Let He Who is Not a Pervert Cast the First Dildo

That's right...I said it. What an odd series of events. Appearently Iiiiiiiii'm a pervert. Little old me. If you go by the concept of you are as others see you, I'm amazed I haven't been registered as a sex offender!

Well, you know what...I take that label and wear it with pride...Perv Power! I say!

Let's take a look at what a pervert is, shall we?

n : a person whose behavior deviates from what is acceptable especially in sexual behavior [syn: deviant, deviate, degenerate]

I am so fine with this label because of the one part, "from what is acceptable". I've already discussed this...the hypersexuality used in the name of capitalism is what is acceptable and I am not down with that. And I'm not down with the stunted, latent sexuality of the far right. So what you got is someone who thinks you can do whatever the hell you want, with whomever wants to do it with you in any room of your house (as well as a few inconspicuous public places, but that's for another discussion).

So call me a pervert, goddamnit!

If you notice in the definition, it says by behavior. If I'm the great big perv everyone says I am, shouldn't I be getting more than I do? I'm just sayin....

What brought this on? Oy...

I can't go into details here...but it seems that someone who I thought knew me well actually thought I was...uh...having fun with a 17-year-old. I mean, I'm old enough to be her really older brother. Whatever...

Perv Power!

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The Pervs Shall Inheret the Earth

Well, maybe not, but on my way into work tonight I was listening to a repeat of The Lionel Show. Dude was talking about porn. First he was talking about 70's porn, when they would show movies in theaters and there were premiers with paparazzi & red carpets, etc. Then he started comparing that to today...where a new movie comes out every 7 minutes - and that's just from studios. Lionel was busting out some serious porn names - producers, performers & titles. I was impressed for a minute, but then it hit me...this dude's got his own semi-mainstream radio talk show. You're not supposed to show that you're down with this stuff.

You go, boyfriend!

OK, let's talk about porn...

Look...nobody wants to see drugged-out, bored, cynical, silicone people having sex...I hope. There's a lot of bad stuff out there {cough, cough, so I've heard}. But people who like to show off, who aren't afraid of how they look who want the thrill of performing for people...mazel tov. No skin off my...uh...nose. If you're into porn, or toys or whatever...who gives a crap? If you do give a crap, you need a life...and a toy...and hopefully some lube.

This is a lame metaphor, but sexuality is like pizza...sure you can have frozen pizza, and some are better than others...and you can have it plain or supreme or in between (jeez, I just went Dr. Seuss on you). You can have it delivered...and even then you have choices. Or you can make an evening out of it and go out, with checkered tableclothes, candles, wine...the works. And yes, you can even have pizza by yourself. You can have sex for the sensuality of it, you can have it with someone you love as a method of communication, you can do it just to make babies. And you can watch cooking shows on different ways to make pizza. It's a big deal, but it isn't at the same time...the main thing about sexuality is...

Relax, for crying out loud! It's just sex! Damn...

From here I could go onto religion and sexuality, but I don't have the patience or time for that right now...appearently I have to go cruise some high schools for chicks.

The other night at work, the guy I usually work with was off for the holiday. Honestly, I'd rather just work alone. The kids are asleep, and if any of them get up I can handle whatever's bothering them. But the powers-that-be insist on finding someone to fill the spot. Fine. Whatever.

Now, I hate making small talk. I may have blogged on this before. But I don't want to talk about "the game" or the weather or whatever. I don't have a problem with politics or religion...I'm a big boy...I know how to express myself without being judgemental (even if I am judging you inside).

So they get this college kid to work with me. That's fine, I guess. Dude walks in with a newspaper and a couple of library books...Sean Hannity & Ann Coulter. Oh crap. Well, we didn't have much to talk about that night. He probably thinks that I'm anti-social, but I really don't care. I noticed he went online to Hannity's website.

Ba-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a!!! Good sheep.

It was a long night.

A statistics nerd came up with a graphical presentation on why some chick should continue to date him. Check it out here.

She didn't.

Now, I may be cynical here, but my boy, Joel may have needed a few more charts:

*The size of his cock relative to various members of the animal kingdom.
*Length of time Joel is willing to...uh..."Tip the Velvet"
*Prediction of future income.
*How little time Joel spends with the boys &/or watching sports on TV.
*Joel's avoidance of porn or other so-called deviant behavior.
*Number of times Joel has left the toilet seat up.

Feel free to add your own.

Joel, get a grip.

Whitee News!

I was in my lesson the other day and to be honest, wasn't in much of a mood to be playing. But Robert decided he wanted to jam, so he got his guitar and I started on Flapjacking. We then went to Tasty Beverage. After we're all done, I'm told that once we get back after the new year, my lessons will be spent on "pre-production".

So that's it...we're on the road to the next CD. Of course I only have 6 songs and I don't seem to be able to write anymore. Details, details, details. Hopefully I'll have some demos in a month or so.

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Connecting to the not being able to write...I'm at the tail end of a short and ill-advised...uh...well the word "affair" makes it sound more romantic than what it was. But let's just say it was an episode with a member of the opposite sex. There's more than enough to get a Whitee Song out of it. There's pathos, mental health issues, alcohol, miscommunication, sexual competence, sexual incompetence and the ubiquitous Whitee on the short end of the stick...again.

Haven't been able to turn it into a song.

What a great album! I've had this 2CD set The Essential Etta James, for a while now. Just popped it in...it's freakin awesome! But she does a version of You Can Leave Your Hat On. Ummm, well, it's good musically, but I don't think I'm going to be dancing on a chair for anyone. Besides, that would have to be a strong-ass chair.

Go over there, turn on the light
Hey, all the lights
Come over here, stand on that chair
Yeah, that's right
Raise your arms up in the air
Now shake 'em

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On occassion I tend to go off on some rants, trying to guilt y'all into getting involved and sticking it to The Man. And don't get me wrong, I respect what this cat is doing...but I would never expect anyone (myself included) to dress up like a big piece of crap. (The pictures are OK, but you gotta check out the video)

In Rochester there are two main supermarkets. Wegmans, a family-owned chain that is expanding down the east coast. I wouldn't be surprised if they end up taking over the world some day. They don't open supermarkets, they open food cities. You just have to see one to believe it. But one of the things they've done is to build all these monstrosities in the suburbs. They used to have profitable supermarkets in the city, but one at a time closed them. Now there are only 2 left. One is in the mostly white, trendy part of town, the other they would close in a heartbeat, but I think the mayor has naked pictures of Danny Wegman or something. And the trendy one? They're currently buying up all the property surrounding it to make it into one of those food cities. That'll probably be the last time I go there...I hate those things. It's so big, you have to pack a lunch just to go grocery shopping. (hold...hold...and release)

Anyway, this post is about the other chain, Tops. Tops is owned by a conglomerate from the Netherlands. But I still preferred them because when Schmegmans left the city, they agreed to build stores in the hood. So I've always tried to give them my business. I still go to Schmegs on occassion, but I try to stick with Tops. But even a business you "like" can still suck sometimes.

Enter the self-scan machines. HATE THEM. Look, all these things are for is to have fewer employees. The man, sticking it to the worker again. If I'm doing the work of scanning my own stuff does it cost less? No. I stand in line and wait. I think New Jersey got it right when they outlawed self-service gas stations...thus preserving shitty, low-paying jobs for the masses. THAT'S government, god damn it.

If I could just break this addiction to eating crap, I'd just go shop at the co-op, even if it does cost...like...triple what the big guys cost. I've been trying. I've been really focusing on eating better and doing a fairly decent job...but today's a good example of how hard it is. I went to the gym...and after I lift I eat everything in sight. I got home and tried to be good...had some protein, fruit, nuts. Doing what I gotta do. Two hours later I'm at a drive thru. Must...have...meat. Pretty freakin sad. I think there's heroin in cheeseburgers.

Here is a great article on why we should get out of Iraq right now. Sums it up pretty darn good.

Look Gang,

The more you keep talking about this alleged War on Christmas, the more run you give these nutjobs. Jeez...it's a Bill O'Reiley talking point because he can't say anything good about Republicans anymore. Let it drop!

Not that this is a big surprise, but the government has been spying on protesters. They've even been infiltrating meetings of Quakers. Quakers!

I'm not going to blather about the civil rights aspect of this...if you think this activity by the government is cool, then I hope I get to shave you down as it's getting cold and I could use the wool ("baaaaaaaaaaaaa!"). Here's my beef...

Doesn't the government have more important things to do? Like rebuilding New Orleans, or dealing with poverty...oh yeah...there's not enough troops in Iraq, what about sending these infiltrators there? Jeez...the priorities of the paranoid. Hell, if these folks don't have anything to do...I got a ton of stuff around the house they can do...painting, dishes, laundry. Come on over and do your patriotic duty!

I don't know if the government reads Whitee...don't care. I haven't flown since 9/11 so I have no clue if I'm on the No Fly List. (it's not that I'm afraid to, I'm just a broke-ass MFer) Big Brother may know what websites I go to and what I use my credit card for (for educational purposes, I swear)...and I do care, because it really isn't any of their business. BUT, I have other priorities I'm working on right now. I'm not going to be running for anything again, so if Da Man thinks that he's gonna hold that one-month membership I had to KnockedUpBlackMamas.com over my head...hey, go for it. I'll be the next poster child for civil rights.

OK, I don't even know if that's a real site...it may be, but I'm at work so I'm not checking.

So Air America cancels Morning Sedition but keeps Jerry Springer. Stupid f-ing liberals. I swear to god...can't do anything right.

This is a little bit long but it's a really nice essay on why you should be involved in politics.

And the Execution of Tookie Williams is just plain pathetic.

People just don't think. They don't. A specific example and a more general one. When our mayor-elect was on a radio show during the campaign. He kept talking about the way to deal with poverty is to create jobs. OK...sounds like a pretty fair statement. But when asked for specifics he started talking about biomedical research jobs that are connected to the local univerisities. Helloooo....McFlyyyyyyy....Homee's in the hood aren't going to be able to get those jobs. It was a call-in show...so I called in...when I tried making that point I got hung up on. Love that NPR.

Now, let's go to something less specific. In many cities - including this two-horse town (Rochester, NY) people "in-the-know" talk about building housing downtown, at waterfronts, etc. Uh...OK, but for whom? Yep, the middle class. And they just come right out and say it...oh...and for "young professionals" I hate young professionals...most of them are freakin narcissistic idiots. Oooh...I just turned into a grumpy old man. No one will truly address poverty...and then they're shocked by all the murders. Dumbasses...all of you. That's right...I know everything and you know nothing. Well that can't be true after this next thing...

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So as E-Rod & I like to say, I'm currently talking to someone. I don't know where it's going, but she has more musical talent and knowledge in one of her fingernails than I have in my whole body. So tonight she found out that I can't read music. I may as well told her that I couldn't read words. What was that ridiculous movie where Robert She proceded to try to teach me to read music over the phone. I felt like such an idiot. But who knows, if I can find a way not to screw this up for a while it may make me a better musician...or should I say A musician.

I bring this up for one reason...to illustrate how everyone in power...no matter how "nice" they're portrayed has blood on their hands. Mr. Nobel Peace Prize, Jimmy Carter...

The documents show US officials were aware of the invasion plans nearly a year in advance. They reveal that in 1977 the Carter Administration blocked declassification of a cable transcribing President Ford and Secretary of State Kissinger's meeting with Suharto on December 6, 1975 in which they explicitly approved of the invasion. -Democracy Now

I'm just saying...this happens because we accept it. This is our fault. We allow this.

At the risk of sounding like an observational comedian, could someone tell me why there is nutrional information on unpopped popcorn. You may as well give me the nutritional information on my shoelaces as there's just as much of a chance of me eating those as well.

Who aaare these people?

Just as stupid...why does the War Criminal continue to speak? I don't believe one single, solitary word the man says. Look...even little kids "spin" stuff, so that they don't get in trouble. It's human nature. There's a million ways for me to say what I want here but I choose this way at this moment to convey a specific message....consciously or not. You talk to your signifcant other in certain ways at certain times to get little things you want...come on...you know you do. It's not exploitative...we choose our clothes to convey messages...at least I hope you do. If you behave in ways without any sense of the message you're portraying then you have a problem. I'm not saying you have to give a crap, but I hope you at least understand that how you say what you say, how you act, etc, conveys messages. We're wired that way, it's how we try to keep ourselves safe. We were intellegently designed that way...OK, that may a bit much.

But this f-er has been caught in so many lies...everything. Economy, war, hurricane, supreme court...everything he says later turns out to be false. If this dumbass told me the sky was blue I would be obligated to think differently. Every time this guy or any of his minions open their mouths I automatically assume what their saying is bull. How could I not?

Hey...nice job Joe Lieberman. You're a credit to...uh...someone. So is the rest of your party.

Now I'm in the mood for popcorn.

Musically, I haven't written anything substantial in a really long time. I have been worried about it, but it hasn't been my main focus in a couple of years...I've been too busy with "grown up" stuff...all the activism & political work. I don't think it's necessarily the time, it's been the surroundings I've put myself in. I really haven't been around kids very much in the past few years. I don't mean that in a bad way, you perv.

When I'm working with kids, my creativity seems to be higher. I'm able to let my mind wander more. I laugh a lot more. I'm not walking around ready to hang myself right now, but my brain's wrapped around job creation, IDA reform, high-stakes testing and war.

As you can probably tell from the songs I've done in the past, music (or whatever you want to call the noises I've made) was my way to rid my head of all the bizarre mental connections I've made. I don't seem to have them too much anymore. And I haven't been able to figure out how to write about serious stuff. I'm sure if I made it an obsession I would figure it out, but I don't have the attention span...

Then tonight happened. OK, I'll start by saying that I have not come up with any lyrical masterpiece...not by a long shot. But my experience tonight may give some of you people with way too much time on your hands something to do.

I had a...uh...female encounter last weekend. It was a very odd situation involving me and a friend I've known for a while. She's way out of my league, but there was alcohol and Irish music involved and you know what that can lead to. Anyway, I probably just lost a friend and gained another "what could have been" story. If I was in my creative mode from earlier times I could have turned it into a song along the likes of Flapjacking, Muddy Said, or the now famous She Called Me Buddy. But no longer.

But part of an e-mail I sent to her was pretty good...kind of reminded me of a power ballad from the 80's...so I thought I would try to turn it into a song...a real one. Well, I'm still working on it...it's no Stairway to Heaven...hell, it's not even (You're) Havin My Baby. But this time I thought I would get some help, so I found this website called Rhyme Zone. Holy crap, I was having a blast.

Don't worry about art, but try to write a poem or song...Hell, it can even be a Roses are Red, Violets are Blue-thing. Plug in the simplest word to find things that rhyme and think of the funky-ass stuff you could come up with using some of the suggestions....Violets are Blue? How about "wing screw" or "work shoe" or "beef fondue"?

I know...it's immature...but I need some more immaturity. Have at it!

Oh Lordy...

Last week I had the "honor and privilage" of spending some time in my fair city's City Court. Not for myself, of course. I was there for...uh...jeez...I'm starting to wonder what the hell I was doing there. Supposedly for moral support for a friend whose kid was in trouble. Let's just leave it at that.

Anyway, on the two mornings I was there I got to see the dregs of society parade past this judge and I was kind of astounded. I've never had anyone sit me down and say, "Whitee, if you have to go in front of a judge don't dress like a slob. Don't chew gum. Take off your freakin hat...and what the hell are you wearing a hat to court for anyway? Leather pants? Are you freakin kidding me? Comb your hair, dumbass!" No one's ever needed to say this to me.

I'm pretty sure these people have logged in some serious time with their TV's...I know this sounds snobbish, but I'd be willing to lay down some money that they don't spend much quality time reading books. Even on freakin Law & Order, scumbags don't dress like this. I know, I know...that's TV. But hell, everyone thinks TV is real these days.

Then you have my friend's kid. The judge would ask him a question. "Huh?" "Wha?" Like the M-F'er had something else to pay attention to. Man, I wanted to put my foot up his ass - and I'm supposed to believe in non-violence. The next time he was in court he started giving a court worker attitude. Seriously, I wish they would have thrown his ass back in the hole. Little f-er.

I went webjournal on you to give me a starting point for today's sermon. How do we fix this explosion of stupidity. You know what's to blame? Yep. It's capitalism. Now wait...before you think I'm about to get out my Jr. Trotsky Revolution Kit...I'm not necessarily advocating for Communism - though I will say again that 99% of the people who put it down have no clue what it really is or that it's never really been tried. But I digress...

The emphasis on the almighty dollar has allowed corporations to do whatever is necessary to sell crap. Firing workers for short-term rises in stocks, pollute, break the law, steal from pensions, lie, and brainwash our children (who become adults, hopefully) with incessant advertising that appeals to our lowest instincts. It creates a culture of materialism. Dumbasses who have come out of the womb to be bombarded by brand names and shallow values will stay that way...as children, their brains become wired to value stuff. Literally.

You have millions of people in this country who are in desparate need to get out of poverty; food, clothing & shelter. And when you talk to them, you see that their minds, their priorities are on "stuff". And yes, when they can't even get that they self-medicate causing more problems.

When I say "self-medicate" I don't mean getting your groove on. I don't have a problem with that. Hopefully, tonight I will be going out and getting high enough to hunt ducks with a rake. (beer, thank you) But it will be socially...I will get up the next morning...a little hungover, but able to function and probably won't do it again for at least another week or so. It's not my daily crutch to make it through the day...causing medical & social problems which taxpayers will have to pay for one way or another.

So, back to my original question...how do we fix all this? I don't think going back to the Pre-Clinton welfare system is a good solution, it didn't do all that much really and I agree with righties who say it created a culture of entitlement. I disagree on what to do about it. Just throwing people off welfare & saying sink or swim creates chaos. It creates desperation and violence. "Those people don't have any work ethic." True. I agree. But having people with no skills to survive cut loose is dangerous for them and for us.

We don't have pure capitalism now. Sorry, Bucky, but it's true. If we were using real capitalism the government (i.e. our tax money) wouldn't be bailing out companies, giving tax breaks for nothing in return and propping up big business. It's fiscal darwinism for you and me, but those who have will resort to outright facism to keep their brethren from hard times.

If we're going to subvert capitalism, why don't we do it a little more for the common folk...i.e. FDR. But these jobs that the government creates should be something more permanent. More workers means more tax revenue. Universal health care means healthier workforce, means more productivity. Oh...and universal health care means employers don't have to pay for it...cha-ching!

People don't consider this because their Cold War-era Social Studies textbooks told them that this is communism and communism is bad. That's just a label. There's a brewery in Rochester that is worker-owned. That's supposed to be Communist- why haven't we attcked High Fall Brewery yet? Labels, my friend...they don't mean doody.

If we did all this tomorrow, would that fix my friend's kid? Of course not...there isn't a silver bullet for this problem. It wouldn't be 100% effective, but it would be a gazillion times better than what we have and it would create a better culture for those yet to be born.

Thus endeth the lesson. Where's my beer?