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Office/Computer 3

Next two from Debbie H

The following are Windows messages that were under consideration for Windows 2000:

Smash forehead on keyboard to continue

Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue

Press any key to continue or any other key to quit

Press any key except... no, No, NO, NOT THAT ONE!

Press Ctrl-Alt-Del now for IQ test

Close your eyes and press escape three times

Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner

This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play another game?

Windows message: "Error saving file! Format drive now? (Y/Y)"

This is a message from God Gates: "Rebooting the world. Please log off."

To "shut down" your system, type "WIN."

BREAKFAST.SYS halted... Cereal port not responding.

COFFEE.SYS missing... Insert cup in cup holder and press any key.

CONGRESS.SYS corrupted... Re-boot Washington D.C? (Y/N)

File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)

Bad or missing mouse. Spank the cat? (Y/N)

Runtime Error 6D at 417A:32CF: Incompetent User

Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)

WinErr 16547: LPT1 not found. Use backup. (PENCIL & PAPER.SYS)

User Error: Replace user.

Windows VirusScan 1.0 - "Windows found: Remove it? (Y/N)"

Welcome to Microsoft's World - Your Mortgage is Past Due...

If you are an artist, you should know that Bill Gates owns you and all your future creations. Doesn't it feel nice to have security?

Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.

REALITY.SYS corrupted: Reboot universe? (Y/N/Q)

Buy a Pentium 586/90 so you can reboot faster

Access denied---nah nah na nah nah!

Bad command. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaay...

Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue

Disk Full - Press F1 to belch

Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (T)hrowup

Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic

(A)bort, (R)etry, (T)ake down entire network?

(A)bort, (R)etry, (G)et a beer?

System going down at 4:45 this afternoon for disk caching

SENILE.COM found ... Out Of Memory ...

Your hard drive has been scanned and all stolen software titles have been deleted. The police are on the way

Latest terms to add to your office vocabulary:

ASSMOSIS: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss.

BLAMESTORMING: Sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed and who was responsible.

SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, shits over everything and then leaves.

SALMON DAY: The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.

CHAINSAW CONSULTANT: An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee head count, leaving the brass with clean hands.

CLM:  Career Limiting Move - Used among microserfs to describe ill-advised activity. Trashing your boss while he or she is within earshot is a serious CLM.  (Also known as CLB - Career Limiting Behavior)

ADMINISPHERE: The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.

DILBERTED:  To be exploited and oppressed by your boss. Derived from the experiences of Dilbert, the geek-in-hell comic strip character. "I've been dilberted again. The old man revised the specs for the fourth time this week."

FLIGHT RISK: Used to describe employees who are suspected of planning to leave the company or department soon.

404: Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested document could not be located. "Don't bother asking him . . . he's 404, man."

OHNOSECOND: That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake.

PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE:  The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get  it to work again.

PRAIRIE DOGGING:  When someone yells or drops something loudly in a "cube farm" (an office full of cubicles) and everyone's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.

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Jerold H Feinstein saftyrma@yahoo.com
Copyright Jerold H. Feinstein, PE 1997-00 All rights reserved; contact for permission to use
This page was last updated on 10/18/00 and is located at http://www.oocities.org/CapeCanaveral/Hangar/6056

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