- 1) What was the most interesting insane human being you've ever abducted?
- I don't like to use the word abducted. It has become such a dirty little word. Anyway I don't abduct humans, I have parties. Anyhow to answer your question .... hmmm .... the most interesting insane human I've partied with .... hmmm .... I'm still looking for that human.
- 2) Have you ever had unrelenting wild alien sex with a human being for several hours in a row?
- Haven't all visiting aliens?
- 3) What color is the sky on your world?
- Fuscia.
- 4) Does your spaceship have "bumpers"?
- My converted speeding saucer roadster has bumpers.
- 5) Does your spaceship have "bumperstickers"?
- Yep, indeed I do.
- 6) What do some of them say?
- "[Alien face] Nice little planet you've got here. Shame if something happened to it."
- "Alien Visitors might be tomorrow's Alien Overlords"
- 7) Do any of them say "I *heart symbol* Uranus"?
- I can't seem to find any, plus they're not my style.
- 8) How many stars have you visited?
- Thirteen.
- 9) Was one of them Carmen Electra?
- Oh those kind of stars. No, I've never met Ms. Electra, but I'm very close to Elvira.
- 10) Is your name Dennis Rodman?
- Excuse me? I go by the name Sizzling Saucer Lady and all the various nicknames.
- 11) Is your name David Hasselhoff?
- EXCUSE ME?
(mumbles in some incoherent alien language)
12) Are you otherwise known to human beings as a movie/tv/music star?
Nope, uh-uh, no way. I need to keep a low profile. Humans aren't always the most tolerant. Just look at how the media represents aliens. "Aliens are always immune to bullets." "All alien intelligent beings are humanoid." "All alien races look like deformed humans." There is also the belief that the government is run by aliens. So I have no desire to broadcast that I'm an alien, even if it is obvious to most people I meet.
13) Is the moon made of green cheese?
Yes of course it is. Where have you been? Wait don't answer that.
After several minutes of a stare off, the Interviewer throws popcorn at the alien and runs like mad.
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