The internet's a great thing...you wouldn't be reading this if we didn't have it. Everyone knows that the number one thing on the net is porn. Most of it is pretty bad. If you've ever taken the 3 seconds to sample online adult...um...content, you know that it's definitely convenient, formulaic, relatively safe and for the most part, private.

But there's still nothing like going into an adult book store. From finding a place to park so that no one will see your car (with the Green Party bumper sticker on it) to making sure no one sees you go in, making sure there's no one there you know, not making eye contact with the clerk. It's just an experience every one should have...in my humble opinion.

So guess where I went today...yep. Being in that holiday spirit, I wanted to give someone a gift certificate for the place. I will say that the gift certificate is for a female and she has already effectively called me buddy. I just ran out of ideas...well...sort of. The only things I could think of were just so freakin lame...and there was this discussion we had this one time...so...one way or another she may not be calling me buddy in a few days. Ho! Ho! Ho!

So I said F-it. I parked right in front, by the door. Bumper sticker facing the street. I took off my hat & sunglasses before I got out of the car. Walked in, wiped my feet...proud to be there, damnit! As I'm walking to the counter to inquire about gift certificates from such a fine establishment, I noticed out of the corner of my eye an adult student I've tutored at a local college looking at movie boxes...then noticed him notice me and slink away to another corner of the store.

Next time, I'm going to buy "The Fist"...just because I can. And I'll tell the guy behind the counter, "No thank you. I don't need a bag!"

"God bless us...every one." - Tiny Tim