Before I get to the main thing...has anyone else noticed that with this immigration bill junk that's all over the news, no one is talking about censure/impeachment of the War Criminal.

Hmmmmmmm...Onto the Main Feature.

I'm really getting frustrated & annoyed with people who won't let me insult myself. I'll explain. Self-depreciating humor can be a great tool. I think I use it well. It's also a way to show the ridiculousness of others but using yourself as the example.

I'm telling a humorous story and end it with a throw away comment like, "Man, I really need to get a life."

"Oh no you don't..." then I get a speech about I have a life and that having a life depends on blah, blah, blah.

If I'm telling an animated story and end with a line like that, it's a tool, you tool. I don't need your speeches.

Just sayin.

This new immigration bill oozing out of Congress is pretty nasty. It's pretty racist, xenophobic and a whole bunch of other words you could throw in here. But that's not what really strikes me about this situation. It was that protest...

500,000 million people in LA in the streets. Why so many? Because most of them were Latino. We Gringos are fat & lazy. Our idea of protest is forwarding an e-mail or clicking on something at Moveon.org.

Look at the people in Central & South America - when the government messes with them they hit the streets. They know they're gonna get the crap beat out of them, but they're out there anyway. Men, women & children. They freakin stand up for themselves. So if you look at this culturally, it's no wonder so many folks were out in LA...and I bet it wasn't some self-congratulatory fandango like the war protests have become.

Hey, I'm part of this too. I haven't been in a good protest in a while. Have I been organizing? Yes. But it's been very niiiiiiiice. I haven't been threatened with a lawsuit or arrest in quite a while. There's a million things I'd like to be protesting/fighting. Very little of it is in this town. But am I going to leave my sad excuse for a job? No. There's nothing really keeping me here. I've been lulled.

I'm going to be one cranky old dude.

Not every Latino was hitting the streets. I'm sure there are some yes-chicos. Alberto Gonzalez was probably watching it all on Fox News muttering to himself, "F-ing Spics."

Probably. I don't have proof.

Today, I saw two people who desperately need to be slapped...

While I was at the gym, I saw on TV a professional bowler wearing sunglasses while bowling. He needs to be slapped. He was trying to act way too cool for a freakin bowler.

Then on my way into work, I saw a deaf woman driving - yes, deaf people can drive. The problem was she was having a sign laguage with her passenger. That's always been a little annoying to me (I have experience in cars with Deaf people), but not only was she doing that but she was text messaging someone else - as she was driving! Big slap upside the head.

I have an immigration take which I'll get to later.

I've talked about his before, but I have a new metaphor to throw at you. Listening to a good radio show is like someone making a sandwich for you. It usually just tastes better than if you made it yourself.

Now, there are some crappy sandwiches out there - convenience store sandwiches are the equivalent of commercial radio- which is the norm. But when you listen to something like Vin Scelsa's Idiot's Delight, it's like someone made you a sandwich. You kinda know what you're gonna get, but it's still full of surprise and it pretty much always tastes good, even if you've never had it before.

I just keep listening to the archives and having to go to the playlist to write down some of these songs then having to go find them for myself. It's the closest I can get to the "college days" when I would be able to just comb through new/old obscure (ie independent) stuff and find great music.

*******

Cable TV - Day 3: Got to watch the 9th inning of a Yankees - Devil Rays spring training game. Still can't figure out how to use the vcr with this thing. Finally got the DVD player hooked up. Still no time to watch a damn thing. Gettin my money's worth.

New Song Alert!

I wouldn't call this prolific, but the follow up to Big Balloon Head is going to be Dial-Up The Macho. There's a little bit of polishing to do and I'll post lyrics. Stay tuned.

Oh my God! Someone questioned the so-called President and our democracy is still in place...sort of.

The War Criminal actually called on Helen Thomas in a press conference - first time in three years. And she went right for the jugular...gotta love old people, they just don't give a shit.

Here's the transcript. Here's video of it. And here's Helen on Wolf Blitzer's show.

And the country goes on. I know there's not going to be any right-wingers reading this, but I wish they would. Someone questioned the alleged president and the US is still here. Who would've thunk it.

And lately, the new right-wing talking point has been to go after the media. This is because they are finally asking tough questions and doing reports on what's important. The wingnuts come back with the media's not reporting the good stuff that's happening.

OK...if car bombs were going off every day in the US, you wouldn't see ridiculous news stories about a freakin cat in a tree. It's the news. I want less of that cat crap and more real reporting. If Jane & John Sixpack hear more of the truth, they (meaning we) might get off our asses and do something.

Hi, I'm Whitee.

Hi, Whitee!

Hi. I...uh...I'm creepy.

murmur...murmur...murmur

I don't mean to be creepy. In fact, if I said & did everything that pops into this feeble little mind of mine, there would be more than a couple of mediocre CD's & unfocused website to show just how bad it is. Trust me, I'm a creepy mother. And I blame my parents.

Let me explain. I really try not to use this as a journal, but on occassion if something in my life gets a point across, then I'll use it. This is one of those instances. Think of it as a public service message for all you parents out there.

Teach your children well.

Parents like to tell their kids what not to do. Don't talk to strangers, don't do drugs, get your dick out of there...oh...maybe I shared too much. But they don't tend to tell their kids what they should do (cleaning your room & taking out the garbage doesn't count).

I had a pretty laizze faire upbringing. As long as I didn't get into trouble and kept my grades up I could pretty much do what I wanted. It got me a few weird looks and a few exclamations of, ["Whitee!"] from my Mom, but overall life was pretty good. The fact that life smacked me upside the head as an adult is an issue for me & my therapist.

But neither of my parents taught me how to deal with the opposite sex. That may not be the worst thing as they could have told me some messed up stuff - especially my Dad, as one can see from his track record. But it sure would have helped if I knew what was cool and what wasn't.

Oh, you mean it's not OK to call someone 5 times a day just to say Hi. What? No one told me that a constant stream of gifts is creepy and not a romantic sign of your feelings. Friends with a woman? What's that all about?

I've become pretty adept at keeping things at an uncreepy level, but you should see the ideas that go through my head. Damn. I'm a fairly productive member of society (mediocre music excluded) so it's not that big a deal from the general public perspective. But it sure makes things weird in Whiteeville. One of these days, my creepiness will be unleashed upon an unsuspecting world - God help us all.

So parents, teach your children how to deal with the opposite sex (or the same sex if you've got gay kids). It'll save on therapy costs down the road.

Man, this sucks. I'm getting cable TV. Haven't had it for years. I was the butt of a lot of jokes...like I was a bad American or something. I didn't need it. I didn't watch enough TV to make it worthwhile and just the fact that it was a little money NOT going to a monopolistic corporation made me feel a little better.

Recently I had to switch rooms in my apartment...bedroom became a study/junk room, living room became bedroom, dining room became living room. The rabbit ears don't work in that room...at all. I'm getting nothing. So I caved.

Now, no more: Hey Whitee, did you see that game on...oops...forgot, you don't have cable. It was funny the first 50 times. Now, no more.

I'm going to miss that joke.

It's not easy being me. Yes, get out your tiny violins...but I'm serious. The rest of you probably have cute little dreams about sheep and fresh little candies and things like that. Not me. This is what comes into my brain while I'm in bed:

I wonder what Tom Waits would look like on a rollercoaster.

What the hell is that all about? Going on to explore this radical, world-changing concept. There are some people who just don't look like they'd enjoy themselves on a rollercoaster.

I've talked about not being a "Whoo!" kind of person. I just don't Whoo. But I enjoy rollercoasters as much as the next person. I think I get kind of a goofy grin on my face. I've seen it in others as well.

But I can't picture Tom Waits liking a rollercoaster ride. Or Madeline Albright. Or Janet Reno. Or Bob Dylan - although trying to imagine Dylan going "Whoo!" does make me giggle like a schoolgirl. Another thing that makes me laugh like an idiot is remembering when Fabio got hit in the face by a bird while he was on a rollercoaster. I'm laughing as I type this. Go here for the video!

I think it's an age thing. Anyone young, I can pretty much picture them liking rollercoasters. Older people, not as much. I could see Ed Asner enjoying it. I don't know why.

Who do you think wouldn't look good on a rollercoaster?

Holy F-ing Crap! I'm not sure what is creeping me out more...

First of all, you HAVE to see this clip.

This was actually aired on NBC...it's the War Criminal's Nephew...they actually interviewed this 19-year-old twit about foreign policy. It's a hybrid Jeff Spicoli/GW Bush.

I will never...ever...take anything NBC says as real again.

So what's worse, Dude's existence or the fact that NBC is actually publicizing Dude's existence.

It's the end of the world as we know it...

Before I start, can someone tell me how the hell George Thoroughgood's "You Talk Too Much" got in my head and what drain cleaner I have to drink to get it out?

Go to the Sexuality page. Go over to the sex blogs section and start surfing. Every woman's sex blog has comments on the posts from dumbass guys that are about as creative & seductive as a King Dong and half tube of Anal Eze. And most of them call the bloggers "babe". Does this shit really work? Then, click on the profile links. Most of these fools list science fiction stuff as their favorite books and movies and pseudo-music like Gwar. I guess I'm being man-catty.

I'm at work right now, so I can't go searching for examples, but I'll try to do it at home over the next couple of days.

It would take me all day to explain each situation, but lately I've seen situations and heard stories about others that has made me question the concept of morality...right & wrong.

The Ayn Randians would say that it doesn't matter...party til you puke. "Celebrate, God Dammit!" (yes, I know that's a simplification) Then you go the other way where you must worry about everything you do because God & everyone is watching.

[Then you have dickheads like Rick Santorum who talk a good game, but are really sleezebuckets who need to be strung up by their bedoobies for their hypocracy, but that's for another time.]

The conclusion I've come up with today (and could change at any minute) is closer to the objectivists, but does veer off.

I've known a lot of sluts in my time...and the sad part is, they don't seem to be slutty around me. I get to hang with them during their less gregarious moods. Lucky me. Whether it's sex or anything else, as long as you're not hurting anyone I would say go for it. Yes, we have free will, but to choose to do things that are harmful - even to yourself - that should be the gauge of morality. The murky part is the concept of "hurting" others. To me it's not just physical or emotional harm.

Let's take sex...I've heard a lot of good things about it. If you're being safe and aren't misleading anyone then "pork away, pal." Hop from bed to bed with the frequency of a cheap ham radio. It becomes immoral when you're not protecting yourself, opening the possiblities of an STD for you and your partners. Or if you're manipulating people to get them in bed. And I still can't figure out the reason for the male-oriented facial craze.

You can say the same for greed. You want 14 yachts, a house so big it needs its own zip code and more money than the EU. Go for it, Sparky. But if you do it on the backs of others, then you suck. I would even contend that it's immoral to accumulate wealth like that when billions of others don't have basic necessities. You can call that socialist or christian, but those are just labels. We're talking about right & wrong and not the kind some high school social studies book tells you about.

Drugs...same thing. If you want / need to go around in a haze once in a while or all the time for that matter - go for it. But are you smoking your family's financial health away? Are you shooting up your kids' emotional health? That's the deal.

I guess music & other media makes an interesting connection. If you make ridiculous music or movies that glorifies violence or inappropriately uses sexuality, is that moral? Sure you have the "right" to do it, but that doesn't mean you should. And yes, parents should supervise their children and all that - but that doesn't make it moral. "That's a cop out," said the man who wrote Sexmom and Suck Off The Pope.

Rap, crap like Marilyn Manson, selling cheeseburgers with some skank washing a car...effects people in negative ways. And there is the right for those fools to do what they do, but does that mean they should. Free will goes both ways. You can choose NOT to do something, too.

Thus endeth the sermon, I guess.

I...uh....who the hell researches this stuff?

Seems that the larger bats' nads are the smaller their brains. Scientists didn't seem to speculate if it's the same for humans.

No report on what this means about Adam West.

I can't help this...there's a kind-of-sublime interview with former British MP Tony Benn on Democracy Now. The transcript & link to the audio is here. He's a freakin radical while at the same time has that traditional British bombast. He blows his own horn while at the same time shrugs off noteriety. It's kinda...cute.

I know what your mama said...you shouldn't judge a book by it's cover. BUT...sometimes if the shoe fits...

Why do most of the bus drivers in my city look like retired 70's porn guys? Balding, porn 'stashe, a bit of a gut. It's like a weird cult or something.

And there comes a time when enough is enough. Dude at the convenience store...you're trying too hard. The punk movement is / was supposed to be about anarchy, not being held back by da man. You got TOO much working there. Take it easy with the pins, tatts, chains, hair, boots, outfit, sneer, etc. You're posin, man. Get a mexican quaalude & chill, my man. And it's a good thing I didn't hear you talk with a phony British accent or there would have been trouble.

I'm just sayin...

And I'm still getting creeped out by the number of people who come to this site after googling "sexmom". Come on...even for me that's weird. I wrote the song as a joke. Oh, and I mention the Laura Graham, "Fuck me, Santa" line once and it brings people here. Don't make me post more Biba pictures.

Wednesday evening I went to an anti-war demonstration / commemeration of International Women's Day. I guess I'm being a bit crotchetty here, but a few things came to mind:

• Having a demonstration in the most leftie suburb in the area is kinda preaching to the choir. No one has these kind of things in the hood. They have anti-gang/police/violence/drugs demonstrations, but it's as if there are no anti-war or pro-women folks in that part of town.



• There really were some clueless people honking their horns in support as they drove by...in their huge gas-guzzling SUV's. They didn't see the irony.



• Those who were disrespectful to us looked like the only thing they've ever stood up for is to scratch something.



• Someone who claims to be an anarchist is usually just someone who hasn't developed the social skills to play well with others. Most usually cause tension in meetings, slow things down to a grinding halt and eventually "agree" with group decisions only to do their own thing later and screw everything up.



• I overheard at least 2 "lefties" tell others how they bought X & Y at Walmart & K-Mart. Yeah, I'm being judgemental & hypocritical here, but even if I had been one of them, I wouldn't have told anyone that I went there. I don't shop at those places, but I do get stuff that I'm sure was made by 3 year-olds in Indonesia, but I am trying to do better.

A couple of things - neither of which puts me in a very good light.

I'll start with the worst first. I have a dead mouse in the house. Not a big deal you may say. Oh, not true. I have a rodent problem. No, not in the house, in my head. When I was in first grade someone in my school must have gotten bitten by a rat, so they showed all of us this movie with babies in cribs and rats all over the place. Scared the crap out of me. I guess we were supposed to report it if at our houses there were a bunch of rats, but the only thing it did was to make me terrified of rodents. Worse are bats, which are rats with wings. There's a bat that's either dead or hybernating in my apartment basement...I now go to a laudromat.

So I found this dead mouse in my apartment...a disease-ridden, baby-biting mouse. And it was literally stuck to the floor. So I did what any manly man would do...I called my Mommy. I figured that it's her fault for raising such a pussy of a son, so she should take care of it for me.

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The other thing that may not make me look very good is my take on the death of Kirby Puckett. For those who don't know, he is a former baseball player. I've always been a Kirby fan. I have e-mail addresses with his uniform number in it, on teams I still play on, I try to get number 34. The way he played is what drew me to him. He loved the game and it showed. That's pretty much it.

About 5 years or so after he retired he got into some trouble. Seems he was cheating on his wife, he was charged with harassment and some other stuff as well. I don't know what the other stuff was because I didn't read the articles on the situation. It wasn't denial, I've just had enough people who I've looked up to become human in my eyes, I just wasn't in the mood to hear the details. Kirby was the last person I had that feeling of...idoltry isn't the word...he was the last person whom I didn't see as being with faults. If you asked me if I thought he had them, of course I would have said yes, but I didn't think about them.

It was the leaving of the last bit of innoncence I had. I still asked for 34 on my uniform - still do - still will, but it was never the same. Kirby's dying is tragic on it's own, but for me it was a little bit more.

On that uplifting note...my Mommy's here to scrape up a dead mouse.

Mothers, hide your daughters! Whitee is loose, yet again. While she denies I had anything to do with it, my new friend, Kim at Anyone's Girl has decided to stop posting there.

Hmmmmm...starts an e-mail conversation with me...stops posting...coincidence? I doubt it. She's sweet to say it's not about me, but come on...we all know just how much the world revolves around me. I am death. Fear me. OK, maybe not death, but I definitely drive every sexual urge out of women. If she keeps interacting with me maybe she can blog about being friends with people. That would be H-O-T!

If only I could harness this superpower for good and not evil. I would be the bestest Superhero ever!

I am Anaphrodisiac Man!

I would have these superpowers:

• If you look into my eyes, your ovaries instantly dry up


• I can give an Atomic Wedgie with my mind from 50 yards


• I can turn every other tooth of yours yellow


• I can turn your grout moldy


• I can subliminally recite the Democratic Party's Platform

And then there's my Utility Belt:

• The Nosehair Rejuvinator


• The Portable Dutch Oven


• The Whitee Wet Blanket

(Don't get me started on my uniform - I'd look smashing with a cape - Orange & Green!)

Feel free to add your own.

Wow. I didn't realize it had been so long since I've posted. Well, I do have some deep political stuff to get to, but I'm not going to do it today. It has a pretty long shelf life so I'll get to it over the weekend. Because isn't that what weekends are for? Mine are, anyway. But I do need to say one thing...who the hell lit a fire under Sweet Lou Dobbs?

OK, it's not that big of a deal, but I always look for excuses to use "Sweet Lou", "Lou Dog", "Blue Lou" or "they're not booing, they're saying 'Louuuuuuuuuuuu'." Yes, I'm easily amused.

I got a lot to cut loose on so I better get to gettin on...

I'm in Rochester, NY. This two-horse town has been in the news a lot lately because of a high school kid who is the manager on his high school basketball team. He's a senior. Oh yeah, the kid's autistic. In their last home game of the season, the coach put this kid in to play with 4 minutes left in a game in which they were blowing out the other team. He's the manager, he's never played before. Well, the kid goes on a rampage and scores 20 points. Someone gets it on video and the rest is history. This kid's on SportsCenter every day. On seperate days, his coach and his Mom were on the Jim Rome show. There's going to be a movie deal with Disney.

I'm no doctor, I just play one on the internet. But I HAVE worked with autistic kids. I understand that autism is referred to as a "spectrum" - there are similar characteristics, but not everyone is the same and some have different severities of characteristics, so I'm generalizing here.

But people just need to chill out with this kid. Autistic kids are not really down with people paying that much attention to them. His story is awesome, he deserves his props - but I gotta wonder - after 2 weeks of constant attention, this kid's gotta be wiggin out a little. Ironically, earlier in the week, I had the opportunity to talk to a teacher in that school and I asked about this. He doesn't have the kid as a student, but he knows him and said that everything seems OK.

I'll say this...I bet that kid has a date for the prom.

OK, I had to get that off my chest...now onto today's real topic...women.

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You probably think I'm going to be bashing women. Nope. In fact, just the opposite. This week two women I know have had babies. Let's just focus on that first. You can argue that childbirth is no big deal - literally billions of births have taken place so it can't be that big of a deal, right? Yeah...OK...if I may quote from part of a Margaret Cho bit on childbirth: "and then her pussy exploded!"

Any non-sexual twinge in the general vicinity of my groin and I'm ready to call 911, and most of you men are, too. I don't care if we have more physical strength, we couldn't deal with giving birth. And I definitely agree that if men could have babies, we wouldn't be arguing about abortion, birth control, health care, etc. It'd be all taken care of.

Back to the two women I know...so one of them is a teacher and she kept coming to school until - I swear - she was going to pop. If it were me I would have left school after 6 months and watched Dr. Phil until my water broke. The other person is the wife of the owner of they gym I go to. (I don't know if she is co-owner, but I always see his name on everything so I'm making an assumption.) I'm not lying, I saw her working out 2 freakin weeks ago. OK, she wasn't setting any speed records on the aerobic machines, but I use a stubbed toe as an excuse not to work out.

And the euphemism for being a wimp is "pussy"?

Women put up with so much crap. It's one of the reasons why I prefer their company to men. Of course this is a generalization. Most of the people I actually hang out with are male and I'm sure they understand...most of them think I'm a sensitive treehugger, anyway. And also I dislike individual women too...shoot, I can think of two right now who I'd like to slap upside the head with a sock full of hot nickels. But in my life, most of the women I've known are way stronger - emotionally, spirtually, mentally.

And I swear - I'd lick the road clean with my tongue before I did anything to support the Clintonbagger for President. Not because she's a woman, but because I trust her about as far as I could...well...I don't trust her.

Besides, guys are too damn goofy. I'll give you an example. Last week I posted the e-mail conversation I had with Kim from Anyone's Girl. Well, she posted on her site what I did and some of her regulars commented. So I'm looking at some of the comments that people posted on some of her...uh...randier posts. Guys are dumbasses. Go to any chick's sex blog and look at dudes' comments. Go to Kim's site and click on some of the other blogs on the right. (I'd post direct links but I'm not at a computer where I can explore for such nuggets) Read the comments to the posts...they're embarassing not because they're about sex, but because they're so freakin lame. And almost every one calls the blogger, "babe". As my girlfriends at the mall say: what-ever.

Just by freakin default, I prefer to be around women. Now, you can go through a lot of posts and song lyrics and see that I do have my issues with the opposite sex.

I blame my parents for that.