Visit the past archives of my assorted ramblings
Super Vent Part I ...
Read Issue 64:The father and the minister, Ministers with pants down and resolutions for the new year
Much needed Peace And Quiet
Good things are going to happen here next year ...
Links, links and links ...

12 December: Celebration of 40 years of Bullshit!
17 December: The Lord Of The Rings - Return Of The King
18 December: Laura's Birthday!
24 December: Christmas Eve
25 December: Christmas Day
31 December: New Year's Eve
1 January: New Year's Day

Gene Robinson is allegedly working on a remake of one of LL Cool J's hits - Stand By Your Man

A heartfelt LETTER FROM GOMORRAH
A BEAUTY PAEGENT like no other!
THIS IS A DREAM!
SOCCER MANIA - clash of the titans
DO TE LL ... Questions that beggar an answer!
Keep up to date. Visit the INFORMATION DESK
EULOGIES should be more along these lines ....
THE GIRLS PLAY BALL
INTELLIGENCE is not as common as you think!
Fun and games at a UNIVERSITY RIOT!
There are SOME DA YS ...
A KUMI KUMI Guide for the novices. A MUST read!
A POEM for someone special!
DEAREST JOHN: John Doe's better half replies with energy to issues raised by her worse half!
DEAREST JANE: A man addresses issues such as crossing rivers for his beloved ...
FAVOURITE MOVIES Some notable personalities share their favourite flicks
PRESS RELEASE FROM THE AFGHANISTANI BROADCASTING CORPORATION The proprietor of Afghanistan's first TV studio shares his visions
DEDICATIONS: Music is the language of the heart -- touching messages to loved and not so loved ones

Bush. CIA. Osama. Bomb. Al Qaeda. Saddam Hussein. Chemical Ali. Bowling Ali. Dimly Lit Ali. Dead End Ali.

I can be found 24-7 at

ARSENAL BABY!
GUNNERS FOR LIFE!

I'd just like to remind y'all to be jolly careful when you come to my room. Updates are done quite sporadically. Sometimes they are after a day and at other times after two weeks or even months! For example, Issue 64 saw the light of day just the other day!

Due to some circumstances that have not been explained to our satisfaction, salaries for November are yet to see the light of our bank accounts.

For the lightning minds among us, trust me when I tell you that it is very difficult to spend cash on bills, bath oils, pastry, CDs, novels and the like when there is no cash in the bank.

My lad S was informing me about the operations of the Kenya Commercial Bank ATM. Due to the wonders of technology, ATMs can check your balance in almost no time, and if it establishes that you don't have the cash, the card comes immediately out in a smooth transaction. This, S, assured me, can lead to no small amount of embarrassment, as to the feller behind you knows without a doubt that you don't have a pair of coins to rub together.

At least my Barclays ATM allows me to save face. As soon as the thing has informed me smugly that it cannot offer cash at this time, it allows me to view my balance and print mini statements. Careful juggling of these functions allows me to spend a couple of minutes and leave with the attitude of a man that has just withdrawn a handsome amount of money whereas my pocket is full of mini statements. As for my lad S, he has no such chance, as his card is spat out and has to be collected from the pavement where it has been unceremoniously deposited. The ATM leaves no doubt that it feels its valuable time is being wasted.

However all is not lost as the HM bank is still functional. The HM Bank is better known as the Home Mattress Bank and discovering just how many odd notes and coins I had stuffed there placed a wide smile to my face. This will be a merry Christmas indeed!

In the office the enthusiasm with which old debts are being followed up has to be seen to be believed. The other day an irate lady all but held me in a hammerlock demanding the five shilling change from a transaction long consigned to the sands of time. Shylocks like SG are making a brisk trade lending money at up to 60% interest rates. The spirit of enterprise never wanes.

2 weeks ago my good lads Dennis and Zul, who work for Sybase East Africa were having a showcase for their products and services. (For those of us who are clueless, Sybase is a large software house along the lines of Microsoft.)

The shindig was held at the Grand Regency and let me openly state that a straw poll conducted among the attendees led me to the conclusion that the presence of most was not entirely due to professional interest. Most, it transpired, were drawn to attend my a combination of professional interest and the menu.

But I digress. The showcase went well and the lads did their best to convince me that their products where better than the half baked efforts of their competitors. Stinging statements were made. Features were showcased and products were boosted to the skies.

At the end of it all, and after having a zillion business cards shoved in my reluctant hand we left the Grand Regency and immediately outside found ourselves in the middle of no small amount of hubbub. For those of us who don't know Grand Regency, it is a 5 star hotel that adjoins Barclays Plaza. Barclays Plaza hosts a bank, some embassies and a few dozen odd businesses.

The police and military presence was overwhelming. The place was crawling with cops, some of whom were literally crawling. I asked a passing army man with a jaw built along the lines of a bulldozer what was going on. The chap wiped a bead of seat from his protruding forehead, hitched his rifle higher and informed me that a bomb threat had been phoned in. Someone claimed that there was a bomb in Barclays Plaza .

I then asked him if the people milling across the road had been informed and the answer he gave me left me in no doubt that the stupidity of some Kenyans cannot be compared to anything else on earth. He informed me that as a matter of fact, the bulk of the population of shoving, gossiping Kenyans across the road who were endeavoring to climb the shoulders of their peers to get a better view were indeed tenants of the building.

For the slower types here are the salient thoughts that crossed my mind:

•  A bomb threat has been phoned in
•  A bomb threat means that there may be a bomb in the building
•  Bombs have a nasty habit of blowing themselves to pieces and taking everything around it down with the ship
• The cretins in that building depart, cross the road and mill around waiting for the bomb to go off so that they can return to work
•  If the bomb indeed were to go off everything in the immediate vicinity will never be the same again

I looked again in amazement at the mentally challenged Kenyans and very firmly urged my colleagues to begone swiftly. With the speed of MPs increasing their own salaries, we smartly crossed Town to Kencom rather than await the office car and in the process find out whether the bomb was there or not.

The fact that it turned out to be a hoax is irrelevant. It is sheer folly to stick around when warned that there may indeed be a bomb!

- Who the hell is DJ Banti
- Who cares who the hell DJ Banti is?
- Does DJ Banti recall me asking him where hhis candy arse is going to be over Thanksgiving or Easter or Christmas or Rectum Cancer Week?
- Can he and his merry men stop clutttering my mailbox with earth shaking announcements I don't give a frog's fat arse about?
- I for one don't entertain spam -- regardless of source!

Minister, Assistant Minister and MP caught with pants down on Koinange Street
Those damn fools .. er .. participants .. that took part in Big Brother Africa are torturing us all by appearing on TV and in papers all over the place!
Santa Claus can be found all over town and apparently in many instances he prefers slippers and Bata Bullets
Kenya has just celebrated 40 years of crass ineptitude masquerading as governance! Hurray!

If you want to drink and drive, do us and yourself a favour and just shoot yourself. Someone else could use the car!