Regular reviewers will notice that I have made a change in the page's format. We are hoping this will make it easier to place on the page, but more importantly, I am hoping it will eliminate unnecessary errors. The reviews below look exactly the way they look when they come to my desk; I have eliminated the email address of each reviewer.
Cassie Hanaway
Critique Page Editor
Reviews For Feb. 4- Feb. 11
CRITIQUE OF THE WEEK
name = Gerri Davis
Submission_author = Socks by Ken Bushnell
Points = 4 points
opinion of the submission and author = Ken-So now I know where socks go--or rather where they originate. Imaginative piece, but (and isn't there always a but)--you switched stories on me. You told me where sock is from, and I thank you for that, but you ended up telling me to be kind to my socks, but for reasons not including from whence they came. I wanted to hear more--do socks take notes? Don't they sometimes get attached to the matching sock--or is that just static cling? And, we, not knowing the full story, we pull them apart. Good piece. Clever. Needed to keep on theme. Plan to read more of you.
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name = A. Savidge
Submission_author = Where Have All The Children Gone by Jack Mann
Points = 3 points
opinion of the poem and author = The poem brings up a very important subject and one that we should all be aware of, but I found the only thing really lacking about the prose was the absence of flow when reading it; sort of broken up. But I reitterate when saying that the poem is honest and candid about this issue.
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name = Ken Bushnell
Poem_author = Mary Rose O'Donnell- Chapter 3
by Alice Bateman
Points = 5 points
opinion of the poem and author = This is absolutely incredible. The phraseology is remarkable.
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name = Jenny
Submission_author = The Spark by Janelle Zimmerman
Points = 5 points
opinion of the submission and author = I like this story because I am in my school's band and I know what kind of dedication she is writing about.
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name = Bruce Longman
Story_author = Till Death Do We Part by Geraldine Cook Davis
Points = 4 points
opinion of the story and author = I have noticed that Geraldine likes to tackle the controversial and does in short powerful pieces... this is no execption.. pretty damn good and good for a laugh which is great by me!!
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name = Gerri Davis
Submission_author = Burn Out On the Bubble Wrap Line by Ken Bushnell
Points = 4 points
opinion of the submission and author = Ken-You sure have a good imagination. Story has elements of truth. Would you consider cutting? Read it, if anything seems repetitive, cut. the ending--priceless.
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name = Gerri Davis
Story_author = The Girl In The Rain by Miko
Points = 5 points
opinion of the story and author = Miko--your story offered the reader a chance to take what she would from this piece. The fact that police aren't called, that the child calls the woman her Santa Claus--interesting. Your story carries a tone of poetry. I like how you worded the two of them crying together. You make your reader wonder--a death--how did it happen? Perhaps you show us an America where children cry alone in the rain, isolated by death, and consolation could only come from an image of a gift-giver--Santa, the image who would give a child a hug. Depth here.
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name = Gerri Davis
Submission_author = A Brief Infatuation by Ken Bushnell
Points = 5 points
opinion of the submission and author = Ken- is he going to get the girl? I kind of like that he can fantasize about their relationship. If he meets her, she may have stained teeth, a nasty streak. If you, I'd cut the first paragraph because your flow of the second paragraph is right on. Your words, emotions, message, is there--the second par.: boss. Give me less detail on his work, my new friend, and give me his guts. I like your work. And, he was on the right track--get the name of the book. Still, as I said before, the fantasy can take him wherever he wants to go. --keep writing. And I'd love to know if you revise. Send me an e-mail.
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name- Raye McDonald
Submission/Author=Fast Talkin' Man by Beverly Caine
Points = 3 points
opinion of the poem and author = I really liked your last line. It had a lot of punch. It could have been the title. Maybe this should be printed out and passed out where folks gather to look for love. Might save a lot of needless heartache.
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name = Raye McDonald
Poem_author = The Color Of A Soul by Jason Walsh
Points = 5 points
opinion of the poem and author = I wondered who this was written to when reading it. Obviously, someone superficial who only observed the "package". Something in your poem made my mind think of artist Georgia O'Keefe - not pretty to look at, but boy what she had inside of her that was transferred to canvas was beautiful. And in my mind, that is what mattered most about her.
Keep writing. You know how to dive deep.
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name = Gerri Davis
Story_author = When The World Died by Melissa Thompson
Points = 4 points
opinion of the story and author = Melissa-your first sentence was a grabber; the style of the first part of this piece: excellence. On second part, I get a little confused. I think there was need was new paragraphs. I remember the line-"I was scared about how he made me feel." Yes. Universal. I liked the whole piece. I think you needed some cutting, and realistically, Melissa, if the world was suffering from drought and fire, I don't know that people could turn their backs away. Maybe, but I'm not convinced. BUT--this is an excellent piece. I'm wondering why your protagonist got to be the last on earth--maybe because she will be the one to start life again as she views the growth of green around her??? Well done piece.
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name = Gerri Davis
Story_author = The Short Cut by Bruce Longman
Points = 5 points
opinion of the story and author = Bruce--I wrote out a critique and my finger slipped--don't know if first one was a go or not. The ending--perfect; his only choice. So, your plot is perfect, good characterization of even the nurse---I wasn't sure about the wife at times. Wanted to know her more. Still, you did an excellent job. Content is the name of the game and you hit on a universal concern. I'm a great advocate of an individual deciding if his quality of life if worth living. good job.
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name = Gerri Davis
Submission_author = Barney's Market by Ken Bushnell
Points = 5 points
opinion of the submission and author = Ken--the idea behind this one is excellent. The style quite good--I see improvement from the others I read. Good going. I still think your main concern should be--how much does my reader need to know to get my point. i.e.: cut. What we don't absolutely need to know, delete. sometimes, more is less. Again, excellent.
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name = Jessica Sayer
Submission_author = The Owl and the Mouse meet Smiley by Jack Mann
Points = 4 points
opinion of the poem and author = Another great poem in this little series. Ahh, more lesson for young and old alike to learn. I'll never get sick of reading these 'Mousie'little tales. Keep them coming Mr. Mann, I'm such I'm not the only one reaidng and loving them.
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name = Ken Bushnell
Submission_author = I'd Rather Eat Glass by Megan Estey
Points = 4 points
opinion of the submission and author = Awfully darn good. Gosh I enjoyed it. I had a really good read. It was just like watching a skit on television. Hilarious. I don't know much about skript writing but I thought it would be nice if the elevator / hallway scenes at the end were separated a little more. We were jumping back and fort so quick I kinda got lost a couple of times. Ya got talent kid.
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name = Ken Bushnell
Story_author = Left Behind by Bruce Longman
Points = 5 points
opinion of the story and author = Mr. Longman. You are really a first class talent; creative, imaginative and it looks like practiced. I look forward to each one of your pieces.
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name = Jessica Sayer
Submission_author = The Headless Dog by Tony Adams
Points = 3 points
opinion of the submission and author = Short and disturbing. The thought of a dog running around without its head brings up not the nice of images in a readers head. I know this is suppose to be humour but I just cannot see it here. Never the less, it had good beat and rhyming sequence, so please keep writing. I await, somewhat patiently, to read the next thing from Mr. Adams.
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name = Jessica Sayer
Poem_author = The Color Of A Soul by Jason Walsh
Points = 5 points
opinion of the poem and author = This poem has everything to make it a great poem. Heart, feeling, and everything else. It is a must read, for it will change you in one way or another with its lesson that everyone should hear.
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name = Gerri Davis
Poem/author = The Cellar by R.L. Walker
Points = 5 points
opinion of the poem and author = Loved the poem--love to be scared. You did a good job. I especially liked that it was a prose poem--you taught me something, as I know prose poems call for rhythym, and I'm having a hard time getting my rhythym together. Yours was esp. strong at beg and end. Tone suspenseful. One question: isn't it boogie man? Keep writing!!!!!
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name = Gerri Davis
Poem_author = Leaves by R.L. Walker
Points = 5 points
opinion of the poem and author = Well, you sure do have a flair for prose poetry. This is clever, great content, ending offers enjoyment on a different level. Excellent prose.
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name = Gerri Davis
Poem_author = A Candle In A Dirty Glass
by Alice Bateman
Points = 3 points
opinion of the poem and author = Alice-
Wish I couldn't relate to this poem, but I can. Some good content here--a poem that might serve to enlighten others as to our plight--we have to keep, keeping on
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name = F. Pal
Poem_author = On The Wings Of The Angels
by Alice Bateman
Points = 5 points
opinion of the poem and author = This is a very heart filled gesture. There are no words to state on the loss of a child. In this sence, this poem says it all.
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name = Gerri
Submission_author = Loose Lips by Raye McDonald
Points = 4 points
opinion of the poem and author = Hi--good advice for most of us--nice rhythm--can I (obviously, I can)--suggest that you try going from passive voice (Power is corrupting) to active voice (Power corrupts). Hard to do, but you are ready. Your pieces will be---I just wrote in passive--stronger if written without form of the word be--such as "will be" Keep going--keep the pen and the mind moving. Liked your poem
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