I've noticed that Tightrope Walker-man has been spending a lot of time on the internet of late. I caught him the other day checking out the Yahoo! Personals. He insisted that he was looking up Avril Lavigne and somehow ended up on the personals by mistake. I don't know of that's better or worse, but I know I didn't believe him.
So, yesterday, he went out to see a movie (I think he must have gone to see Finding Nemo, again, because he came back all teary-eyed and mumbling something about having to call his dad) and I hacked into his computer to see if I could find anything potentially embarasing that I could share with you guys.
I found an email that he sent to a lovely lady called Hotbusty_shemale.
Hmmm, maybe I should alert him to something... Nah. Anyway, he seemed quite enamoured by 'Ms' Hotbusty, enought to send her the following email:
"Hi there, Ms Hotbusty. I'm really nervous. I don't normally do this kind of thing, but I think it's about time I made an effort to meet someone, and you seem like a very nice lady. Well, where should I start? I guess I should tell you a little about myself.
Well, I guess the most important thing you should know about me is that I'm not a big fan of carrots... no, wait, that's the least important thing. Damn, I should've rehearsed this. I mean, I don't hate carrots or anything, it's just that, if I have the choice, I'd rather not eat them. No big deal, I just don't really like the taste.
Anyway, I am a carnie/superhero and I like wearing my blue lycra suit with my undies on the outside. Some people think that's wierd, but I dont. I just love the feel of lycra on my skin. Plus, the tightness of the lycra shows off my other attributes... such as my rippling superhero muscles.
I've been told that I'm pretty cute, although my head is slightly big... but I don't think that it's disproportionate to some of my other physical attributes... like my heart. And right now, you're making my heart race, Hotbusty.
I like going to the movies. My genre of choice is Romantic Comedy, but I like other kinds of movies too. Thats the thing about movies, there's so much choice. Unlike carrots... they only have 2 choices – 'normal' and 'baby'. Anyway, enough about the carrots. Did I mention that I don't hate carrots? Unlike cauliflower... I really don't... ahh... never mind.
I enjoy bushwalking. Actually, that's not true. I only went bushwalking once and when I got back I found out that I missed an episode of Magnum P.I. and I cried for a week. Actually, that's not true either... I just went for a walk down to the shops to get a Calipo and I got lost. I'm not even real sure where the bush is. My sidekick, Stilt-boy, tells me that it's somewhere near Wonthaggi.
I'm clean and tidy, I enjoy romantic dinners and I also like to cook. But I don't have a lisp, nor am I naked (well, not on the first date anyway), nor am I a chef. If I was a chef, I pretty sure that, at some stage, I'd probably have to eat carrots... and I think I've established that I prefer not to eat carrots... not that there's anything particularly wrong with them... Do you like carrots?
Never mind, it's not a big deal if you do. I'm sure it's something we could work out. Ahhh... actually, how much do you like carrots? Because, if you are a carrot person, maybe we should just call it quits before things get too messy. I'm sorry things didn't work out... we just have very different lives: You're a carrot person and I don't hate them but prefer not to eat them. I hope you and your carrots are very happy together. I bet you even like the baby ones, you sick freak! Good riddance!"
Hmmm, it'll be interesting to see if he gets a response. I'm thinking Ms Hotbusty is definately a carrot person. I know one thing for sure, I'm definately a Chinese food and bourbon person, and it's definately that time of the week.
You can email the Gold Logie winning Stilt-boy at jimjimbo75@yahoo.com.au
Go ahead, ask him a question... or offer him sexual favors, he'd like that...
