The Quotebook: July 2003

July '03

Places

Index

Quotepages

2005: June vote!
May vote!
April vote!
March vote!
February vote!
January

2004: December
November
October
September
August
July
June
May
April
March
February
January

2003: December
November
October
September
August
July
June
May
April
March
February
January

2002: December
November
October
September
August
July
June
May
April
March
February
January

2001: December
November
October
September
August
July
June
May
April
March
February
January

2000: December
November
October
September
August
July
June
May
April
March
February
January

1999: December
November
October
September
August
July
June
May
April
March
February
January

1998: December
November
October
September
August
July
June

Quotes of the Years

Remembrances

Other quotethings

Other people's quotebooks

Other things entirely

Quote of the Month
"I'm sorry, we're from Florida. We're still trying to figure out how to vote." -- Someone from Florida (7/26)

7/2: Borders

"I thought she'd written another book, but she's just a lazy wench." -- Customer, after she realized her author had only reissued old novels.

: Somewhere

Andrew: You can't say that with a straight face.
Kathleen: I don't have a straight face.

7/3: Online

"I bought another skirt today, because of YOU!" -- Katherine, trying to prove to me that she's not a lesbian.

7/4: Claire's house

"I don't let people see my ass until I've known them for a certain amount of time." -- Andrew, on the proposition of getting a tattoo on his ass.
"It's all sphinxed out." -- Laura, about Claire's motionless cat.
"I bet it felt good to get that out of his system." -- Claire, on a particular example of rage rock.

7/5: Chili's

"I like it. It's very DuChamps." -- Tracee, on the toilet bowl in our backyard.

7/11: Virgil's in NYC

"Would you like to try my breasts?" -- Kathleen, serving them up, apparently.
"Tony's not an action figure. He's more of a ... doll. He's a cabbage patch toy." -- Kathleen, on the prospect of making action figures out of certain faculty members.

: LIRR

"I feel like the bottom pick-up stick." -- Kathleen, her legs at the bottom of the pile.

7/13: The Bermatorium, Tabooing

Kathleen: You're so dead, I'm gonna write on your ...
Hoter: FACE.
Kathleen: Why would you say face? Why would you say face.

"Sweet Jesus sweet Jesus sweet fuck you Jesus!" -- Kathleen

7/15: Borders

Andrew: Thank you, Christa. At least someone thinks I'm funny.
Christa: But I'm blonde.
Dwight: Yeah, she thinks rain is funny.

: Home

"Most gay men are neat and stylish." -- Mom, talking about Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, and then glancing at me disapprovingly.

7/16: Chili's for Hoter's birthday

"I mugged you, it's over. Don't stare at your mugger, you might get shot!" -- Kathleen, to Hoter upon stealing her wallet so she couldn't contribute to the bill.

: Christophers

Malibu + pineapple juice + Midori = Kathleen's Melons
Coconut rum + pineapple juice + banana rum = Ee's Bananas

"Andrew, they made you seem straight." -- Kathleen, having spent time in the City with gayer men than me.

7/17: Jet Blue to Denver

Andrew: A paltry 501 mph.
Laura: Psh. I do that going to the Dojo.

7/18: Tooling around in Denver

"Who's in that red Cadillac? Maybe it's someone else having to do with porn." -- Laura, after seeing the photographed vehicle:

"You know what? This is bullshit. I'm a lesbian, goodbye." -- Laura, reenacting the end of her last relationship with a man.
"Fuckin golf shirt, slow-walkin, no-socks-wearin fool!" -- Laura, waiting for a man to cross the street.

7/19: Dai Sensei's Dojo

"I fight off three people to save you this piece of cake, and now you don't want it? What a schmuck." -- Dai Sensei, to a young martial artist.
"Oh, are we on the floor?" -- Andrew, during a blindfold exercise.

Dai Sensei: Do you see what I mean?
Andrew: Well no, but I understand what you mean.

Sensei Masi: Truce?
Shihan Mendel: Truce?! We had a truce and then you kicked me!

Sharon: That's not as bad as Andrew's patch story! Tell 'em, Andrew!
Andrew: Actually, Sharon, I wasn't telling people about that.

"I never go west of Colorado Boulevard without my passport." -- Dai Sensei

Gary: Domo arigato gozaimashta, Sensei.
Erika: Same thing.

7/20: Detour, a ~~gay &~~ lesbian bar in Denver

Laura: Do you think he's gay?
Andrew: I don't know, I don't have another napkin to drop.

: Wandering aimlessly through Denver looking for a gay bar

Andrew: We're gonna take this Street to Road.
Laura: Oh c'mon, don't say "road," say fuckin names of streets!

Laura: Next time we take a trip together, we're gettin a convertible.
Andrew: Because that'll keep us from getting lost and turning the wrong way down one way streets.

"Now I know what was in those freight trains. Homeless people." -- Laura, drawing a conclusion to the abundance of homeless people in Denver.
"Did you do a gakun on a smurf?" -- Andrew, brainstorming possible reasons for the mysterious blue mark on Laura's pointer finger.

7/21: Fort Collins, CO (Tompyland)

"I tried to have my way with a lawn chair in the back seat, and it won." -- Tompy
"I should write 'Hiking for Dummies: Flip-flop Accessible Trail Guide.'" -- Tompy

: DIA

"I was Glenn Close's sister, Really Far Close." -- Andrew, not at all near a winning hand in Rummy.

7/25: Grand Chapter

Sign in Dining Hall: Do not remove food from dining hall for personal consumption.
Sara: Can I take it and sell it?

"You need to appoint a head nut ... or you could just proclaim yourself head nut." -- Tammy, to an enthusiastic member of the Peanut Gallery.
"Whatever I'm gonna drink on Monday, add three margaritas to it." -- Sara, anticipating her 21st birthday.

Andrew: I think there's more than one copy of the FGD, and they each say completely different things.
Sara: This one's written in crayon!

Tammy: Order!
Andrew: Oh, I'll have a burger and fries.

"You know what, guys, points of information are to be saved until after two rounds of debate, so we'll just go ahead and debate, okay? So, pro ........, con ........, pro ........, con ........, Okay? Point of information." -- Tammy

7/26: Grand Chapter

"I want to remove all of the punctuation from the National Constitution." -- KelGa, getting fed up with amendments.
"Director of Making Things Larger and Farther Away From Each Other." -- Sara's guess at the Director of Expansion's new title.
"Second by ... Delta Omega? Oh my god!" -- Tammy

Karen: If Sean falls asleep, we cannot tape him to his chair.
Christine: Why not?
Karen: Because he asked us not to.

Josh (BD): [The blow up doll is] anatomically correct!
Drew: How about the delegate?

"Order. That means 'get off the table.'" -- KelGa, to me.
"A member is a brother ... shit." -- Tammy, trying to distinguish between the terms 'member' and 'brother.'
"From now on, if you want to make an amendment, you have to come up to one of the microphones, except mine." -- Tammy

Brian: Tammy's underwear has an odometer on it.
Tammy: That's slander!
Brian: I have proof ... therefore it is not slander.

"Were you able to get it up?" -- Tammy, about Adobe Acrobat reader.
"I just got a disk with the FGD and I got excited ... I'll continue that later tonight." -- Tammy
"It is my personal opinion on behalf of my chapter..." -- Someone from somewhere.
"I'm sorry, we're from Florida. We're still trying to figure out how to vote." -- Someone from Florida.
"I'm offended by all this talk of sex and alcohol seeing that I'm sitting here sober and not having sex." -- Someone from somewhere else.
"Morehead Morehead we're so great, we don't have to masturbate!" -- The chapter from Morehead University.
"Did you say, 'By shit I mean fuck,' or 'By fuck I mean shit?'" -- Sara, trying to quote Nate.
"It would be easier to make a list of people who aren't on the shit list." -- Sara, during a game of Phase Ten.

Sara: I asked you nicely.
Juice: I know, and I appreciate it.

7/28: Kittyboo, CT

"Look at your cards but don't show them around, little card sluts!" -- Kathleen, reading the directions to Hoopla and adding her own commentary.

Andrew: Louise and I were having sex.
Dan: Oh, that sounds like fun.
Andrew: Not really.
Louise: Yeah, Andrew doesn't really know what he's doing.

"It's easier than the hardest game in the world, but it's harder than not playing this game." -- Dan
"You put your ass on this and move back and forth." -- Hoter, I believe trying to describe horseback riding?
"Sara in a half shell, Sara power!" -- Kathleen

Sara: I live with my boyfriend.
Heather: Why?
Sara: Because I like him.

"Excuse me, sir. I would like to inspect your whatnot." -- Dan

7/30: Borders

Child: Mommy, where am I going to live?
Mommy: What do you mean?
Child: If you move to your email address, where am I going to live?

: That bar in Union Square

Sueha: You hooked up with Ed?
Louise: Oh I MORE than hooked up with Ed!
Sueha: You ... married Ed?

Sueha: I'm curious.
Andrew: I'm more curious.
Jillian: I'm bi-curious.

"Oh, I haven't gripped in so long! And that's the truth!" -- Jillian. Clearly, the double entendres don't end at GC.

Previous month|Index|Next month

Webpage created by Andrew Berman. No rights reserved. Please don't eat me.