It was 9 pm on a Tuesday night, and I was in the floating crane position on my large throw pillow, meditating like I always do, when I had what I think was a vision. But as I meditated longer and thought more about it, I am now starting to believe it really happened to me. Yes, I was abducted by aliens.

They have this way of making you forget you were ever taken away, or even lost any time in life, but through this deep meditating technique I now use, I can dig deep into my unconscious and recall these events. I was either 12 or 13 the first time they came. I was sleeping with the windows open on a crisp spring evening when they entered the room and zapped me. It's some kind of microwave pulse thing that freezes your whole body but your eyes and brain are still working. Where the hell am I going with this email? Your not funny. I have no story planned at all and this email pretty much sucks so far, there hasn't been one funny line yet. Maybe the aliens are controlling my brain right now and I don't know it. Maybe this is why my friends think I am so weird, when I think I am just a normal person. Maybe this is why Tommy is queer. Maybe this is why no girl wants me and LJ really wants me, because I am one deranged lunatic loser.

Even now as I sit here and type this, I say to myself, why the hell don't I stop typing and just delete this rambling bullshit? Well, Mark, the answer is if you decide to send it out, some of your fucked up friends will find it amusing to see how your brain works and just what your thinking when trying to write an amusing story and they can all point and laugh at you next time they see you. Thank you for that reasonable explanation. Wow, I just noticed, I am typing my inner dialogue that's running through my head.

How bizarre is that? I hope all of you talk to yourselves when alone. It's one of those things that you hope your not the only one doing it and you catch yourself sometimes and think, "no I am sure this is perfectly normal, perfectly healthy." Atleast when I talk to myself, the sounds in my head I am hearing has my voice and not some other persons. So thats good I guess. Some things should just not be questioned I suppose. It's like that age old question, "how does the penguin know how to fly?" answer: "he just knows"

So this is it, not an amusing story at all but one fucked up rambling rant on the inner workings of my brain and voice, not voices, inside me. So please if you finish reading this email, next time you see me don't give me a strange and scary look, just carry on like you would normally do with me and pretend my medication is working again.

I think all of you should try it, just start typing whatever you are thinking when your done reading this email and send it out to everyone and we can compare notes. Some of you may type, "what a fucked up loser." One of you may type, "boy I am hungry." Perhaps you will type, "I have to pee." Whatever your first thoughts are after reading this, type them and send them. Since I could not provide an ounce of comedy during this entire email, maybe your responses will, I really need the help on this one.

That is all.

Mark Metzel "live from the nuthouse"