Yo Momma

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Yo momma so fat...

she had her ears pierced by harpoon
her clothes have stretch marks
she needs a watch o both arms because she covers two time zones
she has two stomaches... one for meats and one for vegetables
she needs a hula hoop to keep up her socks
when she goes to a restaurant she doesn't get a menu, she gets an estimate
she sets off car alarms when she runs
her belt size is the equator
when she fell in love she broke it
she has to buy two airline tickets
every time she puts an apple in her mouth people try to roast her
when she turns around they throw her a welcome back party
she had her baby pictures taken by satellite
she was baptized in Sea World
she went to the movies and sat next to everyone
when she went to the beach, she was the only one who got a tan
your bathtub has stretch marks
she's on both sides of your family
she's like the Bermuda Triangle; when kids run around her they get lost
when I got on top of her my ears popped
when I tried to drive around her, I ran out of gas
they tie a rope around her shoulders and drag her through a tunnel when they want to clean it
when she sits on the beach, Greenpeace shows up and tries to tow her back into the ocean
she has her own area code
they had to grease the bathtub to get her out
when she bungee jumps she brings down the bridge too
when she bends over we lose an hour of daylight
Bill Gates couldn't pay for her liposuction
when her beeper went off, they thought she was backing up
she shows up on radar
she has more chins than the Hong Kong phone book
her high school year book picture was an aerial picture
when she hauls ass, she has to make two trips
her belly jiggle is the first ever perpetual motion machine
when she ran away, they had to use all four sides of the milk carton
when she gets in an elevator, it HAS to go down
all of her clothes have to be custom-made by a contractor
when she was diagnosed with the flesh eating disease, the doctor gave her 5 years to live
she's got smaller fat women orbiting around her
her cereal bowl came with a lifeguard
her ass has it's own congressman
when she goes to the circus she sees the big top and asks, "Where can I try that on?"
when she leaves the beach everybody shouts "The coast is clear!"
when the police showed her a picture of her feet, she couldn't identify them
she went on a seafood diet... Whenever she saw food, she ate it

Yo momma so stupid...

she sold her car for gas money
she can't pass a blood test
she put lipstick on her forehead, because she wanted to make up her mind
she stole free cheese
she asked for a price check at the dollar shop
when I asked her to buy me a color TV she asked, "What color?"
she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept
she brought a spoon to the Super-Bowl
she locked herself in a motorcycle
she climbed over a glass wall to see what was on the other side
she tripped over a cordless phone
it takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes
she got locked in a supermarket overnight and died of starvation
when the sign said "Don't Walk" she froze and got hit by a bus
she ordered a cheeseburger without the cheese
on the job application where it said "sign here," she wrote "Aquarius"
she tried to drown a fish
she bought a solar powered flashlight
she put ice cubes in the freezer to keep the refrigerator cold