1,000,001 Things I Wish I Had Said First

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Mail from El Paso to Middletown, Texas, will not travel 1,794 miles as alleged. In fact it will travel no further than it does not.

          U. S. Postal Service Statement

Make things as simple as possible, but no simpler.

          Albert Einstein

MAKES 6 SERVINGS . . . Servings Per Container about 8.

          Aunt Jemima EASY MIX Corn Bread

Man, did he make a wrong mistake!

          Yogi Berra

Man is a credulous animal and must believe something. In the absence of good grounds for belief, he will be satisfied with bad ones.

          Bertrand Russel

Man, it was tough. The wind was blowing about 100 degrees.

          Mickey Rivers

Man masters nature not by force but by understanding.

          Jacob Bronowski

Mantle's a switch hitter because he's amphibious.

          Yogi Berra

Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.

          Thomas Edison

Many people are leery of fruitcakes in New York. When they find out you think you were abducted by aliens, they treat you like a weirdo, like you wear unmatched outfits or something.

          Rosemary Osnato, UFO passenger

Maturity is the ability to do the right thing at the right time, whether you like it or not.

          unknown

Maybe Jesus was right when he said that the meek shall inherit the earth--but they inherit very small plots, about six feet by three.

          Lazarus Long, Time Enough For Love


Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
          Aldous Huxley


McCovey swings and misses, and it's fouled back.
          Jerry Coleman


Me and George and Billy are two of a kind.
          Mickey Rivers


Mediocrity knows nothing higher than itself, but talent instantly recognizes
genius.
          Sir Arthur Conan Doyle


Members and Non-Members Only.
          sign outside Mexico's Mandinga Disco in the Hotel Emporio



Metaphysics is a restaurant where they give you a thirty thousand page
menu, and no food.
          Robert M. Pirsig, Lila


Mike Andrews' limits are limitless.
          Danny Ozark


Millions longing for immortality, and most of them can't figure out what to do
with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
          Susan Ertz


Minnesota voters played a major role in the victory of that state's
gubernatorial primary elections yesterday.
          National Rifle Association press release


Moderation is a fatal thing.  Nothing succeeds like excess.
          Oscar Wilde


Money isn't everything.  I've got money and I've got everything, and they're
not the same.
          Robert Maxwell


Money often costs too much.
          Ralph Waldo Emerson


Money:  what you'd get on beautifully without if only other people weren't
so crazy about it.
          Margaret Harriman


Money's only important when you don't have any.
          Sting


Most of the evils of life arise from man's being unable to sit still in a
room.
          Blaise Pascal


Most of us are just about as happy as we make up our minds to
be.
          Abraham Lincoln


Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's
opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation.
          Oscar Wilde


My dear Hortense . . . Farewell, my dear Adele!
          Voltaire


My fellow Americans.  I've signed legislation that will outlaw Russia
forever.  We begin bombing in five minutes.
          Ronald Reagan


My goal is an America where something or anything that is done to or for
anyone is done neither because of nor in spite of any difference between
them, racially, religiously, or ethnic-origin-wise.
          Ronald Reagan


My god, I am a dead man!
          Sir Richard Francis Burton, last words


My life has a superb cast but I can't figure out the plot.
          Ashleigh Brilliant


My mind rebels at stagnation.  Give me problems, give me work, give me
the most obstruse cryptogram, or the most intricate analysis, and I am
in my own proper atmosphere.
          Sherlock Holmes, The Sign of the Four


My name was printed incorrectly below my letter in the December 30 issue
of the Sevenoaks Chronicle.  It should read L P Pook, not L P Hook.
(signed) L P Hook.
          correction printed in the Sevenoaks (U.K.) Chronicle


My notion of a wife at forty is that a man should be able to change her, 
like a bank note, for two twenties.
          Douglas Jerrold


My old man taught me two things:  "Mind own business" and "Always cut cards."
          Robert Heinlein, The Moon is a Harsh Mistress



My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or
an aunt.
          Chuck Nevitt