1. SSL, If you could begin life over as some variety of disease-causing bacterium or virus, what would it be, and why?

   The Common Cold Virus. Why? Because a Cold is a common ailment, is annoying, and sometimes kills.

2. Just what is it with you anyway?

   "It" is not with me. "It" is not a "what" but a "who." She is my mindless-clone-double who I use as a decoy for the Alien Hunters.

3. What is your favorite primetime television sitcom in the new season of hits on The Fox Network? UPN?
   • On Fox : I only watch The Simpsons.
   • On UPN : I only watch Buffy : The Vampire Slayer.

4. What is that object, over there, to your left? No, not that one - the other one.

   Your guess is as good as mine.

5. I need a good laugh - Tell me a joke. It had better be funny.

   SSL sneers at the interviewer and waits for the next question.

6. Me and some of the guys was talking, and they said you...um...well you know. Were they right?

   Of course.

7. Which is cooler?
   1. A bumblebee black and yellow lo-rider stepside 1958 Chevy pickup with a big, neon green and black marijuana leaf on each door and quad 1200 watt 48 inch subwoofers?
   2. A complete, mint condition, 250 piece GI Joe® vs. The Transformers® Presidential Election 2000 - Palm Beach, Florida fun-set?

   b.

8. Do you prefer AOL, because it's "easier than ever," or do you prefer MSN, because it's "now more useful than ever?"

   Neither. Easier and Useful are never a good reason to use the internet!

9. Please view the following site. Why are none of these aliens discussed in detail in your site? What are you trying to hide?
   
   http://mo5.com/gori/misc/spectre/gallery2/

   #5 of the OSSLR Mission Statement states: "If you are looking for useful informaton about other aliens living on Earth, gat oudda 'ere. We don't have enough time to document one alien let alone the other hundreds, thousands, hundred-thousands, millions, billions, zillions of aliens (including the alien insects) that live here on Earth." And I'm pretty sure that goes for any aliens not living on Earth as well.

10. An associate of mine in the covert surveillance community recently sent me this image, which he claims is SSL accepting a large sum of money from a high level operative within the NASA alien coverup conspiracy. This associate also warned me that "further inquiries into this matter were highly inadvisable."

    Would you please comment on this? No. Absolutely not. No comment. No comment is neccessary. No. No. No. I regretfully decline to answer your question.

11. Your Nemesis, Lady Evenstar asks: I have it on good authority that you were seen leaving Saks wearing Capri pants, Keds, rolled down socks, and carrying what appeared to be a garden gnome under your arm. Is this true? And, if it is, what were you thinking?

    Yes, it is true. What was I thinking? Are you sure you really want to know? I'm pretty sure you don't need to know.

12. I recently fellowshipped with the Rev. Dr. Ubikiah Truth, of the First Divine Anderson Evangelical Sacred Covenant Church of the Holy Tabernacle of the Apostalic Witnesses of Calvary and the Annointed Holy Word of God, located across the street from Bob's Pay 'N Drink Liquor Store on Dumpa Vista Drive, here in Anderson [California, USA, Earth], and it is his claim that your website "promotes and glorifies witchcraft, satanism, moral degredation, secular humanism, feminism, homosexuality, and the Democatic Party." How would you respond to his criticism?

    Rev. Truth's claims seem to describe the OSSLR very well. However, I don't think the 'good' Rev. Truth was attempting to praise the praiseworthy site. So, I shall be visiting the evil hiding in virtuous clothing. [Please note the answer to #14.]

13. What do these two inkblot images suggest to you?

    Image 1.	Image 2.

    Are some kind of mind-waves supposed to be coming off these images, making suggestions about something(s)? Because I'm just not receiving the vibes. I think your images are malfunctioning.

14. Just what is the point of your website, SSL? I mean, it features no MP3 download area, no "Bumfights" videos, no paid porn memberships, and no Macromedia Flash animations featuring Osama Bin Laden being peed on, blown to bits, burned, crushed, dismembered, or boiled alive, nor anything else that makes a website useful or entertaining.
    1. The OSSLR is not my site. It is a site run by humans who feel the must keep tabs on me. As I understand it, "The Public has the right to know," therefore invading my privacy shouldn't be a problem for me, the site employees, or the site visitors.
    2. In regards to the OSSLR site lack of entertaining stuff: Pztthhh! PthTooeee!

15. I've noticed no mention of "the many hued rainbow of multicultural diversity" in your site. This strikes me as especially odd omission in a site claiming to be devoted to aliens. Is this a sign of white patriarchal, xenophopbic, homophobic, anti-environmental, colonialist-imperialist Eurocentric intolerance on your part?

    Why does the site hafta state that it is down with "multicultural diversity"? If it is not evident, then the problem is with you and those pigs like you.

16. As a fellow web developer, perhaps you can explain this - Why do you limit access to certain sites? I've noticed that a number of interesting sites will not load, but instead a warning page comes up (See Figure 1, below), which suggests that Internet users check with SSL 2.0 or SSL 3.0 before they will be permitted to access the site in question.
    And just who are SSL 2.0, and SSL 3.0? Are they clones? And SSL 1.0 is not mentioned. Who is SSL 1.0? You? Or was SSL 1.0 a faulty prototype SSL clone? Or perhaps a victim of a freak accident, or perhaps destroyed for not being obedient to you?

    Figure 1. Why do we need to check with you to be allowed access to this site? Who are SSL 2.0 and SSL 3.0? Is there an SSL 1.0? If not, what happened to her? (it?)

    The SSL known as Secure Socket Layer is in no way related to or otherwise known as Sizzling Saucer Lady. We just have the same abbreviation. I, the Sizzling Saucer Lady, in no way want to limit access to the internet in any way and find Secure Socket Layer an evil impediment to the freedom of information.

Sizzling Saucer Lady and Coyote stare off for several minute. As Coyote starts to reach for the popcorn to throw at and distract the alien lady, Lady Evenstar barges into the interview, thwacks Coyote with the Broom of Doom, and ends all questioning.