Marrage Humor 4

Aging Gracefully

Bar

Cat

Cooking/
Domestic

Darwin Awards

Engineering

Jewish

Kids

Lawyer

Marriage

Office & Computer

Medical

Philosophy

Psychological
Warfare

Pregnancy

Quotes

Religious (non-Jewish)

War of the Sexes

You must realize that you are 54 years old, and I have certain needs which you are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you as a wife, and I sincerely hope you will not be hurt or offended to learn that by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Grand Hotel with my 18-year-old teaching assistant. I'll be home before midnight.

When he arrived at the hotel, there was a faxed letter waiting for him that read as follows:

You, too, are 54 years old and by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with the 18-year-old pool boy. Since you are a mathematician, you will appreciate that 18 goes into 54 more times than 54 goes into 18. Therefore,

LOVE -When your eyes meet across a crowded room.
LUST -When your tongues meet across a crowded room.
MARRIAGE -When you try to lose your spouse in a crowded room.

LOVE -When intercourse is called "making love."'
LUST -When intercourse is called "screwing."
MARRIAGE -When intercourse is a town in Pennsylvania.

LOVE -When you argue over how many children to have.
LUST -When you argue over who gets the wet spot.
MARRIAGE -When you argue over whose idea it was to have kids.

LOVE -When you share everything you own.
LUST -When you steal everything they own.
MARRIAGE -When the bank owns everything.

LOVE -When it doesn't matter if you don't climax.
LUST -When the relationship is over if you don't climax.
MARRIAGE -When ... uh ... what's a climax?

LOVE -When you phone each other just to say, "Hi."
LUST -When you phone each other to pick a hotel room.
MARRIAGE -When you phone each other to bitch about work.

LOVE -When you write poems about your partner.
LUST -When all you write is your phone number.
MARRIAGE -When all you write is checks.

LOVE -When your only concern is for your partner's feelings.
LUST -When your only concern is to find a room with mirrors all around.
MARRIAGE -When you're only concern is what's on TV.

LOVE -When you are proud to be seen in public with your partner.
LUST -When you only see each other naked.
MARRIAGE -When you never see each other awake.

LOVE -When your heart flutters every time you see them.
LUST -When your groin twitches every time you see them.
MARRIAGE -When your wallet empties every time you see them.

LOVE -When all the songs on the radio describe exactly how you feel.
LUST -When the song on the radio determines how you do it.
MARRIAGE -When you listen to talk radio.

LOVE -When breaking up is something you try not to think about.
LUST -When staying together is something you try not to think about.
MARRIAGE -When just getting through the day is your only thought.

LOVE -When you're only interested in doing things with your partner.
LUST -When you're only interested in doing things TO your partner.
MARRIAGE -When you're only interested in your golf score.

LOVE -When a rainy day means more time to stay inside and talk.
LUST -When a rainy day means more time to stay inside and have sex.
MARRIAGE -When a rainy day means it's time to clean the basement

LOVE -You only leave the house to buy coffee and doughnuts.
LUST -You only leave the house to buy condoms and Vaseline.
MARRIAGE-You only leave the house when you're allowed

My boss was complaining in our staff meeting the other day that he wasn't getting any respect. Later that morning he went to a local sign shop and bought a small sign that read, "I'm the Boss". He then taped it to his office door.

Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that said. "Your wife called, she wants her sign back!"

A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big kiss, tells him she'll see him later, and walks away.

"I understand," replies her husband, "but, remember, if you get a divorce, there will be no more shopping trips to Paris, no wintering in the Caribbean, no Lexus in the garage, and no more country club. But the decision is yours."

Just then the wife notices a mutual friend entering the restaurant with a gorgeous woman. "Who's that woman with Jim?" she asks.