- Sex is like air. It's not important unless you aren't getting any.
- There are two theories on arguing with women. Neither one works.
- Don't worry, it only seems kinky the first time.
- It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
- Lead me not into temptation; I can find the way myself.
- A fool and his money are soon partying.
- Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
- A bartender is a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
- Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.
- Macho law forbids you to admit you are wrong.
- Stress is when you wake up and realize that you haven't fallen asleep yet.
- Indecision is the key to flexibility.
- Don't squat with your spurs on.
- I started out with nothing and still have most of it left.
- At the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.