There were 3 girls taking a drive out in the country. A red-head, a brunette, and a blonde. Suddenly, the car broke down. No other vehicles were in sight, so the girls decided they had to walk. Each one brought one item with them.
The red-head brought a bottle of water, the brunette brought a snack, and the blonde brought the car door.
After about an hour of walking, the girls needed a rest. They sat down and discussed why they chose to bring the items they did.
"Well, I brought the water in case I got thirsty" said the red-head.
"And I brought food in case I got hungry" commented the brunette.
"I brought the car door so that if I get hot, I can just roll down the window" said the blonde.

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A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some bum deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman they don't sell bum deodorant, and never have.
Unfazed, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been buying stuff from this store on a regular basis, and would like some more.
"I'm sorry," says the pharmacist, "we don't have any."
"But I always get it here," says the blonde.
"Do you have the container it comes in?"
"Yes!" said the blonde, "I'll go home and get it."
She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist who it and says to her, "This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant."
The annoyed blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from container, "To apply, push up bottom."
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A blind man enters a Ladies Bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a drink.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something.
(1) The bartender is blonde.
(2) The bouncer is blonde.
(3) I'm a 6 feet tall, 200 lbs. blonde with a black belt in karate.
(4) The woman sitting next to me is blonde, she is a weightlifter; and
(5) The lady to your right is a blonde and a pro wrestler.
Think about it seriously, Mister. You still wanna tell that joke? The blind guy says, "Nah, ... not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times..."
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Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch.
Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In
order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull
so that they can breed their own stock.
The brunette balances their chequebook, then takes there last $600 dollars
out west to another ranch where a man has a prize bull for sale. Upon
leaving, she tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll
contact you to drive out after me and haul it home."
The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides
she does want to buy it. The man tells her that he can sell it for $599, no less.
After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a
telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I
want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our
ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pick-up truck and drive out here so
we can haul it home."
The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds,
It's just 99 cents a word."
Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She
realises that she'll only be able to send her sister one word.
After thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and says, "I want you to send
her the word, 'comfortable'.
The telegraph operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know
that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pick-up truck and drive out here to
haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her the word, comfortable'?"
The brunette explains, "My sister's blonde. She'll read it slow."

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Killer Biscuits ....

KILLER BISCUITS WANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER (the actual AP headline)
Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her in-laws, and while there went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries.
Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head.

One customer who had been at the store for a while became concerned and walked over to the car. He noticed that Linda's eyes were now open, and she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay, and Linda replied that she'd been shot in the back of the head, and had been holding her brains in for over an hour.

The man called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Linda refused to remove her hands from her head. When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of breaddough on the back of her head. A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head. When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She initially passed out, but quickly recovered and tried to hold her brains in for over an hour until someone noticed and came to her aid.
And, yes, Linda is a blonde.

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A ventriloquist is touring the clubs and stops to entertain in a small town. He's going through his usual run of off-colour and "dumb blonde" jokes, when a well-presented blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and shouts:
"I've heard just about enough of your stupid blonde jokes, DICK-HEAD!
What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What connection can a person's hair colour possibly have with their fundamental worth as a human being?"
"It is morons like you that prevent women like myself from being respected at work and in our communities and from reaching our full potential because you and your anachronistic kind continue to perpetuate negative images against not only blondes, but women in general, for the sake of cheap laughs."
"You are a pathetic relic of the past, and what you do is not only contrary to Discrimination laws in every civilised country, it is deeply offensive to people with modern sensibilities and basic respect for their fellow citizens. You should hang your head in shame, you pusillanimous little maggot."
Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologise, when the blonde yells:
"You stay out of this Mister! I'm talking to that little smiling b@st@rd on your knee!"

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A blonde and a brunette were in an elevator. On the third floor a man got in who looked perfect - 3 pc suit, great build, nice butt, etc, etc.

The bad thing that they both noticed is that he had dandruff. The man got out on the fifth floor and when the doors closed, the brunette turned to the blonde and said "Someone should give him Head & Shoulders".

The blonde replied, "How do you give Shoulders?"

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