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Newspost Archive
The following are the most notable newsposts since we began the format on IRSOS. Enjoy.
 Ri-frickin'-diculus...
Posted by Indigo Retina on 8/26/04 |
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It took me like a bajillion tries and 10 days, but the site is back to full site design satisfaction, for me anyway. Here's the deal: I updated the site to use CSS, a mystically magical new way of designing and controlling the look of a website. It's much more compatible with today's standards. However, in the process, I caused a little problem.
What happened was, Dreamweaver decided it might be fun to switch some things around without showing me, and thus it chose to express the width of one header column in "percent of the browser window". It was fine until the window was maximized, which caused a separation between the 2 header images. I cannot express the frustration knowing that, even though a maximum of 5 people would visit the site in those six days, they would be greeted by a glaring HTML spacing problem. I'm a control freak, what can I say.
For your trouble, I've changed the poll question. Enjoy.
- Indigo Retina out
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I, Retina...
Posted by Indigo Retina on 7/30/04 |
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Hello ladies and gents. What up? Indigo here, and I've got some updates that I plan to hurl at you as fast as the internet will allow. Firstly, though, how do you like that new menu header up there. Look up. No, too far. The part with the monkey and the menu. There. Isn't it nifty. Yeah, that was all me. Well, you know, and Adobe ImageReady. But mostly me.
Anyway, on to the updates. I've managed to snag information on a Rejected Project that you may want to check out. Also, we've got 3 movie reviews for you enjoyment: the sublime piece of comedy "Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy" (2004), the so-so "I, Robot" (2004) and the hi-larious "Without a Paddle" (2004), which opens August 18. Go see it guys, if only for Seth Green. Finally, I'm sure Jackson would love you to see his Pretentious Art Student Picture Gallery, which doubles as our first foray into Flash-based site management . Keep in mind, it's pretentious.
I'll leave you with this image of me meeting the esteemed, awesome Seth Green at the "Without a Paddle" screening: The girl on the left is my friend Kate, FYI.
--Indigo Retina out
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Let Them Eat Updates...
Posted by Indigo Retina on 6/24/04 |
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We're back after..ahem...another 2 and half month hiatus, BUT, we've got a lot of new stuff, so quiet you. Here's the deal. I have a full-time job that begins at 7:45 AM most of the time. Not only that, but my work location is as far away from public transit as it could be, and since I don't drive or have a bike, I walk. I walk across a river every morning to get to work. You know, on a bridge and everything, but nevertheless...a river. So you can imagine that I'm quite tired when I get home. Thus, lack of updates. But I love this site. It's my baby. It's evolved past anything I could ever have imagined.
Anyways, I've compiled a hell of a lot of stuff for you guys because I feel so bad about dangling the promise of updates in front of you every time and then not delivering. I've written 3 movie reviews and done some reorganizing of the larger Movie Reviews categories. I've split it up into 3 pages alphabetically: A-G, H-0, and P-Z. Hence, you can now read my opinions on "Saved!" (2004), "Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban" (2004) and "The Stepford Wives" (2004). Also, since I would have finished it by now anyway if I kept to any kind of update schedule, the rest of "Marta Terez" Season 2 is up and ready for your worthy approval.
On a semi-serious note, Jackson's written an account of a very surreal college experience that he has entitled "No Pain Remains: An Adventure in Morals". Read with caution. Also, on a less serious note, Jackson's brought news from the music world: "Local Beatles Cover Band Breaks Up".
Now, that is a crapload of stuff to look at. Don't worry, though. These summer months won't mark another ridiculous hiatus. Summer means more time to write stuff, at least for Jackson and Fuv. And that will mean more to update with. See, trickle down...umm...Retinomics.
--Indigo Retina out
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 All Your Indigo Are Belong to Jackson...
Posted by Jackson "Shadowfax" Brody on 4/15/04 |
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Since Indigo stopped paying our wage of 1/3 a cent per word (which he once described as grossly "overcompensating") Fuv and I overthrew him and locked him in a cage built out of abstract nouns and cognate objects. We then realized that the website is our only source of amusement and joy, and that if we lose our only source of employment we are required by law to return to the institution. So, here's an update.
(Looks through big bag of articles) OK, umm, apparently we have a new Dispatch From the End of Western Culture. Ooh, two NEW essays by yours truly; "Real Life Thrills Supplemented by Real Time Thrills" and an "Essay Accompanying a Design Project" Here's some more Marta Terez episodes for your literary consumption. And a review of the scuking brilliant Michel Gondry film "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" (2004) And yes Lion, you always had courage. Ain't it the truth? Ain't it the truth?
Indigo Retina's Site of Stuff celebrated its third anniversary on March 20, 2004 . Let me just take a moment to say how honored I am to have been a part of this and write along such wonderful eccentric people as Indigo and Fuv. Someday when we're in a rest home and have no more rights, we'll occasionally sneak onto the internet and find this website and feel pride. Then the attendants will find us and take us to the punishment room. But that's not for at least 50-60 years. We had a little office party to celebrate the anniversary. We got a little tipsy and locked Odephius in the closet. For all we know, he's still there. HA!
Dedicated to the memory of Tom K.
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Win An Update With Indigo Retina...
Posted by Indigo Retina on 3/1/04 |
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Notice something different? Nope, it's not a new haircut. It's our awesome new site look! This time, we don't even need a Frames/Non Frames portion, which means all the linking-to-other-site problems have gone away and many other difficulties as well. With a combination of templates, some DHTML, and a lot of Macromedia Dreamweaver MX 2004, I've managed to create a completely new style for the site
Boy have we got updates for you. Firstly, we've got a sneak peak review of "The Girl Next Door" (2004) with the esteemed Elisha Cuthbert, and a review of both "Win a Date With Tad Hamilton!" (2004) and "Girl With A Pearl Earring" (2003). Season 2 of "Marta Terez" continues as well. Could life get any better? I think not. Be sure to fill out our poll below on the new look, and, I promise, new updates in 2 weeks.
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Ashton Kutcher, You Sly Bitch...
Posted by Indigo Retina on 1/15/04 |
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We have returned, and I give to you the first and best movie review of the new year, "The Butterfly Effect" (2004). Also, for your viewing delight, we begin Season 2 of "Marta Terez", which can be found through "Marta Terez: The Episode Guide"
I hope you all had a great holiday season and a nice New Year. I went to see Lewis Black and Dave Attell on New Year's Eve. Beat that. Also, my New Year's resolution is to keep this site updated as much as possible. I plan on keeping it too. We will see. This year holds much promise in the humor department, so stick around and check the site every once in a while. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised.
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Owie McOwersonstein...
Posted by Indigo Retina on 12/18/03 |
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Well, we're back. Note to everyone everywhere. Never buy anything from HP. Especially if you want to do something useful with your computer, like run an obscure comedy website that no one's ever heard of. I'm really sorry the site hasn't been updated in like...a month and a half, but we're back online with some good stuff, so hopefully all will be forgiven. I'll also try to update in 2 weeks so that we don't get back out of the swing.
You'll be glad to know that with my new position as entertainment writer on my school's newspaper, I'm privvy to advanced screenings. That means that -- that's right -- some of my movie reviews will actually be able to guide your opinion of what a movie will be like before your friends ruin the ending for you.
In the meantime, enjoy a mega-update. There are my reviews of "Timeline" (2003), "Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers" (2002), and "Lord of the Rings: Return of the King" (2003). Also, Jackson's got a rather extensive scoop on a new Coming Attraction, as does Fuv. And the last 2 episodes of Season 1 are finally up in the "Marta Terez: The Episode Guide" To remember Christmases past at IRSOS, I suggest you take a look at "A Very Special Indigo Retina Christmas Special".
What better gifts could you get your loved ones for the holidays than merchandise from our Store O' Stuff? If there are such gifts, I'm sure as hell not going to plug them here.
Finally, on behalf of all the writers of Indigo Retina's Site O' Stuff, I'd like to wish everyone a very happy holidays. It seems like only yesterday I was beating Santa viciously with a hammer. We'll see if that little bitch is out of traction by December 25. Kidding, kidding....or am I?
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S to the Izz-ite, N to the Izz-ews.
Posted by Indigo Retina on 9/18/03 |
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| We've got a slew of new material for you. Firstly, Jackson's got a little somethin' somethin' with his 6 Dating Tips for Single Parents. Fuv's got his movie review debut with "The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen" (2003) and I've done my homework with a review of "Matchstick Men" (2003). Finally, this site is tackling an issue I'm sure is on all of our minds in a brand new Guest Speakers Point/Counterpoint. So enjoy kids.
I don't know if you've heard or not, but I think all the writers would agree that we would be remiss if we didn't mention our joy at the news that Family Guy will be going back into production with direct-to-DVD material, including a feature-length movie. We're so excited, and we just can't hide it. Giggity giggity gig a ty.
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This One's For The Ladies...
Posted by Indigo Retina on 9/13/03 |
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Due to popular demand, I've added 2 women's shirts to the Store O' Stuff. We've now got a Jr. Spaghetti Tank Top and a Women's T-Shirt. No one can ever say women's suffrage never did nothin' for no one. Well, I mean, someone can, but they'll be very very wrong.
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On A Sad Note...
Posted by Indigo Retina on 9/11/03 |
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| It seems this is the 2 year anniversary of the September 11 terrorist attacks. It's hard to believe it's been 2 years. In many ways, the patriotism isn't as strong as it was directly after the attacks, but I definitely think it's still at a higher level than it was before the attacks. So we've reached that kind of middle ground in the patriotism stage. I remember that fateful day as if it was yesterday, and just as surely as everyone remembers where they were when they found out Kennedy was shot, everyone will now remember where they were when they found out the Twin Towers had fallen. For me, this anniversary will always be about the indignant look of "Wha....!?" America gave the rest of the world while it realized its foreign policy in certain regions of the world might have finally come back to bite it squarely on the ass. I don't mean to preach international politics here, but despite two invasions of terrorist-harboring countries, America is no closer to its true goal--winning hearts and minds so that terror will end--than it was on September 10, 2001. However, it is true that justice should be brought to those responsible for all acts of terrorism, not just ones committed against the United States, and despite the international repercussions of invading Iraq, didn't it feel so good toppling that smug ass of a dictator Saddam Hussein? I think it did.
So, anyway, that's my brief assessment of the situation at hand. I'm sure I speak for all the writers of this site when I send all the families of the victims of the attacks our heartfelt condolences yet again, and hope that America and the world can bring those misguided yet fully accountable individuals to justice. Because if we don't, who will? France? Pfft.
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What We Did On Our Summer Vacation...
Posted by Indigo Retina on 9/1/03 |
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| We're back from hiatus with a new update format and an actual update schedule. We're going to shoot for updates every other Thursday. This will allow for making Thursdays interesting for readers, because not many of the more popular satire/comedy websites update on that day of the week. We're kicking off this new schedule with a slew of new stuff. The Downloads page has been updated with a new IRSOS wallpaper. We've added 3 new episodes to the Marta Terez Episode Guide. Meanwhile, Fuv's got a new Essay about Michael Jackson's "Beat It" entitled "I'm Sorry, Mr. Jackson, I Am Fo' Real". Our scoopers have dished up some info on new Coming Attractions as well. Also, Jackson's got a review of "The Hours" (2002) he'd like to show you. So check them out, kids. And finally, we've done some updating on our Writers page.
With all these updates, it'd be a good idea to add IRSOS to your Favorites list (Internet Explorer users only. Sorry, you Netscapers, you'll have to bookmark the page in a few more clicks than one.)
Studies have shown that those who buy cool swag from our brand new Store O' Stuff are up to thrice as awesome as those who don't. Can you breathe without an IRSOS T-Shirt? Of course. But we wouldn't recommend it.
As even the least observant among you must have noticed by now, I've decided to make each update more personal by introducing each new piece of work in a newspost-esque format. I am by no means a veteran of the newspost, and will probably never gain the eloquence of Penny Arcade's Tycho Brahe or the honest and businesslike demeanor of Ctrl+Alt+Del's Tim Buckley, but I'd like to think that I'll get better as I go along.
Mad props to DHTMLShock for all the script enhancements you see before you.
If there are any other obscure comedy-based website editors out there that would like to form some sort of partnership of advertising for the mutual benefit of all, I am open to such a proposition. You send some visitors our way, we'll send some visitors your way, you get the picture. My e-mail address is indigoretina@yahoo.com, in case you'd like to set something up.
--Indigo Retina
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