Philosophy III

If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out.

Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, if he gets angry, he'll be a mile away - and barefoot.

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

A closed mouth gathers no feet.

If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried

My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.

It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.

I have found at my age going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of my face.

For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.

If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

Always yield to temptation, because it may not pass your way again.

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.

Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

Reasons to not exercise.

From Hank R.

1. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 now and we don't know where the hell she is.

2. The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

3. I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to show up.

4. I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing.

5. I don't exercise at all. If God meant us to touch our toes, he would have put them further up on our body.

6. I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

7. I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

8. The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.

9. If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.

10. I don't jog, it makes the ice jump right out of my glass.

11. It is well documented that for every mile that you jog, you add one minute to your life. This enables you at 85 years old to, spend an additional five months in a nursing home at $5,000 per month.

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Jerold H Feinstein saftyrma@yahoo.com
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