One morning, a grandmother was surprised to find that her 7-year-old grandson had made her coffee! Smiling, she choked down the worst cup of her life. When she finished, she found three little green Army men at the bottom. Puzzled, she asked, "Honey, what are these Army men doing in my coffee?" Her grandson answered, "Like is says on TV, Grandma -- 'The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup.'"

*******************************************************************

A new teacher started her class by saying, "everyone who thinks they're stupid can stand up." After a few seconds, little Johnny stood. "Do you think you"re stupid, little Johnny?" she asked. "No ma'am," he replied," but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself."

*********************************************************

Little Johnny was left to fix lunch. When his mother returned with a friend, she noticed that Johnny had already strained the tea. The two women then sipped their tea happily while having lunch. "Was it hard finding the tea strainer in the kitchen?" Johnny's mother asked. "I couldn't find it Ma, so I used the fly swatter," he replied. His mother nearly fainted, so Johnny hastily added: "Don't get excited, Ma, I used the old one!"

*******************************************************************

POTENTIALLY & REALISTICALLY A young boy went up to his father and asked him, "Dad, what is the difference between potentially and realistically?"
The father thought for a moment, then answered, "Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars. Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and ask your brother if he'd sleep with Tom Cruise for a million dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that."
So the boy went to his mother and asked, "Would you sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars?"
The mother replied, "Of course I would! I wouldn't pass up an opportunity like that."
The boy then went to his sister and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?"
The girl replied, "Oh my God! I would just love to do that! I would be nuts to pass up that opportunity!"
The boy then went to his brother and asked, "Would you sleep with Tom Cruise for a million dollars?"
"Of course," the brother replied. "Do you know how much a million could buy?"
The boy pondered that for a few days, then went back to his dad.
His father asked him, "Did you find out the difference between potentially and realistically?"
The boy replied, "Yes, sir. Potentially, we're sitting on three million dollars, but realistically, we're living with two sluts and a fag."
***********************************************************

Mom's Advice A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was squirming around, scratching his crotch and not paying attention. She went back find out what was going on. He was quite embarrassed and whispered he had just recently been circumcised and he was quite itchy. The teacher told him to go down to the principal's office. He to phone his mother and ask her what he should do about it. He did it returned to his class. Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back the room. She went back to investigate only to find him sitting at his with his penis hanging out.
"I thought I told you to call your mom." she screamed.
"I did," he said, "And she told me that if I could stick it out till noon, she'd come and pick me up from school."
************************************************************************

Little Timmy was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Tim?" "My goldfish died," replied Timmy tearfully, "and I've just buried him." The neighbor was concerned. "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?" Little Timmy patted down the last heap of earth then replied, "That's because he's inside your cat."

*******************************************************************

Quick Wit:

Children were called upon a classroom to make sentences with words chosen by the teacher. The teacher smiled when Jack, a slow learner, raised his hand to participate during the challenge of making a sentence with the words "Defeat,"
"Defense," "Deduct," and "Detail."
Jack stood thinking for a while, all eyes focused on him while his classmates awaited his reply. Smiling, he then proudly shouted out, "Defeat of deduct went over defense before detail."

*******************************************************************

A fireman looked out of the firehouse window and noticed a little boy playing on the sidewalk.
He had his little red wagon, and he had hung small ladders on the side of it, and coiled the garden hose up in it, and he was wearing a fireman's hat.
He had the wagon tied to his dog, so that the dog could pull the wagon.
The fireman thought this was really cute, so he went out and told the little boy what a great looking fire truck he had.
As he did, he noticed that the dog was tied to the wagon by his testicles.
The fireman said, "Son, I don't want to try to tell you how to run your company or anything, but I think if you would tie that rope around the dog's neck you would go faster."
Maybe so," said the little boy, "But then I'd lose my siren!

*******************************************************************

A little boy walks into his parents room to see his Mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down.
The Mom sees her son and quickly dismounts, worried about what her son has seen she dresses quickly and goes to find him.
The son sees his Mom and asks' "What were you and dad doing?"
The mother replies "Well, you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it to help flatten it."
You're wasting your time." says the boy Why is that?" asked his Mom, puzzled "Well when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her knees and blows it right back up."

*******************************************************************