Geez, you go away for a few weeks and when you get back bestiality's all the rage. I'm sorry, but am I the only one who finds the Ants Pants ad slightly wrong. The original one wasn't so bad, there was only one chick with ants crawling up her leg and when she said "sic 'em Rex" she didn't necessarily look as though she was being pleasured by the echidna. Not so with the new one – many chicks, all looking as though they're getting off on the echidna, and there's so many chicks abusing poor Rex that they wear him out. I'm sure if the ad contained a couple of guys hanging out in their Y fronts going "sic 'em Rex" that ad would be yanked off the air quicker than the Brownlow medal count should be. It's just plain wrong.
And while we're on the subject of animals... how about those sheep. Good on those protesters. It's a great cause isn't it? This is obviously such a new thing this exporting sheep business, it has to be stopped before it goes any further. I mean, they've never protested it before so it must be a new thing, right? I'm sure this doesn't happen all the time, and they don't have massive boats specifically designed for that sort of thing. Oh, sorry, what? They do have boats like that? It does happen all the time? Are you sure? Because I don't remember anybody protesting about it before, and if this has been going on for a while then shouldn't people have been protesting it before? No?
You know, when there's a drought we say "poor farmers", we even have fund raisers to help them out. When it rains and it pisses us off we say "oh well, it's good for the farmers". Because we care so much about the poor farmers don't we? Oh, except when it comes on the news that there's a ship stuck in the ocean with a crapload of sheep on it and nobody will take them because they may be diseased. In that case we say "fuck the farmers". Don't get me wrong, it's a damn shame that those sheep are probably going to end up being destroyed and, for sure, that should never happen. But, does that mean we should stop exporting sheep altogether? It's only worth a couple of billion dollars to the Australian economy, I'm sure stopping it will be no problem at all.
So protesters, I think you should all take your 'did somebody say bandwagon?' mentality, rack off home and throw a couple of chops under the grill. Oh, did you not realise that chops come from sheep? Yeah, we shoot them in the head and chop them up into little pieces. Hi, welcome to the world, you must be new. I mean, it's good that you care about man's inhumanity to animals, but only when it suits you right?
Sorry, protesters annoy me. Generally, I think they're trouble makers and hardly anything they do actually achieves anything. They did manage to stop the lastest export from leaving for half a day though. Well, it's good that, in their own minds, they feel as though they've achieved something. Good on you guys. Wankers.
Anyway, its time to chuck some of those chopped up animals into some Chinese food and wash them down with some bourbon. Mmmm, thank Christ for bourbon. Vietnam is a bourbon deprived country. I was bourbon deprived for 3 weeks. That may go partly into explaining my purchase of a 1.75lt bottle of Wild Turkey at Duty Free on the way back into Melbourne. That's right, 1.75lt. The bottle is so big it has it's own handle. That's awesome.
Have an awesome day, I know I will.
You can email the Gold Logie winning Stilt-boy at jimjimbo75@yahoo.com.au
Go ahead, ask him a question... or offer him sexual favors, he'd like that...
