Fellow friends and Mango too, I am just now as of this Friday able to wear socks again from my sixth degree burns on my shins from that Wisconsin sun. But if I had to trade that kind of pain for five days with all of you again, I would say have fun, drive safe. So I was sitting here, well actually I was laying on the floor, thinking back to last weekend and some of the historical events that took place among us. So here are a few notable mentions from my memories...

First time "Tommy" award winners Matt Griffin and myself were the first in the river with the canoe and the first in the river without the canoe this year. Matt suggested getting in right away and then parking it along a couple of rocks to watch all of you fools fall in. Well we waited and everyone made it ok, so we start to go and we were headed for a fallen tree. We panicked and went right under it, we were so excited we made it through to the other side that when we sat back up to quickly and we tipped. The river was angry that day my friends. Oh well, there were more tips to come. I was also the first one to inquire about Christina's friend Amanda, and the first one to find out she is spoken for. Let's face it, the last hot date I had was when I used the hair dryer to inflate my blow up doll. The most action I got on the trip was when LJ told me his 9 inch barbie doll joke. That is now mine and Dublin's favorite joke. I can't explain the joke incase some of you have not heard it, but it is good.

I came up with a new original Metzel joke from this trip, so here it is...
What is the difference between Ken paying waitress Jamie at the Slice for a drink and Ken paddling a canoe? Ken can tip a canoe...I liked it.

This email will be jumping all over different subjects so please just deal with it.
Next up...are breasts I saw on the trip:
Kimmie 2,
Laura 1,
Kathleen 1,
Jolan 2,
Sarah 2,
Kelly 2,
Gumby 0.
The number is not a rating but whether I saw one breast or two. Thanks for nothing Ryan. You owe me.

Next June I will be going to a little store called everything's a dollar and will be buying about ten pairs of sun glasses. Before I get into the canoe I am going to toss these sunglasses into the river like coins into a fountain. You see I will feed the river before I enter so I may wear my nice sunglasses on the trip. The river will not be hungry so my good glasses and all of yours should survive our journey.

I learned that Gary is a good guy and a man of many voices and movie quotes as well as a creative writer. He is a poet and he don't even realize it.

Here are a few more things I have learned from this trip....
I hate pink dolphins....
if you shower with your shoes on there is less of a chance you'll catch the syphilis.....
Tommy has large nipples.....
Garth has a 26 inch waist......
Gumby has a 46 inch waist......
Mango is a waste.....
Bob scares me.....
Adam stinks after 6 days without even a PTA bath.....
my mother knows how to feed fish.....
Garth can catch a grape with his mouth from 45 feet away.....
I can throw a grape 45 feet.....
Katy and Shane travel 4 hours and stay just 3.....
Them bats is smart, they use radar....
Ken can't play Lacrosse.....
The human head weighs 6 pounds....
Gumby's is 11 pounds.....
Eric sucks at magic tricks that deal with fire.....
Kimmy is the sister of Sean Penn.....
Mitten still loves me for reasons unknown.....
LJ has been working out....
LJ has a nice ass....
I love little girls....
Mango is gay.....
Mr Marak called me an asshole....
Mrs Marak calls me the hockey guy....
Some girl gave me and Ken wood for 21 dollars....
once had my nuts examined on the pace bus.....
Chicken tastes better when it's not raining.....
I like to say the word "cumberbun".....
Nick Barts wins the biggest mooch award.....
Ryan and whats his name have a fucked up tent....
Marshmallows hurt when thrown at high speeds....
Adam can't catch a marshmallow.....
Sleeping bags are small.....
Gumby is not.....
Darcy is small.....
4 feet 11 and a half.....
LJ is small....
3 inches and a half.....
if Kelly is white....
than Jolan is black.....
Pete's girlfriend is hot.....
full beer cans float.....
my t-shirt does not float....
my sunglasses do not float....
a gay horse eats, haaaaay....
lesbains don't find that funny.....
Chickens have lips....
oar sounds like whore....
LJ is good in the sack....
Mango is good right out of the can.....
I guess that last one has two meanings.....
the sun rises at 5:30.....
I am only 28 but I am reading at a 31 year old level.....
I know the hymlic maneuver.....
spell check is going to go nuts on that last one.....
my witty mind is slowing way down now....
I am running low on ideas.....
who am I forgetting.....
Darcy can pee with one leg in the canoe....
I saved Christina and her partner's lives....3 times.....
the Wolf river is 65 percent water, 25 percent mixed urine, and 10 percent sun glasses.....
Kimmy's urine is warm.....
Mango is still gay.....
We missed Todd's inputs.....
That too has two meanings I guess.....
Gumby is a third input kind of guy....
I need one good one to end this on because I am tired of this....got it......I can go 5 days without masturbating......Wow five days...

Mark Metzel "the great outdoorsman and self-proclaimed comedic genius"