1,000,001 Things I Wish I Had Said First



A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z



War is a profane thing.

          Norman Schwarzkopf


War is just capitalism with the gloves off.

          unknown


Warning: contains nuts.

          Sainsbury's Peanuts


Was it you or your brother who was killed in the war?

          William Spooner


Washington is a city of southern efficiency and northern charm.

          John F. Kennedy


We all get heavier as we get old because there's a lot more information in our heads.

          Vlade Divac


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.

          Oscar Wilde


We are continually faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as insoluble problems.

          John W. Gardner


We are in a pretty mess; can get nothing to eat, and no wine to drink, except whiskey.

          Sir Boyle Roche


We are in favor of a law which absolutely prohibits the sale of liquor on Sunday, but we are against its enforcement.

          1920's Democratic platform in Syracuse


We are sorry to announce that Mr. Albert Brown has been quite unwell, owing to his recent death, and is taking a short holiday to recover.

          Parish Magazine


We are the best police department in the world, but we are not perfect. Rodney King should never have been hit fifty-six times, yet many of the blows which struck him were correctly placed so as not to cause serious injury, exactly as we teach in the Academy.

          Daryl F. Gates


We are what we pretend to be.

          Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.


We can't be so fixated on our desire to preserve the rights of ordinary Americans.

          Bill Clinton


We caution the public not to eat seafood that glows in the dark.

          Pamela Morgan


We didn't send you to Washington to make intelligent decisions. We sent you to represent us.

          Kent York


We didn't turn him down. We didn't accept him.

          Springdale Golf Club president


We do not have censorship. What we have is a limitation on what newspapers can report.

          Louis Nel


We don't look for truths, just excuses.

          A. Cygni


We don't play drinking games because we're more serious about drinking than that.

          Mark Miles


We expect them [Salvadoran officials] to work toward the elimination of human rights.

          Dan Quayle


We forgive once we give up attachment to our wounds.

          Lewis Hyde


We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face . . . we must do that which we think we cannot.

          Eleanor Roosevelt


We have forty million reasons for failure, but not a single excuse.

          Rudyard Kipling


We have more people employed in this country than ever before. Sure, unemployment is up, but more people are looking for work than ever before.

          William Rusher


We have no more right to consume happiness without producing it than to consume wealth without producing it.

          George Bernard Shaw.


We have nothing against ideas. We're against people spreading them.

          General Augusto Pinochet of Chile


We have to pursue this subject of fun very seriously if we want to stay competitive in the twenty-first century.

          George Yeo


We haven't had any problem here about race. We just don't go for letting the colored ones in.

          Rainbow Girls leader in Branford, Connecticut


We keep beating ourselves, but we're getting better at it.

          Hank Bullough


We knew the Japanese were going to strike that night--the intelligence reports were dead on. I remember the breeze from the island brought in the scent of flowers. And I just didn't feel like going into battle.

          Stuart Murdock, USS Atlanta, off of Guadalcanal

We make too many wrong mistakes.

          Yogi Berra


We must have a nation of all Americans. We must expel those who cannot recite the Constitution of the United States and Lincoln's Gettysburg Address.

          William Harding


We must interpret a bad temper as a sign of inferiority.

          Alfred Adler


We must practice the art of war, so that our children can practice the art of commerce, so that our grandchildren can practice the arts of painting, pottery, and music.

          John Quincy Adams


We regret that owing to a typographical error the closing sentence of Sir David LLewellyn's article yesterday appeared as "Blessed are the merciful for they shall receive money." "Money" should have read "mercy."

          correction in the Reading (England) Evening Post


We seek not to imitate the masters; rather, we seek what they sought.

          ancient proverb


We seem to believe it is possible to ward off death by following rules of good grooming.

          Don Delillo


We should develop anti-satellite weapons because we could not have prevailed without them in Red Storm Rising.

          Dan Quayle


We should distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.

          Henry David Thoreau


We think in generalities, but we live in detail.

          Alfred North Whitehead


We wanna be free. Free to ride our machines.

          Biker, Easy Rider


We were able to slow down and dilute child care.

          Bob Dole


We will either find a way or make one.

          Attributed to Hannibal


We'd like to avoid problems, because when we have problems, we can have troubles.

          Wesley Bolin


We'll run it up the flagpole and see who salutes that booger.

          Gib Lewis


We're going to move left and right at the same time.

          Jerry Brown


We're overpaying him but he's worth it.

          Samuel Goldwyn


We've been flexible enough to kill people without declaring war.

          Lewis Hershey


We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?

          Lee Iacocca


Well, I'd say our greatest weakness is our lack of strength. Of course, I think you'll see some improvement as we get better.

          football coach


Well, that's the price you pay for paying no price.

          Alex Heublein on having no documentation with pirated
          software


Wennlund has an obscure, undistinguished record, and he's a poor dresser, too.

          Ray Hanania


What America needs now is a drink.

          Franklin Roosevelt upon ending Prohibition


What I do to make sure my form and feet are lined up is I always have a mirror right in front of me so I can look with my eyes at my body without moving my head and when backing up I have tape on the ground where I place the front of my feet so I know they are lined up even.

          Tom Ball


What a waste it is to lose one's mind--or not to have a mind. How true that is.

          Dan Quayle


What counts is not necessarily the size of the dog in the fight; it's the size of the fight in the dog.

          Dwight Eisenhower


What governs men is fear of truth.

          Henri Frédéric Amiel


What is a house, anyway, but a big place to keep all your stuff? If we didn't have so much stuff . . . we could just walk around all the time.

          George Carlin


What we call morals is simply blind obedience to words of command.

          Havelock Ellis


What we need are positive results, not press releases.

          Dick Gephardt, in a press release


Whatever games are played with us, we must play no games with ourselves, but deal in our privacy with the last honesty and truth.

          Ralph Waldo Emerson


Whatever thy hand findest to do, do it with all thy heart.

          Jesus Christ


Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it.

          Johann Von Göthe


When a great many people are unable to find work, unemployment results.

          Calvin Coolidge


When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: "whose?"

          Don Marquis


When a man's willing and eager, the gods join in.

          Aeschylus


When a thing has been said, and said well, have no compunction: take it and use it!

          Anatole France


When a thing is funny, search it for a hidden truth.

          George Bernard Shaw


When a true genius appears in the world, you may know him by this sign; that the dunces are all in confederacy against him.

          Jonathan Swift


When all is said and done, as a rule, more is said than done.

          Lou Holtz


When angry, count ten before you speak; if very angry, a hundred.

          Thomas Jefferson


When choosing between two evils, I always like to take the one I've never tried before.

          Mae West


When I get a little money, I buy books. And if there is any left over, I buy food.

          Erasmus


When I'm good I'm very, very good, but when I'm bad I'm better.

          Mae West


When it comes to ruining a painting, he's an artist.

          Samuel Goldwyn


When the man who knows all about the fruit fly chromosomes finds himself sitting next to an authority on Beowulf, there may be an uneasy silence.

          Brand Blanshard


When there is no enemy within, the enemies outside cannot hurt you.

          African proverb


When things go wrong, don't go with them.

          anonymous


When two trains approach each other at a crossing, they shall both come to a full stop and neither shall start up again until the other has gone.

          Kansas law


When you appeal to force, there's one thing you must never do--lose.

          Dwight Eisenhower


When you are in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut.

          anonymous


When you are sending 200,000 soldiers to war, you don't announce that from a golf cart.

          Melvin Gartin


When you feel terrific, notify your face.

          Farid


When you get to the fork in the road, take it.

          Yogi Berra


When you hear hoofbeats, expect horses, not zebras.

          unknown


When you return to your boyhood town, you find it wasn't the town you longed for. It was your boyhood.

          Earl Wilson


When you're through changing, you're through.

          Bruce Barton


Whenever a thing is done for the first time, it releases a little demon.

          Dave Sim


Whenever I hear the word culture, I reach for my revolver.

          Hermann Goring


Wherever I have gone in this country, I have found Americans.

          Alf Landon (in America)


While forbidden fruit is said to taste sweeter, it usually spoils faster.

          Abigail van Buren


White hair is not a sign of wisdom, only age.

          Greek proverb


Who's to say the way a man should spend his days?

          J. Mellencamp


Whoever tells the truth is chased out of nine villages.

          Turkish proverb


Why call him Joe? Every Tom, Dick, and Harry is called Joe.

          Samuel Goldwyn


Why can't the Jews and the Arabs just sit down together and settle this like good Christians?

          attributed to Arthur Balfour


Why doesn't the fellow who says, "I'm no speech maker," let it go at that instead of giving a demonstration?

          Kin Hubbard


Why is it that our memory is good enough to retain the least trivialty that happens to us, and yet not good enough to recollect how often we have told it to the same person?

          La Rochefoucauld


Why is it that we rejoice at a wedding and cry at a funeral? It is because we are not the person involved.

          Mark Twain


Why is this thus? What is the reason for this thusness?

          Artemus Ward


Why not go out on a limb? Isn't that where the fruit is?

          Frank Scully


Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.

          Lewis Carroll


Wickedness is always easier than virtue; for it takes the shortcut to everything.

          Samuel Johnson


Windows 95: n.
32-bit extensions and a graphical shell for a 16-bit patch to an 8-bit operating system originally coded for a 4-bit microprocessor, written by a 2-bit company that can't stand for 1 bit of competition.

          Unknown


Winfield goes back to the wall. He hits his head on the wall and it rolls off! It's rolling all the way back to second base! This is a terrible thing for the Padres.

          Jerry Coleman


Within the problem lies the solution.

          Milton Katselas


Women prefer Democrats to men.

          Tony Coelho


Wonder rather than doubt is the root of knowledge.

          Abraham Joshua Heschel


Words ephemeral
Mind is empty
Belly is full
Hands and wrists
Warm and damp
Dishes are done

          B.P. Keever


Work to become, not to acquire.

          Confucius


World's finest whiskey made from Scotland's finest grapes.

          advertisement for a Japanese whiskey


Worry a little bit every day and in a lifetime you will lose a couple of years. If something is wrong, fix it if you can. But train yourself not to worry. Worry never fixes anything.

          Mary Hemingway


Writing free verse is like playing tennis with the net down.

          Robert Frost