Saturday, February 12, 2005

Welcome to Hughdini.com | home

Saturday, February 12, 2005

Back to Journal Page

Mom passed away December 4th 2004. She tried with all of her might to come back. It was the most difficult thing I have ever witnessed. Seeing her try so hard and then relapse and slowly fade further and further away from us. She just did not have anymore fight to give.

The one thing that stands out for me, personally, was how much Mom and I looked alike. I would see her in certain angles like when she tilted her head or when she touched her forehead in a state of anguish. Her eyes and mannerisms were all so similar to my own. I remember telling my nephew Tim, about my observations and how Mom must have seen the same things in me many, many years ago!

Life was hard on all of us through childhood and the years leading up to her departure from us. One thing is for sure, GG gave us all plenty to laugh about, and even more to ponder as we carry on without her. She did her best and that is all anyone can do in this life.

I gained 20 pounds between July 2004 and the Holidays. My Doctor told me that some people gain between 40 and 60 pounds during such emotional times.

I drank too much alcohol and ate without measuring or counting my daily intake of fats and calories during this five-month stretch. Through it all, I kept up with my exercise routine of working with Quake and playing golf every day that I could. I am back on track now and more determined than ever before to reach my weight loss goals.

One day last summer I played in my first official golf tournament and experienced the ultimate feat in golf, I made a hole in one. The next day I took the ball with me to visit mom. When I showed it to her she was in a rehab unit and could barely speak. She had just finished lunch and was sitting in the cafeteria with the other residents. I told her what I had done and she took the ball and looked at it, then looked up at all of the other people sitting at her table. She dawned the biggest grin I had seen her make in years. She did not have to say a word either, because she had a way of giving you a look that could say it all, regardless of what that message might be. On this day, in this moment, that look said; Hey, did you hear that, my son got a hole in one in his very first tournament, what do you think about that? She turned to me and gave me the "I am so proud of you" look. The one that I had seen many times before in my youth after I had made her proud with one of my many athletic accomplishments. It was the kind of moment that I thought I would never experience with her again. She topped it off by gathering enough focus to ask me; Has Lou ever made a hole in one? Of course, she asked that question with the unmistakable mischievous look. The one that you might see from that cartoon cat in the funny papers, Garfield.

The Hole in one moment with Mom and a moment at her memorial service are both deeply entrenched in my soul. Mom had always requested that she be piped out to Amazing Grace by an official bag piper. We honored that wish, and at the end of her service, the piper marched in strong and proud as only a real good one can. When he turned to go back out of the room, I lost it completely and broke into tears. As I looked around the room at all of her sisters, I saw that this piper had brought down the house. There was not a dry eye in the place. I swear, even the people that run the funeral home lost it. For me, it was the finality of a moment that I never wanted to come, and suddenly, I did not want it to end. As he turned to march away, he marched in place briefly and stomped his feet as he did so. It marked the end of my Moms life and it saddens me to tears every time I think of it. I can see and hear his feet pounding the floor rhythmically before marching down the aisle and out of the room. It was first class! As the music ended my cousin Patty who did the memorial service said: And Grandpa says, where ya bin lassie? My Mom loved her grandfather very much. He was a Scottish immigrant and very proud of that heritage, as we all are! He played a very important role in my Moms family after her father died. Grandpa was loved by all of the Devere kids, and he loved all of them dearly. Patty's words were perfect; I can see my mom as a young girl hopping up on his knee in heaven all too eager to tell him all about where she had been.


	Welcome to Hughdini.com \| home Friday, May 03, 2002 \| Saturday, May 04, 2002 \| Wednesday, May 07, 2002 \| Thursday, May 16, 2002 \| Wednesday, June 05, 2002 \| Tuesday, June 25, 2002 \| Thursday, June 27th, 2002 \| Friday, July 12, 2002 \| Thursday, August 1, 2002 \| Wednesday, October 2, 2002 \| Wednesday, November 20, 2002 \| Thursday, December 5, 2002 \| Tuesday, December 14, 2002 \| Tuesday, January 07, 2003 \| A random thought \| Tuesday, January 28th, 2003 \| Monday, February 03, 2003 \| Thursday, February 06, 2003 \| Monday, February 10, 2003 \| Wednesday, February 23, 2003 \| Tuesday, March 04, 2003 \| Tuesday, March 11, 2003 \| Wednesday, May 7, 2003 \| Wednesday, May 14, 2003 \| Wednesday, May 28, 2003 \| Monday, June 23, 2003 \| July, 23, 2003 \| July, 24, 2003 \| Monday, September 29, 2003 \| Wednesday, October 29, 2003 \| Friday, December 12, 2003 \| Monday, December 29, 2003 \| Tuesday, January 20, 2004 \| Wednesday, February 4, 2004 \| Wednesday, February 25, 2004 \| Thursday, April 22, 2004 \| Tuesday, July 27, 2004 \| Saturday, February 12, 2005 Saturday, February 12, 2005 Back to Journal Page Mom passed away December 4th 2004. She tried with all of her might to come back. It was the most difficult thing I have ever witnessed. Seeing her try so hard and then relapse and slowly fade further and further away from us. She just did not have anymore fight to give. The one thing that stands out for me, personally, was how much Mom and I looked alike. I would see her in certain angles like when she tilted her head or when she touched her forehead in a state of anguish. Her eyes and mannerisms were all so similar to my own. I remember telling my nephew Tim, about my observations and how Mom must have seen the same things in me many, many years ago! Life was hard on all of us through childhood and the years leading up to her departure from us. One thing is for sure, GG gave us all plenty to laugh about, and even more to ponder as we carry on without her. She did her best and that is all anyone can do in this life. I gained 20 pounds between July 2004 and the Holidays. My Doctor told me that some people gain between 40 and 60 pounds during such emotional times. I drank too much alcohol and ate without measuring or counting my daily intake of fats and calories during this five-month stretch. Through it all, I kept up with my exercise routine of working with Quake and playing golf every day that I could. I am back on track now and more determined than ever before to reach my weight loss goals. One day last summer I played in my first official golf tournament and experienced the ultimate feat in golf, I made a hole in one. The next day I took the ball with me to visit mom. When I showed it to her she was in a rehab unit and could barely speak. She had just finished lunch and was sitting in the cafeteria with the other residents. I told her what I had done and she took the ball and looked at it, then looked up at all of the other people sitting at her table. She dawned the biggest grin I had seen her make in years. She did not have to say a word either, because she had a way of giving you a look that could say it all, regardless of what that message might be. On this day, in this moment, that look said; Hey, did you hear that, my son got a hole in one in his very first tournament, what do you think about that? She turned to me and gave me the "I am so proud of you" look. The one that I had seen many times before in my youth after I had made her proud with one of my many athletic accomplishments. It was the kind of moment that I thought I would never experience with her again. She topped it off by gathering enough focus to ask me; Has Lou ever made a hole in one? Of course, she asked that question with the unmistakable mischievous look. The one that you might see from that cartoon cat in the funny papers, Garfield. The Hole in one moment with Mom and a moment at her memorial service are both deeply entrenched in my soul. Mom had always requested that she be piped out to Amazing Grace by an official bag piper. We honored that wish, and at the end of her service, the piper marched in strong and proud as only a real good one can. When he turned to go back out of the room, I lost it completely and broke into tears. As I looked around the room at all of her sisters, I saw that this piper had brought down the house. There was not a dry eye in the place. I swear, even the people that run the funeral home lost it. For me, it was the finality of a moment that I never wanted to come, and suddenly, I did not want it to end. As he turned to march away, he marched in place briefly and stomped his feet as he did so. It marked the end of my Moms life and it saddens me to tears every time I think of it. I can see and hear his feet pounding the floor rhythmically before marching down the aisle and out of the room. It was first class! As the music ended my cousin Patty who did the memorial service said: And Grandpa says, where ya bin lassie? My Mom loved her grandfather very much. He was a Scottish immigrant and very proud of that heritage, as we all are! He played a very important role in my Moms family after her father died. Grandpa was loved by all of the Devere kids, and he loved all of them dearly. Patty's words were perfect; I can see my mom as a young girl hopping up on his knee in heaven all too eager to tell him all about where she had been.