| Eddie Pepitone |
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| CORY KAHANEY DAT PHAN GEOFF BROWN ROB CANTRELL SEAN KENT DAVE MORDAL RALPHIE MAY RICH VOS TERE JOYCE TESS DRAKE |
| THE SEARCH FOR THE FUNNIEST PERSON IN AMERICA |
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| Auditions You know, there's no more great people left in this country anymore. Everybody is just mediocore, ya know. And, uh... for instance I'm from Statin Island. And if they wrote, ya know, they wrote folk songs about Paul Bunyan and George Washington. If they wrote a folk song... song about me, would be like, *starts snapping*. Eddie Pepitone. Eddie Pepitone. He just borrowed another 5 grand. Eddie Pepitone. Eddie Pepitone. His sister doesn't talk to him. Eddie Pepitone. Eddie Pepitone. He's on psychotropic cocktail of prozac and klonopin. He's... he's afraid of getting in subways and elevators. Did I mention I just borrowed 5 grand... by the way. I'll yell you, thank you. Please! Save your applause until I'm in the house. Semi-Finals Yes! I know what your thinking! This guy watches a lot of pornography. I've been watching pornography for 25 yearsand I realize I've been watching the same 11 people have sex in Van Nuys, California. You ever see that? It's like, not you again! You know, but if i saw these people on the street I would be like, Hey! Hey Ron! It's me Ed Pepitone! I've been watching ya for 25 years... by the way, you might wanna get that thing looked at on your ass cheek. It's a little red thing but it's gottin' bigger. |