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From Jerry M.  By the way, we all know people like this ( certainly not Jerry)

Fred, Jim & Scott were at a convention together & were sharing a large suite on the top of a 75-story skyscraper.

After a long day of meetings, they were shocked to hear that the elevators in their hotel were broken & they would have to climb 75 flights of stairs to get to their room.

Bill said to Jim & Scott, "Let's break the monotony of this unpleasant task by concentrating on something interesting. I'll tell jokes for 25 flights, Jim can sing songs for the next 25 flights and Scott can tell sad stories for the rest of the way."

At the 26th floor, Bill stopped telling jokes & Jim began to sing. At the 51st floor Jim stopped singing & Scott began to tell sad stories.

"I will tell my saddest story first," he said. "I left the room key in the car!!!

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Questioning His Employee

A worker was called on the carpet by his supervisor for talking back to his foreman. "Is it true that you called him a liar?

"Yes, I did."

"Did you call him stupid?"

"Yes."

"And did you call him an opinionated, bullheaded egomaniac?"

"No, but would you write that down so I can remember it?"

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There were two old geezers living in the backwoods of the Ozarks....Rufus and Clarence. They lived on opposite sides of the river and they hated each other.

Every morning, just after sun-up, Rufus and Clarence would go down to their respective sides of the river and yell at each other. 

"Rufus!!" Clarence would shout. "You better thank your lucky stars that I cain't swim....er I'd swim this river and whup your butt!!" 

"Clarence!!!" Rufus would holler back. "You better thank YOUR luck stars that I cain't swim...er I'd swim this river and whup your skinny butt!!!" Every morning. Every day. Twenty years.

One day the Army Corps of Engineers come along. Builds a bridge. Still every morning, every day. Another five years. 

Finally....Mrs. Rufus has had enough. "Rufus!" she squallers one day. "I cain't take no more!! Every day for 25 years you've been threatenin' to whup Clarence. Well, there's the bridge......have at it." 

Rufus thought for a moment. Chewed his bottom lip for another moment. "Woman!" he declared, snapping his suspenders into place. "I'm gonna whup Clarence's butt!!!" He walked out the door, down to the river, along the riverbank, came to the bridge, stepped up onto the bridge, walked about halfway over the bridge, looked up......TURNED TAIL AND RAN, RAN SCREAMING BACK TO THE HOUSE, SLAMMED THE DOOR, BOLTED THE WINDOWS, GRABBED THE SHOTGUN AND DIVED PANTING AND GASPING UNDER THE BED!!!!!

"Rufus!" cried the missus. "I thought you was gonna whup Clarence's butt!!!" "I was, woman, I was!!" he whispered. "Rufus! cried the missus. "What in tarnation is the matter?" "Well," muttered the terror-stricken Rufus, " I went to the bridge......I stepped up on the bridge.....walked halfway over the bridge....looked up....." "And?" asked Mrs. Rufus, breathless with suspense.

"And," continued Clarence, "I saw a sign that said "Clearance, 13 feet, 6 inches".........he ain't never looked that big from the other side of the river!!!!!!!"

 

 

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maileatr.gif (2294 bytes)Jerold H Feinstein saftyrma@yahoo.com
 
Copyright Jerold H. Feinstein, PE 1997-2000 All rights reserved; contact for permission to use. This page was last updated on 09/21/00 and is located at http://www.oocities.org/CapeCanaveral/Hangar/6056

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