Ladies and LJ,

This page contains a collection of stories, thoughts, personal opinions, complete fabrications and just some bizarre attempts at humor. Some stories are true, for example the "my new talent" story, others are half truths to a quarter truths. A few may be offensive or sexually wrong, or both. However, which ever story you choose to read, you should laugh atleast 4 times per story as a curtesy to the author. For legal purposes concerning my friend Gumby, I will accept all legal responsibility for all stories listed. Each story is copywrited and it is illegal to print them without my expressed writen consent or else it is punishable by law in the town of Huntley.

Mark Metzel, "self-proclaimed comedic genius"