Gather up the kiddies it's time again for another episode of "Metzelov Fable's". How is everyone's hot cocoa? Is it yummy? No. It's the new caterer, I got them from the internet and I don't think it's going to work out. Anyway so I was questioned again in regard to my Halloween story and it's whereabouts, well I have a slight change to accommodate are newest doctrine Kimmie who asked about the story. I have no idea what I am about to write but let's see what happens.

It was a cool crisp October evening in the year 1994, and the Tri Sigma's were gathered around house with a little dilemma. It all started the night before when the house mother was away at her parents and one of the young blondes, Ryan Bolwell, snuck her sunburnt football looking boyfriend into the house for a sleep over. You see the girls are not allowed to have boys, or in LJ's case "men," (your welcome LJ) in the sorority house, these are the house rules. Well, during Ryan's little friends stay he had been slipped a "roofy" by Ryan and became unstable, smashing into her bedroom wall. There was a crash that came from the adjoining room, the house mother's!! Ryan new she was away and ran to look what had happened. She opened the door flipped on the light and saw that the house mother's gun rack of vibrators had fallen off the wall breaking one of her favorites, the magic wand. It was a mess, not to mention all the batteries that were thrown all over the room. It was terrible. Ryan knew she would have to replace it before the house mother got back otherwise she would be most definitely caught for having her boy over. So she ran down to Kimmie's room and told her what had happened. Kimmie was a third year senior at the time and was concerned about her friend. Ryan thought she would help think of a way to replace the house mothers treasured toy. Ryan first asked Kimmie if she could have her magic wand to replace the broken one, but after comparing it, she could see that Kimmies had much more wear and tear from the extended use and the house mother would certainly tell it wasn't the same one, so they had to come up with some money to buy a new one. But the sorority girls were broke and spent most of there money on cigarettes.

So they had a little house meeting. Courtney, Erin, Katie (not Katy King), Ryan and Kimmie put there heads together and decided to have a small party to raise the money. So they looked around the house to see what they had for the party and found a bunch of candy and beer some vodka and tonic and enough other stuff to have a party. Ryan borrowed Katie's car to go and get ice for the coolers. So Ryan decides to save money and drive to the hotel and get ice from the ice machines for free. She noticed Katie had all of her laundry in the front bucket seat so she placed them in back and made room for the ice. So after several trips in and out of the hotel she filled the front bucket seat with ice and drove back to the house, honked the horn and asked the girls to come down and help her carry the ice upstairs. Kimmie and Courtney come running down only to find that there blonde headed friend Ryan has ice thrown about all over the seats. She thought that they call them bucket seats, meaning that you could just keep things loose and not in a bag on the seat and it would stay in place, like in a bucket. Well, they saved as much ice as they could but poor Courtney's clean clothes were ruined in the back seat.

Back upstairs they started preparing the food and beer when Kimmie came up with an idea for the party. In her room she had a 5 foot plastic penis that LJ had won for her at a carnival on there first date. I think it was the game where you toss the rings and try to get them on the bottle necks. LJ often mentioned it reminded him of his 5 foot tall brother Adam. Kimmie really never liked it and always thought LJ's comments meant Adam was big in the pants, but what LJ really meant was he thought his short little brother was a big dick. So Kimmie took the weenie off the shelf and started rubbing it, trying to clean the dust off for the party. Erin came in to help her out, they were rubbing and rubbing. Erin said to Kimmie, "There is a dirty spot on the top that I can't get clean.": Kimmie answered her, "just keep rubbing it, it will come off." So once the girls were through cleaning it, Kimmie noticed that the big penis was hollow. So she had the great idea of filling it with candy and they could use it as a piņata. They thought this would be a great theme for the party. So after filling it they hung it from the chandelier in the meeting room, and began working on the flyers for the party.

The flyer's read, Tri-Sigma's "Hollow Weenie" party tonight Sat. October 31st at 7 o'clock five dollars at the door gets you in. The girls put the flyers in the windows of the local bars and passed them out to enough people to cover the cost of the broken vibrator. Six thirty comes along and the girls go up to there rooms, change, and gathered downstairs awaiting there guests. Several minutes later, Katie comes downstairs wearing what appears to be a "roller girl" outfit. Kimmie laughs and says, "This isn't a costume party, Katie." Katie says, "I know but someone tried to hold ice in my bucket seats and ruined all the clothes I planned to wear and this is the only outfit I could throw together and I am wearing it, like it or not." So the girls, convinced Katie she looked good in her outfit as girls tend to do, and they waited for the first guests to arrive.

Suddenly the door bell rang. Erin opens the door and there is a line of hundreds of people outside the door ready to party. They file in one by one paying there five dollars at the door. The party goes on and many people have said to Katie that they loved her costume and what a great idea it was. People were laughing drinking playing cards and really having a great time. And the highlight of the party came at 9 o'clock. The Hollow Weenie piņata contest. Ryan's boyfriend Tony, was the first to get the blindfold on, he picked up the bat and with just won swing knocked the whole head of the penis right off and all the candy started coming out. All of the party goers dove to the ground scooping up all this wonderful candy that was just flowing everywhere. The party went on for a few hours more before the last guest had gone home, needless to say the party was a smashing success and the talk of the campus. The final count at the door brought over a thousand dollars, more than enough to replace the house mothers wand by Monday.

The girls sent Tony to the store to but the replacement vibrator while they cleaned the house. Tony came back an hour later with the wand and a present for little Kimmie. It was a new toy to replace her worn out one. The box read, "For you girls who want ten inches of lovin, Jackhammer products presents, "The Metzel" Note: User must stick it in twice to achieve the full effect. Five plus five equals ten inches." Tony said the girl at the service counter told him it was the most popular brand. Kimmie thanked him and ran off to the bathroom.

The End.

Mark Metzel "sick bastard, and comedic genius"

P.S. Sorry if I offended any Tri-Sigs, I hope Kimmie can help explain to you my sick thoughts, and reassure that they were all in fun, simply for entertainment purposes.