MARRIAGE 2

At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" The other replied, "Yes, I am, I married the wrong man."

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you."

The husband replied, "Yes, Dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classified: "Wife wanted." Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to make him keep her.

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.

Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

A husband said to his wife, "No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law better than I like mine."

How do most men define marriage? A very expensive way to get laundry done free.

A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

First guy (proudly) : "My wife's an angel!"
Second guy : "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

From my sister.

A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally the doctor asks him what happened.

Well, it was like this, said the man. I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife when she sliced her ball into a pasture of cows. We went to look for it and while I was rooting around I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail and sure enough, there was my wife's golf ball.......... stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt. That's when I made my mistake.

"What did you do?", asks the doctor.

Well, I lifted the tail and yelled to my wife, "Hey, this looks like yours!"

A man went to the doctor and the doctor told him he had only 24 hours to live. He went home to tell his wife and after they both had a long cry over it, he asked her if she would have sex with him because he only had 24 hours to live. "Of course, Darling," she replied. And so they had sex.

Four hours later they were lying in bed and he turned to her again, and asked, "You know I only have 20 hours to live, do you think we could do it again?" Again she responded very sympathetically and agreed to have sex.

Another 8 hours pass, and she had fallen asleep from exhaustion, he tapped her on the shoulder, and asked her again, "You know dear, I only have 12 more hours left, how about we do it again for old times sake?"

By this time she is getting a little annoyed, but reluctantly agrees.

After they finish she went back to sleep and 4 hours later, he tapped her on the shoulder and asked, "Dear, I hate to keep bothering you but you know I have only 8 hours left before I die, can we do it one more time?"

Well, she turned to him with a grimace on her face and said, "You know, YOU don't have to get up in the morning, but I do!!!"

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Jerold H Feinstein saftyrma@yahoo.com
Copyright Jerold H. Feinstein, PE 1997-00 All rights reserved; contact for permission to use
This page was last updated on 05/17/00 and is located at http://www.oocities.org/CapeCanaveral/Hangar/6056

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