out his tongue.

I know a few guys who always get together on Fridays after work. One Friday, SquirrelBait showed up particularly late, sat down at the bar, and kicked back his entire first beer in one gulp. Then he turned and said,
"Times they are getting tough. I mean, just today, my wife told me that she's going to cut me back to only two times a week! I can't believe it."
At which point Ken put his hand on Squirrel Baits's shoulder and said reassuringly,
"You think you've got it bad? Man, there's some guys that she's cut out all together."

Squirrelbait is driving down the street in his Caddie. He stops at a stop light when a sexy blonde prostitute approaches the car.
She says," Hey there, I can give you the best sex of your life."
So Squirrelbait gladly accepts and takes the hooker to a hotel.
They go into the hotel room, he tells the hooker to "prepare" while he goes in the bathroom to get ready himself. When he comes out he has earplugs in his ears, a nose plug in his nose, and a condom on his dick.
The hooker asks,"What is all that for?"
He said,"Two things I really can't stand in this world. The first is the sound of a women screaming, and the second is the smell of burning rubber."

MEN'S CHAIN LETTER FROM SQUIRRELBAIT:

This letter was started by men, like yourself, in hopes of bringing relief to other tired and discontented men. Unlike most chain letters this one does not cost anything. Just send a copy of this letter to five friends who are equally discontented and tired. Then bundle up your Wife, Girlfriend, or Significant Other and send her to the man whose name appears at the top of the list. When your name comes to the top of the list you will receive 16,277 women! And one of them is bound to be a helluva lot better than the one you already have. Bear in mind, though, that someone has sent her to you, and be careful.
Don't break the Chain!!! Have Faith!!!
One man broke the chain and got his own bitch back (with her mother).
At this writing, a friend of mine has already received 184 women. The strain killed him. They buried him yesterday. It took three morticians to get the smile off his face and two days to tie down his cock so they could close the coffin!

Once, in his younger days, Squirrelbait was traveling across the country when his car broke down. He walked to a nearby farmhouse to ask for shelter for the night and was informed by the old couple that if he wanted a bed he would have to sleep with the baby. Anticipating wet sheets and similar inconveniences, he instead begged them for permission to spend the night in the hayloft. Morning came, and he was just opening his eyes when the barn door opened and a beautiful young woman showed herself. Squirrelbait had never in his life seen anything so beautiful!
"Who are you?" he asked.
"I'm the baby," she replied. "Who are you?"
"Oh, I'm the jackass who spent the night in the barn."