- The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
- Don't be irreplacable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
- No one is listening until you fart.
- Always remember you're unique. Just like everybody else.
- Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
- If you lend someone $20 and never see them again, it was probably worth it.
- It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.
- If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
- Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shores. That way,
when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
- If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
- Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man how to fish, and he will
sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
- It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
- If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
- If you drink, don't park. Accidents cause people.
- Some days you're the bug. Some day's you're the windshield.
- Good judgement comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgement.
- Duct tape is like The Force: it has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the
- Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.