Well, it's December. I can't believe it's nearly Christmas already, there's something very wrong with how fast time is flying... I didn't even know it had wings... like a maxi-pad. Anyway, I better get back on topic (Christmas, time, wings, maxi-pad... it's a natural progression).
Something I'm really looking forward to this Christmas is joy that is Carols by Candlelight at the Myer Music Bowl, sponsored by McDonalds. I managed to get my hands on the set list for this years festivities (because I'm actually participating in it this year) and I found some of them very interesting:
Ronald McDonald will be singing 'Ronald the Red-knobbed Billionaire (Has a Very Shiny New Salad Menu for the Weight Conscious Ladies)'.
I'll be singing 'Frosty the Bourbon'.
This year, Santa wont be coming out ON HIS SLEIGH, he's actually coming out TO SLAY Hi-Five, who have become rabid, insane vampires, feasting on the blood of small children. Maybe Santa should leave them alive, it might make their show watchable.
Tightrope Walker-man will be singing 'Away in a Manger', which is not really all that funny in itself, but he thinks the words are 'A Gay and a Ninja'. That might have something to do with the special sheet music I gave him.
Humphrey will make an appearance, of course, singing an original composition 'All I Want for Christmas is for Kids to Stop Checking Under My Fur for Bear Bits'.
And the pizza resistance (you know, the 'icing on the cake' – I don't know how to spell it in French) will be Ray Martin crooning along to 'It's a Very Merry Creanless Christmas'.
Ah yes, it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas. Actually, according to the retail industry it was beginning to look a lot like Christmas in early August. Personally, I'm hanging out for a food processor so I can make smoothies and rissoles... or maybe another bottle of bourbon so large it has a handle. Yum.
A gay and a ninja walk into a bar
'We don't serve ninja's' said the barman being smart
The ninja smiled politely and then kicked him in the face
And the gay tied a neck-tie a-round the barman's waist
TWM: Are you sure this is right? It doesn't sound very Christmasy.
SB: Don't worry, the kids'll love it!
TWM: Yeah, I'm just nervous.
SB: Try walking barefoot on the carpet and make fists with your toes.
TWM: Fists wid ya toes...
Tune in next week when terrorists take over the Myer Music Bowl in an attempt to steal billions of dollars worth of Bonds T-shirts and underwear, and only a renegade Tightrope Walker-man (sans shoes) can stop them! (God help us all!) Costarring Dr. Innuendo as Hans Gruber and Reginald Vel Johnson as the fat black cop who likes Twinkies.
You can email the Gold Logie winning Stilt-boy at jimjimbo75@yahoo.com.au
Go ahead, ask him a question... or offer him sexual favors, he'd like that...
