Apparantly oasis like to eat beans on toast before each gig. The downside of this is that Noel can't hold his beans. Now, as you can image the rest of the band isn't too happy witth this, because before every gig Noel stinks up all the bathrooms backstage. Liam finally decided that he'd had enough & he got into a huge arguement with Noel.
*Warning: this wr spin-off has bathroom humor. If you hate bathroom humor just don't read it*
(backstage)
LIAM: How do you feel about the fact that already, you've stunk up every bathroom back here?
NOEL: I'm into it, me. But at the end of the day I go home & I get a clip from Meg. And I do. She clips me round the head & goes, "Why do you eat so many beans, you little stinker?"
LIAM: Did you get a clip after last night's show?
NOEL: Oh yeah, I get it all the time. She looks at me & goes, "You better not even think of stinking up our bathroom you daft bastard." Know what I mean?
LIAM: It's a reputation, right, that I...
NOEL: I like the way it's bubbling up. I want to eat a lot of beans & then go relieve myself.
LIAM: Woah. Hang on a minute. That's not what you're on about.
NOEL: I am.
LIAM: You're on about a reputation, about stinking up the bathrooms so bad that we can't even use them. Going into the bathrooms & stinking them up is summat that I wouldn't be proud about.
NOEL: Well I am, la.
LIAM: Shut up, man! You think it's good to eat beans & then go off & stink up the bathrooms. Do you know what I say? I say, "Nah. Eating beans is okay to do before a gig, but not coming back from the bathroom & saying you blew 'em away." That's disgusting & I won't stand for it.
NOEL: I'm not up for being seen as disgusting, I'm just up for being seen as me. And what happened in that bathroom, right, is I ate a lot of beans & then relieved myself, right, 'cos I like doing that. I love it. I'm into it.
LIAM: But you shouldn't go stink up bathrooms...
NOEL: Why shouldn't I? Well freakin' where the f**k should I go? I went right in there (points to bathroom), & I dealt with it.
LIAM: Eeyare! Wooah!
NOEL: Shut the f**k up. I'm sick of you ranting on about sh*t to me.
LIAM: You think it's great to stink up bathrooms & it's not.
NOEL: I don't think it's great.
LIAM: That was your quote. It's great. It's great.
NOEL: I was laughing about it. And as far as I'm concerned, I'm into it. Now I'm out of that bathroom, & I'm out of that pissbucket, I laugh about it & I think, yeah, f***in' good, man. It happened. That's reality, mate.
LIAM: What are you about?
NOEL: I'm about being...I'm about going down the f***in'...I'm about...(passes gas). That's what I'm about.
LIAM: Right. That's what you're about. You're not thinking about the rest of the band.
NOEL: I'm thinking about the rest of the band.
LIAM: No you're not. You're thinking about you. The rest of the band has to use these bathrooms too. Now, you say that you can hold 70 per cent of the beans you eat, right. Well, maybe you are holding that 70 per cent; but the other 30 per cent, you always go into the bathrooms & f***in' blow it.
NOEL: Sit down, man. Sit down. You're getting into a state.
LIAM: You're just not gonna be able to eat beans anymore.
NOEL: Are you?
LIAM: Yeah, I am.
NOEL: You might be in your little world, but as far as I'm concerned, if you say that I can't eat beans, then I say you can't eat 'em either, man.
LIAM: Yeah, but you don't hold your beans.
NOEL: You don't hold your beans.
LIAM: I do hold my beans.
NOEL: I can hold my beans. I'm holding them right now. But I'm not into it. I'm into taking a f***in' sh*t. (referring to Liam) He's teetotal. He's a priest. He was born to be a priest.
LIAM: No, the difference is, I don't get caught.
NOEL: So, what you're trying to say, right, what you're trying to say, you're trying to say, right, that I'm out in a pub, yeah, I have a few cans of beans, yeah, the need to go to the bathroom arises, & I'm supposed to ignore it?
LIAM: What pub, where?
NOEL: Anywhere! These bathrooms are the same thing.
LIAM: It isn't! 'cos you share these bathrooms with oasis! You share 'em with the rest of the band.
NOEL: Nah, nah nah. There's no rules. Show me the rule book. 'Cos if you've got a rule book, what you're saying is complete & utter Blooarskybluh!
LIAM: Well what are you trying to say then? You want to be a slob & go around stinking up all the bathrooms?
NOEL: People are sat in England, right now, in bathrooms across this country, whether it be Glasgow, Manchester, Birmingham, London, Leeds, Liverpool, Sheffield...in bathrooms like this. And they're letting their beans out. This is part of life.
LIAM: How often are you gonna stink up the bathrooms like this?
NOEL: Before every gig...hourly... Do you have any recurring dreams?
LIAM: Yeah. Just the one.
NOEL: What?
LIAM: (Menacingly)You become allergic to beans.
eeeew! Noel needs to learn some manners! just kiddin'
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