I...uh...wow.

Well, I guess this is another way to put it.

What's it gonna take? Seriously. What will it take for you to see that the two corporate political parties do not serve your best interests?

I've railed on Republicans - but one last example. The bankruptcy bill just passed...it's going to screw the common folk while giving corporations more ways to take your money. THAT's your party. Oh, and not wanting filibustering in judicial appointment hearings. THAT's democracy? (My Senator Clintonbagger didn't make the vote on that one...curious...)

But onto the Democrats....I have two examples of how useless they are...one is national the other local:

*Hooray! Howard Dean's the chair of the party! Whoopie! Uh...maybe not. Look, how many times are they going to sell their own out, before people realize that the leaders of the party are right in step with the War Criminal known as your President. They bend over and take it every single time. You were scared and backed another Yale elitist who couldn't have been a worse candidate which followed that tool, Gore, who was the second worst candidate. Where the hell is Michael Dukakis when you need him? The number of Dems who voted for the bankruptcy bill is another clear sign that the D's don't give a crap about your ass.

*I'm working on a Green's local campaign. We're trying for other ballot lines as well (in NYS, you can run on more than one line...it's a little funky, but it's set up in a way that usually, corporate candidates usually get those third party lines too....nice, huh?). In this particular situation, a guy who has been in the seat for 20+ years is being outed by term limits. The Dems can't find anyone to run for the spot so they get the guy's wife to run...she doesn't want to do it, but however they "convinced" her...she's running...and as a Dem for a local office, she's running on a anti-abortion platform...I swear, it's true. So we decided to see if the Dems would consider running our person on their line instead...he's more progressive and we actually wants to run. Well at the town dem committee meeting the guy still in office & the Operation Rescue wannabe's husband gets up and goes into a tirade, screaming at everyone. How DARE they consider this other person! You owe her! He scared everyone to the point where no one would even nominate my guy. So this chick, who doesn't want to run and almost broke down crying, who doesn't have an idea in her head other than stop abortions gets the nomination unanimously.

So the Democratic Party will be running a person who doesn't want the seat, who's only platform stance is anti-abortion against a Republican lawyer. Big choice there, huh? Oh, we're still running - which means there will be a choice for anyone who isn't stuck in 1950, but will they vote for a Green? That's the thing. Will they just look at party? Because if they do....hello, Ward. Hello, June.

So what am I suggesting? Well, sure. Go Green would be my number one suggestion, but even if you just can't bring yourself to do it...go anything other than the corporate two! Or if your toilet training was funky and you just can't change, get involved in the party and get them to stop this crap!

I've probably talked about his before...but I love it when Dems tell me that the Greens need to register en masse as D's and "take over" the party. Sheeeeee-it. You can't do it, what makes you think we can. If the Democratic Party really wanted to get rid of the Greens they would start acting like progressives. Start standing up for social & economic justice, the environment, real democracy...instead of being the greedy little corporate whores they are.



Check it out.

What the hell is this:



I know someone who knits...crochets...whatever...something with yarn. I asked her to make me one that I could use as a hand puppet. "Hello, girls!"

Who would think of something like this? "Let's see....hmmm...I need to knit something original...mittens? No. A funny hat? No. I know...how about a womb! Complete with uterus, fallopean tubes & ovaries! Brilliant!"

Now, back to the hand puppet guy. Suppose this winner came at you in a bar with a uterus made of yarn. Man, they'd send his ass to the funny farm. And check out some of the links on that hand puppet page. Wow. If I were to go with that stuff I'd need to grow a porn mustache and get a smoking jacket. Ouch, Babe!

[The following is satire and is not intended to be taken seriously. Everyone at the Office of Homeland Security can chill out and continue to waste our money and screw up our airports.]

Dear King Carl XVI Gustaf of Sweden,

I realize that we have never met, but I'm writing this open letter to you hoping you will help right a terrible wrong.

I've known for years that your country takes care of all its people whether old, young, disabled, mentally ill or conservative. You have a great, universal health care system and your discrepancy of wealth is one of the lowest in world.

I've read online that your cities are clean, there's little blight and that everyone lives a pretty good, middle class existence.

Your Excellency, in the United States we have a growing base of people in poverty. Our cities are crumbling and are filled with violence and hatred. We have an infant mortality rate (as well as adult literacy rate) that is worse than many third world countrites. A few people keep getting richer and richer as our government makes it more difficult to file for bankrupcy. Our civil (and human) rights are being taken away from us, if fact I may have the FBI at my door just for posting this. We need to be liberated from this oppression.

That is why I am inviting your country...no...begging your country to invade the United States.

I know, this may seem drastic, but I am only using my own government's logic. Before you make a snap judgement, hear me out.

We invaded Iraq because supposedly they had weapons of mass destruction. They didn't, but we sure do. Tons of them. You won't need weapons inspectors, we brag about our WMD's. We're trying to make more. And we have them aimed at the rest of the world. If that's not a threat, I don't know what is.

Then we said we invaded Iraq because we had to get rid of a cruel dictator. Our dictator is responsible for killing people all over the world. He is killing our poor folks right here by increasing pollution, taking away health care and then stealing...I mean privatizing our retirement money. And as for the dictatorship, our poor people's votes don't count anymore as our dictator rigs our elections and he makes our teachers use the worst propaganda imaginable. Our kids are growing up as dumb as box of hammers and we have the test scores to prove it.

Now we're staying in Iraq because the country would implode if we didn't stay there and put in our own puppet regime. Well, our country is imploding and we need help!

I know, this is a radical idea and you have no real cause to invade the United States, but think of all the lucrative contracts Swedish corporations can get for rebuilding our cities. Heck, they're in such bad shape now you wouldn't really need to do any bombing. I'm pretty sure all you would need to do is take out a few Starbucks and all the white folks would see the hopelessness of fighting back. And most of the black & latinos are too busy looking for jobs.

Your Excellency, don't think of this as an unprovoked attack, think of it as a humanitarian mission. I've never been too big on monarchies, but if you can deliver us from this hell, I'm willing to give it a try. Please, Your Highness, before it's too late.

Your Humble Servant,

Whitee

I continue to try to wrap my brain around the reasoning for people backing our current government. As maddening as Democrats are (see every other post I've ever made), I just don't understand how anyone can back people who hate the way these people do. Now, I know...generalizing isn't too cool and I preach that we should try to understand others' points-of-views, but this is just...I don't get this. How can people be so short-sighted? They're either short-sighted or the meanest mother fuckers "of all time".

Sparky...do you understand that we will run out of oil? Probably sooner than later, too. Stop & think for just a nanosecond. This big oil thermos we call Earth, will run out of oil. It's not a bottomless pit. The few of you nimrods who get this look to nuclear power. Dumas, forget huge nuclear accidents, leaving ourselves open for terrorism, etc. The waste has to go somewhere. And the more we rely on it, the more it makes. But you tools insist on doing stuff like this energy bill that was just passed.

Then, in the name of profits...oil companies pay groups to debunk Global Warming. Sigh...I'm not a scientist...I don't play one on TV. But you don't have to be one to understand that if you spew shit into the environment, it's bad for living things. You can argue all you want about how much damage it does, but you can't argue that it's not hurting us. So why don't you continue to develop the technologies we already have to reduce, if not eliminate, this stuff?

Hey, you! Yes, you. Mr. Capitalism. Wanna get rid of all the Socialists? You probably don't because then you'd have to find someone else to be your villian, but I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. Wanna get rid of the Socialists AND continue to make obscene profits? Why don't you make something else, something that actually helps people & the environment. Instead of doing stuff to surpress renewable energy, you should be taking the vast amounts of capital you already have and pour it into solar & wind power. Yes, the technology kinda sucks now, but with your investment capital it will improve and you'll be the Overlord of Solar & Wind! And if you pay your workers a living wage, we treehuggers will be so busy creaming our jeans to bother you anymore.

You can do it. Kodak did it, but for all the wrong reasons. They refused to change with the times and focus on digital, but when everyone passed them they fired people, moved jobs to Mexico & China, ruined Rochester's local health care system and turned things around. By golly, you can change your corporation, make globs of cash and actually help society. Poof! Goodbye, Socialists. Why don't all you so-called business-friendly Republicans do something about this? Again, you either are short-sighted, stupid, or mean mothers.

Another example....I don't care what kind of "christian" you are...this isn't cool. You can't threaten judges you don't like. You hear me Tom DeLay, you suckhole? You can't do that. I don't care who you think you are. I don't like you, but I have to tolerate a world with you in it...suck it up! Go shoot squirrels on Ann Coulter's back porch.

Sigh...Annie...poor, little Annie. I got preoccupied with other things and forgot about you. I know this whole Time cover fiasco is just a way to get my attention.



Yes, Butterwings, they made your legs look ridiculously long. I know, your feet look like you should be sailing down the Erie Canal (drawbridge up!). The fact that your head is "the size of a pea" is fitting for someone as void of intellegence as you. Don't you worry your little pea-sized head about it. That liberal rag, Time Magazine, can never distort the distortions you spew. By the way, find any of those Vietnam Veterans from Canada, yet?

Come home, Annie. Your clock is a-tickin and we need to start makin our young-uns.

Look...I've never bought into this full moon crap, but what the hell is going on?!!??! There are some stupid MFers out there and they all seem to be focused on me tonight. I've got this one guy who won't stop calling me...he's called me - literally - 7 times tonight and won't leave a message. I was tabling at this function for the Greens and I swear it was non-sequitor night...no one could connect two ideas together if they had superglue and a clamp.

And one woman...I swear I wanted to kick her ass (non-violently, of course) all over the room. She wouldn't shut up and when other people came to our table to ask questions about the greens she just kept going on and on...ooooh...it was like The Travel Agent Sketch from Monty Python. But what really sent me over the edge was when we told her that we were working on a political campaign and needed people to make phone calls and go door to door..."Oh, I'm too educated for that. I have three degrees. Get some students to do that." F-you! F-you! F-you! If you're so f-ing smart, you would see that I don't give a rat's ass about your freakin dry well in Podunk, Maryland. What are you're degrees in? A BS in BS, An MA in Self-Absorption and a Doctorate in Dumbass!

I'm tired of all of you stupid MFers. I'm tired of all you local dems who continue to insist on trying to out Republican the Republicans. I'm tired of you wankers who need small talk to define your existence. I'm tired of being the Marion Barry of the Friend Zone. I'm tired of having a head so full of mucus...if I had a dime for every ounce of mucus I've produced in the last 24 hours, I'd have a bunch of green, runny dimes. And there's not much you can do with a bunch of green, runny dimes.

I haven't posted in a while as I've been dealing with personal stuff...not all bad...but my intention is not to make this a webjournal...you're not going to see stuff like: "I had a great bowel movement today." or "Today I went to the store and bought a spatula, an enema and a lawn chair." Though that could be interesting. And I don't use this to whine about personal problems as I think the only people who read this with any regularity are people I know. The last thing I need is a friend or relative calling me and saying, "What do you mean I smell like feet?" I mix in the personal when it relates to something on a bigger plane...like this.

God damn it. This pisses me off. How the hell did I end up Mayor of the Friend Zone, again? I was just minding my own business, not hurting anyone - then bam! I'm not just IN the Friend Zone, but I'm the Mayor...I'm the Marion Barry of the Friend Zone. Mother F*er. OK, that may have snuck up on my ass, but there's no way I'm going to make the same mistake twi...uh...thre...uh...fiv...again.

So I'm working on someone's political campaign for a local office. A good guy. Deserves to be in office, he'll do a great job. I'm talking with someone who has high ties to the local Democrats...she tells me that the muckity, mucks in the party say that my guy is awesome, they love him, he's great...he should be a dem.

Wait a second...let me get this straight...someone is smart enough to be a dem. Look...and this goes for dems all over the country, not just in my hometown...what the freak has any democratic administration done of any consequence? I'm talking local. In the City of Rochester, there's been an all Democrat city council & mayor for decades and this city sucks ass. (Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't want to hear crap about people shouldn't put this city down, blah, blah, blah. Most cities suck when it comes to government and societial issues...read on)

Seriously, what has your city's/town's Democratic administration ever done that's been really innovative or solved any problems? Absolutely nothing. Around here the Democrats pat each other on the back for not being Republicans. And that's it. They do nothing else but kiss unions' asses with their thumbs up their own. Here, they pass laws to put homeless people in jail, spend millions on a freakin boat to go across Lake Ontario, standardized test functionally illiterate kids back to the stone age and sit around throwing their own feces while there's thousands of houses in the city with lead paint in them. They freakin do nothing.

Then they have the balls to say that anyone with vision, who isn't going to play their morally bankrupt games by running as a green "should be a democrat"? F-you and the horse you rode in on. F-you, F-you, F-you. You don't get it. Wanna get rid of the Greens? Want us to all become Dems? (which they've tried to talk us into doing) Then do something useful! We're greens because you suck!

And you stupid people who vote for Democrats only because they're Democrats without knowing what useless sacks of crap they are - this is your fault too. Join a F-ing gang if you need to feel in with the crowd.

People want me to become a Democrat and run for office. I'll start turning tricks at the bus station before that happens. Will I consider running on the Dem line as a Green? Oh yeah. I'd force a primary, get on the line then kick the crap out of any of their KFC platform jokers they send against me. But not now. I have my term as the Honorable Whitee Barry to finish.

Hail to the "Chief".

Wow. I need some Geritol or something. I played catch with an 11-year-old kid today and my freakin hamstring is killing me. The kid did have me running all over the place and it was the first exercise I've had in 2 months (!) but Jeez...

But on to the real world...

My state representatives have been virtually making out with each other over the fact that they passed a state budget on time for the first time in 20 years! In the words of Chris Rock: "You're supposed to, you low expectation-having-mother-f(ers)!" Damn!

And semi-connected to that is the fact that locally, some wankers are going to the state government for MORE money to build a freakin soccer stadium. Now, let's just forget for a second how much soccer sucks. It ranks up there with tennis. Both suck, but if you're going to force me to watch either, at least it better be women playing...yes, because they're women, not because I like the sport...that's my point.

Anyway, it must have been 10-12 years ago, some folks came to our local government and asked for money to build a new (minor league) baseball stadium. There was the promise that once was built the government...I mean the taxpayers...wouldn't have to pay a dime to run it...yeah...now it costs us about 2 million bucks a year. Now comes along this freakin soccer stadium. These wankers already got somewhere around 12 million in state money and that was supposed to be it, now they want another 9 mil. Man...if I were a state rep I'd put my foot up someone's soccer-loving ass. Make those no-hands-using jamokes play at a city rec center...amongst the broken glass, syringes & used condoms.

Washington DC ALMOST had it right. They got manhandled into agreeing to build a stadium for the baseball team formerly known as the Montreal Expos. Then at the last minute the city council told them to stick it - they weren't paying for it. All these new jerseys & hats were going to be obsolete because the Expos weren't going to move there if they didn't get they're free stadium. But someone got to somebody and the city backed down or took some lame-ass compromise. Now the Washington Nationals are playing in an old stadium until the poverty-stricken city can put themselves into hock for a stadium where the only black folks will be the ones working in the stands - same as the baseball stadium here in Rochester.

Now there's commercials on TV both for and against some new arena to be built in Manhattan somewhere. There's funky contract shenanigans going on. Unions are being unions to get temporary construction jobs. The whole thing smells bad.

I guess that's the way things are done in the seedy world of government.

====================================================================================

I need to find a way to reconcile my deep conviction to non-violence and my desire to beat the living hell out of some people. I just want to bitch slap some folks as I try to figure out what the hell they are thinking.

Because of the school shooting in Minnesota, these NRA losers actually want teachers to have guns.. I've seen teachers get confused at the copy machine, you're gonna give 'em guns? Once, I worked at a school where they actually sent out a memo reminding teachers not to let students put their heads in the paper cutter. I swear it's true. Thank god I had that reminder.

Of course the next logical conclusion is the teacher who caresses his Barretta to "motivate" his little test-takers.

Yep...it's Opening Day for Major League Baseball. I know I just got off a rant about professional sports, but it's the game itself I'm talking about now. Today's Opening Day means my season isn't far off.

And in honor of this occassion, I dug up last year's list of New York Yankee Promotional Days that some friends & I came up with. Enjoy.

Sam Militello Diptheria Vaccination Nite
Phil Rizzuto Vibrator Nite
Tony Kubek Tampon Caddy Nite
Mariano Duncan Activator Nite
Matt Nokes Face Cream Nite
Randy Choate Choad Nite
Luis Sojo Belgian Waffle Day
Mike Morgan/AAA Road Map Nite
Jay Buhner Astroglide Nite
Babe Ruth Hot Dog & A Hummer Doubleheader
Mike Kekich/Fritz Peterson wife swapping night
Mickey Mantle for your Fireplace night
Billy Martin Brawl Night
Dave Winfield Bird Hunting Night
Bob Lemon-n Freshened Borax Night
Luis Polonia Teenagers Get-in-Free Night
Harmonica Duo with Phil Linz Night
Frank Crosetti Pats Your Ass Night
Dooley Womack Tuxedo Night
Don Zimmer Diaper Night, infant and adult sizes
Thurman Munson Plane Ride Giveaway Night
Andy Pettitte's Petite Lingerie Night
Joe Pepitone Blow Dryer Night
Jim Bouton's Book Signing Night
Win a Date with the Yo! Girl Night (from the Yao & Yogi commercial)
Billy Martin Marshmallow Night
Mickey Mantle's Complete Guide to Bars Around the Country Night
Thurman Munson Model Airplane Night
Joe DiMaggio & Ted Williams Free Frozen Coffee Day
Luis Polonia foot long hotdog night (for girls 15 and under)
Dave Winfield seagull night