| Auditions Thank you. Thank you. Great crowd, good times, here we go. To relax, I've been doing California. I love California. I've been doing a lot of surfing. Surfing’s a dangerous sport. It’s the only sport that involves a shark. An animal might come out and eat you during the game. No other sport has that. That’s a different type of fear. That’s like during the football season, every three or four games, a gorilla comes out of nowhere and just starts beatin’ the hell out of one of the players. Garcia drops back. And here comes the gorilla. He’s beatin’ the hell out of Garcia. Look at that. He just ripped hid arm out, and shoved it up his ass. Feel the power. Semi-Finals Alright, here’s some jokes. Man, I’m broke. I’m so broke, I’m writing my postcards on the back of stamps. I can’t even afford a lottery ticket. I just look at my bus transfer and say, “Damn.” Some people have an inner child that speaks to them. I have an inner old man that just yells random crap at me all day. B-14. Bingo. Take your pants off. Do you know what time Columbo’s on? The two-part one with Johnny Cash is on. Tape it, it’s great. Finals: Top 10 Head to Head vs. Ralphie May All right! Perfect. Fun, fun, fun. Uh…my name is Rob. It derives from Robert. When your name is Robert, you have five options. You could be called Rob, Bob, Robby, Bobby, or Robert. But since I'm a stand up comic, my name needs to be edgy and memorable, like Sinbad. I want to be the comic that’s not afraid to lick the envelope. I want to be the comic that will walk into the abyss of the unknown, discover my own universe, where I can make my own creatures, and I would make‘em part frog and part monkey. And I’ll call’em fronkeys. And then I would sing and dance with my fronkeys from here to eternity. So I'm asking you, NBC, are you ready to hear my new comedy name? (audience) “Yeah!” This has never been done before. I've never done this before, and this has never been tried with my name. Here we go…Bobert. Bobert. Can I get a little Bobert chant. (audience) “Bobert! Bobert! Bobert! Bobert! Bobert!” Okay, forget that name. I’ll never get laid with that name. Nobody wants to screw a Bobert. So…uh…forget Bobert. I'm and artist, okay? I'm not a normal comic. I'm an artist. I'm the artist formerly known as Bobert. My symbol is a semicolon. It’s kinda like a colon. But only semi. You know, the colon gives you that look at the end of a sentence like…hey, man, get outta here. I'm the colon. Stop! I'm different. I got a comma. Come on, nobody knows what the hell I do. Write for days. I'm a semicolon. You can write three paragraphs, and nobody can tell you it’s wrong. Because nobody knows what it does. Kinda like my comedy act. All right. Cool, you guys are diggin’ it. Nice, L.A.’s fun. I'm having a blast here. I have a lot of friends here. They’re like, “Rob, let’s go out, let’s go nuts, let’s go to strip bars, let’s go to the strip bars.” I never feel satisfied or content when I leave one of those places. I always walk out mad or confused. To me, strip bars are kinda like feeding a hungry man plastic fruit. Aw, you haven’t eatin’ in days, have you? Let me rub this plastic pear in your face. Ooh, that feels good, doesn’t it? Now give me a dollar. I got a baby to feed. Oh, it ended sad. Thank you very much, Last Comic Standing. |
| CORY KAHANEY DAT PHAN GEOFF BROWN ROB CANTRELL SEAN KENT DAVE MORDAL RALPHIE MAY RICH VOS TERE JOYCE TESS DRAKE |
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| Rob Cantrell |
| THE SEARCH FOR THE FUNNIEST PERSON IN AMERICA |
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