There's been much talk about gangs of late, and how shutting down the Salt nightclub would get rid of the gangs in the area. I'm all for shutting down nightclubs, because they're shit, but I don't think it will solve the problem of gangs. I think we need to get to the root of the problem, I mean, does any of us really understand what it's like to grow up in the ghetto, the slums of South Yarra?
I can only guess what it would be like as a kid to come home from Wesley College, only to be whisked away to some fancy cafe to eat a delicious meal al fresco in the fashion district of Melbourne. Or worse, eating Thai take away at home in front of your large screen TV and being forced to watch something or other on Foxtel instead of playing games on your Playstation 2. Damn Nazi parents! Can any of us really understand?
I think the movie 'Colors' with Robert Duvall and Sean Penn should have been set in South Yarra. Of course, they would probably have to change the name to 'Pastels', but that's a small concession for bringing the brutal reality of the slums of the fashion district to light.
We would open on Damon Wayans and Ice-T drinking Stella Artois into the late hours of the afternoon. A member of a rival gang fronts up to them wearing last seasons colours. Ice T jumps to his feet and says, "Yo, my nigger, don't you know that brown is the new black?" and then STAB... right in the double breasted jacket. Oh, the humanity!
I think we are long overdue for a movie about fashion gangs at war in the slums of South Yarra: Pret-à-Mourir.*
On another note, I think that people who are nice enough to attend your wedding should not be ostracized from the bar tab because the are, for example, bourbon drinkers. It is not my... I mean, their fault that beer and wine tastes shit. Is Honey Lemon Chicken traditional wedding food? I hope so.
*I so wanted to be able to write Pret-à-Morte, because it rhymes with Pret-à-Porter (a French fashion term meaning ready to wear). Unfortunately, I discovered that Morte, whilst not unrelated to what I wanted, means 'dead' in reference to a female and so made no sense in the context I wanted to place it. So I ended up having to use Mourir which apparently means kill/die/butcher, which unfortunately doesn't really rhyme with Porter. Oh well, you can't have everything I guess.
You can email the Gold Logie winning Stilt-boy at jimjimbo75@yahoo.com.au
Go ahead, ask him a question... or offer him sexual favors, he'd like that...
