Altar of the Church of Areaology
to the Altar of the CoA where we practice the religion of Bowieism, of
the Church of Areaology, where we pay homage to the Sacred Area.
1. We worship the supreme being David Bowie and his mighty Area. For
the uninitiated, that is his crotch/sausage/bulge/area/etc.
2. We (as in Areaologists) admire the man and the music but we also
admire the Almighty Area. This does NOT make us "less worthy" fans than
those who appreciate only his music. If you care to argue this point we
will launch Bowie's Bitches on your ass.
3. A sin against Bowie or any fellow Areaologist will result in you
being excommunicated from the church as well as bowie_barea
(our exclusive members-only forum)on Livejournal. No more "pervy
goodness" or "special alone time" for you. For a list of sins be sure
to visit the altar....these are not exclusive to this list.
Patron Saint of the C.o.A.
The patron saint of the CoA is Ziggy Stardust because, as we all know,
Ziggy was the herald of all that is Area.
picture is a rare representation of the power of The Burning Area, a
force known to bring men to their knees, which is not to be confused
with the Burning Bush. Biiiiiggggg Difference.
Ziggy brought us such inspirational hymns such as "Sweet Head", "Hang
onto Yourself", and "Velvet Goldmine".
Symbol of The Sacred Area
The CoA has it's own official hand signal, the secret member sign given
to us by The Bowie himself. The hand signal is a symbol of the Sacred
Area and the power that emminates from below The Bowie's belt.
The sign originated from the song "Cactus" that David performed during
the "Looking for Jackelopes" tour. During the performance when the
backup singers spell David's name during the song he spelled the
letters over the mighty Area in order to project
the power over the crowd. (I have this video clip as well if proof is
The C.o.A. symbol is derived from the letter V
which is an obvious reference, for any true Areaologist, to the
The V shape refers to the mighty pointy-ness
itself! And therefor, the Power of the Area is present in David's
name.........D A V I D! It is also found in his initials..."db"...Lance-a-lot
is evident everywhere, thus reaffirming our great faith!
Area power mesmerizes women from all over the world, as well as many
men who suddenly find themselves doubting their heterosexuality upon
feeling it's power. Area power is not to be underestimated in it's
strength and awesomeness.
are to greet each other with the symbol of the Sacred Area upon meeting
one another. But use the sacred symbol with caution! Outsiders and the
uninitiated will be confused and dumbstruck by the power and improper
use of the symbol could cause great destruction!
your deep, dark, naughty sins and lusts for The Area to Father
David...and if the confessional is rocking, don't come knocking!
by LJ's thedarkevilone.
would consist of:
1. Partaking of the Loins of a Mere Mortal (5 Hail Bowies)
2. Partaking of the Loins of a Mere Mortal but yelling "ohhhh Davviiid"
by accident (3 Hail Bowies)
3. Partaking of the Loins of a Mere Mortal but secretly picturing The
Bowie (4 Hail Bowies)
***Seriously, we would suggest only dating guys
named David, it reduces a LOT of awkward moments, A LOT!***
4. Thinking of the Loins of another Rock Star *GASP* (20 Hail Bowies)
5.Thinking of the Loins of other famous people in general (10 Hail
6.Thinking of the Loins of "Bono" *shudder* (500 Hail Bowies)
You get the general idea, basically any disloyalty to the Bouncing
British Bulge, you have Atonement to do!
Welcome to the Altar of CoA...may The Sacred Area bless you, and should
you sin just say 5 Hail Bowies and all is forgiven.
C.o.A. Prayer of Atonement a.k.a. "Hail
Bowie, beautiful face,
with bulging crotch and sexual grace.
'The Power' is with thee,
Blessed art thou with area-endowed.
And blessed is the fruit of your loins!
Holy Area, Bowie is my God, pray for us worshippers now,
and in the hours of our 'special alone time'!
Contact The Church
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